Nina,
I'm so behind on email! I hope you've found Spencer.
t
Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
I have awful news. Spencer has gone missing. It's completely my fault,
I don't know what I was thinking. I left for appointments this morning
and deliberately left the door open for the dogs and cats. I've been
doing this forever, but I knew Spencer was very sick, I know that cats
can decide to find a quiet place to pass on their own, yet I left the
door open. In the six months that Spencer has been with us he rarely
goes outside and when he does it's to keep me company in the yard.
Whenever I call to him, he comes running like a puppy. I can only fear
the worst. I talked with a couple of ACs and they said that he was
looking for quiet and solitude, things that are in very short supply
around this madhouse. I've been combing the bushes and going through
the neighbor's yards all day. If he's still moving, if he wants to, I'm
praying that he'll come home. It even went through my mind to shut him
up before I left this morning, but I didn't think he'd be moving off his
bed much and I don't know, I didn't really process this thought, but I
didn't want him to feel like a prisoner either. He's been so good
through his illness. The vets last night kept commenting about how
sweet he was, I just hated to force anything on him.
I just wanted to let you all know. I can't think of a punishment graver
than not knowing what happened to him. I'm doing my best to not think
of this in terms of punishment at all, just what is. It's too late to
close the barn door now. I've gone through the frantic mode of finding
him gone, been crying as I search, right now I'm feeling really numb.
When I called Bruce at work to tell him, he asked me why I would want to
have forced him to die in the house with us if that's not what he
wanted. I could only come up with selfish answers for that one. The
hardest part of all this is that I may never know. I'm still praying
that he walks in the door.
Feeling repentant and very very sad,
Nina
