you're right, nina, NEVER underestimate the power of guilt.... whatever works, i say--too often, tho, the decision has been made before they even contact us, and nothing we say will make any difference: the folks who are just using rescuers as a place to dump their unwanted ones will NOT hear. you can usually tell pretty early on which people are interested in listening--and sometimes, decisions ARE reversed. i no longer put any energy into the folks who clearly don't want alternatives--the answers to the first few questions will generally give a clear idea of whether they're trying to problem solve or just abdicate responsibility. in the latter case, if i can take their cat, i do; if not, i just tell them i'm sorry--if they ask for other referrals, if i know there is space in other groups in the area i tell them so....
as for your neighbor, i'm glad she's keeping the dog--and don't forget that none of us are born being good pet parents: and we are nowhere near as amenable to training as dogs, for example, are.... when people come to chats with really "stupid" questions, i always hark back to my early years as a catmom--talk about ignorant! personally, i am willing to help anyone who is willing to listen and learn--and it's communities like this list, and our wider ones, where the best learning occurs..... On 10/6/05, Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Kerry, > I hear you on the sadness and frustration. (I love MC's magnet, I want > one!). I usually start out all sympathetic sounding about these jerks > plight. Oh, how terrible that you have to lose a family member this > way! What happened that circumstances have come to this?! I get them > talking about their cats/dogs, I ask them about their 'babies' > personalities and talk about what kind of home would be a good match for > them. I ask them about relatives or people that care about the human in > question, get them thinking about how much easier it will be on the > cat/dog, if they can have some contact with the person they've spent > their life with. I ask them about the day that the animal came to live > with them, what were they like when they were kittens, etc. If I can > get them crying, all the better! While I'm talking with them, I urge > them to consider what a terrible thing this is for their animal friend, > how they won't understand what is happening to them, how the person will > never know if they are safe, or happy, or dead. I don't know, I'm > pretty burnt out on trying to educate unfeeling people, but sometimes > waking them up to the fact that these animals are not property, should > be treated with dignity and respect, even hitting the guilt button about > how they are letting them down, (in oh-so-subtle ways) can help them > reconsider their plans. After all, once this is done, it can't be > undone and it's something that they will have to live with for the rest > of their lives. I have a neighbor behind me that while not an 'animal > person', has shown herself to be compassionate and caring in other > ways. Her daughter is going through an ugly divorce, (this girl is not > a brain surgeon), and she 'dumped' the family dog on her mother. She > was keeping the dog in her mom's backyard while she moved into a condo > that "doesn't take dogs". Arrgghh! I clenched my teeth and tried to > appear sympathetic to her jerk daughter's situation. Then I turned it > on big time about how the dog must be feeling right now, losing his > home, his family, ending up in a strange place through absolutely no > fault of his own. Then I went on to describe what this dog will be > feeling when she finds herself in a shelter, how scared and unhappy > she'll be, the fact that she will probably, after all the trauma she'll > be put through, be pts because she's no spring chicken and there are so > many other animals at the shelter that will be attractive to potential > adopters. Bottom line? The mother has decided not to put the dog > through all this. She's kept the dog, (now ask me if I did the right > thing, the woman is learning, but she has a long way to go before she > provides the kind of home I think any animal deserves). > > I don't know Kerry. I'm not in a very good position right now to feel > empowering. Back to my mantra: All we can do, is all we can do. Good > luck helping those poor cats. I'd definitely bring up all the dangers > and neurosis caused when a declawed cat finds themself in less than safe > circumstances. > N > > MacKenzie, Kerry N. wrote: > > >Hi all > >I just received this from a co-worker---it makes me so sad (and > >livid--so I'll need to cool down before I compose a response). Unless a > >person has really compelling reasons e.g., moving into an unenlightened > >care facility, why would they be "unable" to take their cats? (She > >doesn't give a reason which makes me suspicious that the reasons are not > >compelling.) > >I think--once I've recovered--I should compose a measured, hopefully > >educational (that's where you wonderful guys' input particularly comes > >in) as-helpful-as-possible standard letter for myself to respond to this > >type of plea. If you have any suggestions for such a response I'd > >welcome them. I will of course direct her to the no-kill shelters > >ultimately too, tho I've no idea how they normally respond to this sort > >of situation. It must happen all the time. (I know, correction, *knew* > >one woman who gave up her cat because the fiance didn't like cats. Dump > >the man, more like.) > >thanks in advance for any info you want to suggest for this forthcoming > >form letter. And thank God for you guys, the real animal-lovers of the > >world. > >Kerry > > > > > > > >______ > >I am writing because I am moving soon and am unable to take my cats with > >me. I am therefore in need of a very good home for them. They are > >brother and sister, 10 years old, and extremely loving and sweet. They > >are both de-clawed, fixed, and up to date with shots. > >If you or anyone you know is interested in saving them and giving them a > >good home, I would be extremely grateful. > >Please let me know if you are interested in seeing pictures. > >I really appreciate any help I can get. > >Thanks, > >Kim > >847-945-8520 > > > ><hr> > > > >IRS CIRCULAR 230 NOTICE. Any advice expressed above as to tax matters was > >neither written nor intended by the sender or Mayer, Brown, Rowe & Maw LLP > >to be used and cannot be used by any taxpayer for the purpose of avoiding > >tax penalties that may be imposed under U.S. tax law. If any person uses or > >refers to any such tax advice in promoting, marketing or recommending a > >partnership or other entity, investment plan or arrangement to any taxpayer, > >then (i) the advice was written to support the promotion or marketing (by a > >person other than Mayer, Brown, Rowe & Maw LLP) of that transaction or > >matter, and (ii) such taxpayer should seek advice based on the taxpayers > >particular circumstances from an independent tax advisor > > > ><hr> > > > >This email and any files transmitted with it are intended solely for the use > >of the individual or entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received > >this email in error please notify the system manager. If you are not the > >named addressee you should not disseminate, distribute or copy this e-mail. > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > -- MaryChristine AIM / YAHOO: TenHouseCats MSN: [EMAIL PROTECTED] ICQ: 289856892
