Nina, you and Spencer were meant to have this time together and I think you are right in wanting to make it quality time. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Gina
Nina <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Hello Everyone,
That was my first reaction too. I even said to the vet's assistant that I needed my answers BEFORE I brought Spencer in again. It was her suggestion to bring him anyway. Let me clarify something ... The doctor that is insisting on the consultation in person is not my regular internist. She got on the case because when Spencer was failing, my regular vet was not on duty and I wanted him seen asap. I've been tip toeing around trying not to offend this woman, she has been pretty good for the most part and I figured three heads were better than two.
I've been thinking long and hard about all this, as you can imagine. I have been talking to Spencer, doing my best to make a decision based on everyone's best interests. The pressure to decide quickly (given that remission is more likely in the beginning stages of cancer), has made it all the more difficult to think clearly. I'm disappointed that the vet won't discuss things over the phone and I don't have enough history with her to assume she's right in insisting that I come in there. Perhaps she's just tired of trying to discuss things with me over the phone and through a third party. (Every answer she gives me prompts two or three more questions).
Looking at Spencer, seeing the burst of quality life the steroid shots have given him, suspecting that putting him through the tests, office visits and treatments, will at best buy him more time, but not necessarily QUALITY time... I'm having a hard time making my decision final by writing to all of you about it, but I am very close to deciding to stop all hope of a medical intervention miracle and just enjoy the time we have together as things stand. That doesn't mean that I'll ever give up hope that Spencer will somehow miraculously rally, that by some chance he doesn't have cancer at all, it's all a big mistake and he'll just continue to improve and get well. I have, however, been around this disease long enough to recognize the sounding of the closing bell when I hear it. I can't tell you the number of times my heart has sank reading posts on this list from kitty guardians with the same symptoms that Spencer has presented.
I was discussing with my sister yesterday about how reluctant I am to put Spencer through any more stress. About how even if we did get a definitive diagnosis of a specific cancer, I'm not at all sure I'd want to treat him for it. Something my sister said has been echoing through my mind... She said, it seemed to her that putting Spencer through a battery of tests with the HOPE, (not the suspicion), of it being something curable, was not reason enough to disturb what may very well be his last days. I've always been grateful when one of my loved ones has had good final days with a quick and peaceful passing. Buying more time with Spencer, if that's even possible, does not seem worth the cost.
I just got a call from Hideyo. Hideyo reminded me that animals live in the NOW. Taking a moment away from the rambling I've been doing to you kind folks has helped. I went and gave Spencer some food. Petting him as he ate, I felt some of this awful weight lifting from both our shoulders. I'm not saying I won't change my mind again, but I'm feeling a sense of calm and peace that has been rare since Spence first started showing symptoms. It leads me to believe I'm on the right track here. He came back from what seemed like the dead to be with me. That's just what I'm going to allow him to do; BE with me in the now.
Thanks for being my sounding board and indulging me while I think out loud. As always, I'm so very grateful to the support of this group,
Nina
Diane Rosenfeldt wrote:Evan & Dee wrote:Nina, either I'm reading this wrong, or this is unacceptable. You've been so protective of Spencer's stress level vis a vis the vet, and now you have to bring him in just to *talk* to the vet?? Did the assistant say the vet was going to do any tests or anything, or just talk to you about options, because if he's not, you should march in there WITHOUT Spencer and have your talk. That way you spare Spence the trauma of the visit, you can be a little more objective without him in front of you, and most important, you won't be forced to make any hard decisions and have them acted on immediately, you can go home to Spence and consult him in your own time and have some good time together. Don't let your vet force your hand, this is a hard time and you don't want to be rushed or distracted. Just my $.02. Diane R. -----Original Message----- From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]]On Behalf Of Nina Sent: Wednesday, September 13, 2006 9:07 PM To: [email protected] Subject: Re: I'm glad you're sitting down - Spencer - my vet's office calledMy vet's assistant called a little while ago and told me that myquestions wouldn't be answered over the phone.Excellent suggestion Diane. I think we all to often neglect to question the practicality or wisdom of directions from vets (just like we do our own docs). Sounds like it may be possible to have a productive meeting w/o the unnecessary stress of transporting Spence
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