Michelle - are you going to order acemmanan?
I am sorry that Lucy's getting more pale - I know exactly what you are going through as it has been my daily routine to check the color of gums of my babies for a while now. Michelle - please don't be fearful - I know it's hard, but try not - "fear" is our worst enemy - there is really nothing to fear if you really thing about it - journey of you and Lucy will continue and you will be bonded together eternally. Even if she decides to leave the body that she is in as it won't allow her all the things that she has wanted to do, you will be still together forever. I am telling you this, as I needed to exercise this thought with every single one of the babies I lost.. our babies are not afraid of deaths like we are.. they live in the moments,, they are much more perceptive than we are.. they know, the death is not end of the journey ---please stay positive, Michelle - let Lucy knows that there is nothing to worry about.. everything is going to be just fine - comfort her and love her unconditionally no matter what... When I was going through Dharma's illness, I so wanted to make her get better .. and my AC told me that I was putting too much pressure Dharma,,, Dharma felt uncomfortable because of my such a strong desire to want her to get better.. she wanted to feel okay just the way she was.. so instead of praying for her to get better, I started praying for whatever is best for Dharma,, even if it meant for her to leave the body.. I asked what's best for her.. as Dharma felt I was manipulative by wanting her to get better so much .. she wanted me to respect her thought and desire.. and she wanted to feel good about leaving the body when she was ready.. and she did.. I miss her every day so terribly.. but in a way, I am closer to her.. as there is no limitations between us anymore.. _____ From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of [EMAIL PROTECTED] Sent: Tuesday, January 30, 2007 12:05 PM To: felvtalk@felineleukemia.org Subject: taking Lucy to get fluid drained I am taking her in half an hour. I am really nervous about it. The vet agreed to do the shot of 1/2 cc dexamethasone into the abdominal cavity after draining, which apparently sometimes helps slow the refill time. I think she is even more anemic than on sat when her pcv was 15-- the parts of her gums that were a little pink then are now completely white. She got her fourth dose of Epogen yesterday, but it clearly is not working yet if it is going to work at all. She gets up to use the litterbox, and looks alert if she hears a mouse in the wall, and purrs to be pet sometimes, but other than that just sleeps. I am going to ask the vet to try leukeran, just in case this is from her ibd or she has developed intestinal small cell lymphoma, since the abx are clearly not helping her so I doubt she has toxo (unless the steroids have been keeping the abx from working or something). I fear that she does not have long left. I am not getting any work done or going anywhere; I have pretty much been researching possibilities of what is happening to her and caring for her/staring at her full-time since the weekend. She is my baby, and I think I am losing her, and I was not ready for this. I really thought she just had a URI when she spiked a fever two weeks ago today. I think it is probably FIP (I just realized that they never actually tested her albumin level, so perhaps it is low after all), but even if it is something else I am losing hope that she will get any better. I want to see if the leukeran will do something. If not, I will try to do the dex/depo shots for comfort. Please keep Lucy in your prayers. I know that this should not be a shock to me at this point, having lost 4 FeLV+ cats and knowing that her age, at least 5.5 years old, is not young for a positive cat. But I love her so much, and can not stand to see her going through this. I also can not imagine this house without her in it. She just started dreaming-- her ear is twitching. I really love this cat. Michelle
