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Dear Kerry
Thanks for your response. Most of the time, I do the best I can with
what we've been given, and don't think about the guilt too much. Over the
last couple years, I've come up with a couple philosophical ideas that helps
when the guilt hits - or when things go wrong:
"As long as we do the best that we can for those that
are in our care, as long as we stay alert to changes (weight, appetite,
drinking, condition, etc.) in those that are in our care (and act on it), as
long as we learn from our mistakes and try to teach what we've learned to
others, and as long as we remember that many serious diseases have very similar
symptoms as minor bugs and some animals are extraordinarily good at hiding
medical problems until they're at deaths' door, then when one crosses over to
the other side, we can honestly say we did our best and forgive ourselves.
Because they already have." I came up with that a year after
Samson died - it happened to be about the time I forgave myself for what
happened to and because of Akechta and let myself grieve for Akechta's
death. I'd been nuts over the little guy - even though he never did learn
to like me - and when he tested positive and had to be helped to the bridge
because he was so sick, I was so angry with myself for exposing my healthy kids
to this virus that I blamed Akechta for getting them sick. It wasn't until
we'd faced an outbreak of FIP in 2002 because of a Bengal kitten I'd bought
who was vaccinated for FIP too young and was mildly sick because of the
vaccine when I got him that I realized that Akechta didn't ask to be positive
anymore than Kohana asked to be vaccinated with a vaccine that's been proven
worse than useless just because his breeder thought it would make him
more marketable. He was vaccinated before he was 11 weeks old,
the instructions on the vaccines themselves say not to use it in cats less
than 16 weeks old. In kittens that are vaccinated for FIP, a significant
number will get FIP from the vaccine, and those that don't and then are exposed
to a different strain of the corona virus than the one their FIP vaccine came
from, they're more likely to get FIP than unvaccinated kittens.
and the other one is:
It's normal to want to do everything humanly possible
to save a life, and that's important. Doing everything humanely possible to ease
suffering is much more important, and sometimes, when the treatment is worse
than the disease, and the disease is beyond any chance of a cure, that means
letting go. Knowing when to let go is the most important thing of all. Give them
every good day they have coming, but know when that last good day has been
spent. I came up with that during my time with
Legolas.
I think you made the right decision with Momcat.
It would've been more traumatic for her to be separated from the others.
That would be hard to spend time with them to keep an eye on how they're doing
and who's showing what symptoms if they were in a bedroom that you didn't have
any reason to go into other than to check on them - I ran into that during the
quarantine period with these guys. Luckily, my positives all like me to
spend time with them, so sleeping with them and being with them before and after
I go to bed helps a lot and lets me split my time between the two groups
more easily. The down side is that I only get to sleep with my negatives
when I decide to camp out on the futon in the living room. It would be
harder to do that if my positives were feral - then again, it might help them to
get comfortable with me faster. It's hard to look threatening when you're
asleep.
Not all cats who get the FeLV vaccine will
get VAS, but a lot of the ones who get VAS tend to get it at the
site where they were given their FeLV vaccines. From what I
understand, VAS is relatively rare. but knowing my guys and the
way they like to find the medical zebras (unusual, unlikely, and often
bizarre problems), I figure we'd probably end up with 10 or more coming
down with VAS.
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