I had to let Oliver free from her body this morning -- she seemed to be in so much pain from the emergency clinic trip, since last night, she has had seizures almost every 15 minu or so last nigth even after valium and I couldn't let her continue that way.. I usually have a very difficult time to help assist them cross any of my kitties, because I can't let go of them. and I never know what they want for sure.. but this time,, it was very difficult to see Olive go through the seizures so many times as she seemed to be in so mcuh pain..it seems very selfish of me to let her be how she was.. I had someone come over and assisted her cross a little while ago-- of course, I have so much gult now and don't know what to do with the feeling.. though logically, I could convince myself that I did a right thing.. i just don't feel right and I have a regret already -- I am feeling numb right now at the same time, I am feeling awful about what i did..
I was talking to dr. Addie from University of glagslow who has done research for FIP for the past two decades, and she was explaining to me how FIP is the disease that we human create by domesticating our kitties and keeping them indoor -- please don't get me wrong.. she was not suggesting that keeping cats indoor was a bad thing.. but there is a price to pay when you have multiple of animals in the house.. as feces from litter box is the most common way to get the corona virus and as they shed from feces -- and out in wild, FIP is much less common due to the fact that they don't use litter boxes obviously... and that's what I meant when I produced the disease and not separating them in a small group.. There are a few people on FIP support list who have lost several of their kitties to FIP --- it can be sproadic and usually is.. but sometimes, it's epidemic.. and when it happens it's very scary..as you already know..
I am so afraid thinking what's now, what's next -- as I am trying not to create a problem before it even happens.. but you just have to understand.. my Oliver was just fine (or at least I thought which was my very bad) until last night.. it seemed progressed so quickly and never seen anything like it...
Everyone, prlease pray that my olive is at peace and feel free and my Dharma, Naomi and Peter are greeting at her at the rainbow bridge..
