Jane,
I felt the same feelings you are feeling when I got the positive result on my
Pippin when she was six weeks old. I would look at her sweet face and think,
"how much time do I have with her?" I felt it every day of the five months I
waited for her second test result. Even though she tested negative the second
time around, I still have a sense of fear that it is in "hiding" in her bone
marrow, or somehow she had a false negative on the IFA. I think the fearful
and sad feelings are normal.
One thing I know is, we don't know how much time we have, any of us. I think
it's particularly hard to deal with a possible time table like with FeLV or any
other disease. But in a way, it reminds us to cherish every moment, because we
don't know how long we have. There are more wise and experienced people on
this list who will speak to this though.
Prayers going up for you and MeMe.
Gina
Jane Lyons <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
Cassandra you and Kisa are in my thoughts and prayers.
Does the anxiety and sadness ever go away? I feel as though
I am still in shock with the diagnosis. I feel I am back to the place
I was when my 19 year old (NoNo) was failing and I would wake up every
few hours to make sure she was ok. The feelings of impending loss
and sadness became like a low grade fever for many months. When it
became clear that she was in pain and had to cross, I was prepared and
relieved to be free of the fear and anxiety and sadness that became a
part
of the end of her long and happy life and our infinite bond.
When I brought this kitten (MeMe) home, I was exhilarated by her
sweetness and
smitten by the antics of a young cat. It had been a long time since
someone had
propelled themselves across the room from a counter top to the back of
my neck.
She sleeps between us in the same spot that NoNo had for 19 years.
The Feline Leukemia diagnosis has brought back the sadness and
bittersweet feelings
of loss and mortality and connectedness. While I am committed to doing
whatever I can to
give her the best care and support available, will I ever be able to
hold her and kiss her
without a surge of sadness and regret and longing? Does the shock of
this disease ever move
to a place of acceptance and appreciation for the present time and
moment.
I realize that what I am asking has to do with my own consciousness and
ability to live in
the moment with gratitude that I selected this dear, sweet being to
love and care for.
She's sitting on my lap, purring and I am typing. I guess that is an
answer.
Thanks for listening.
Jane
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