Cassandra,
You're not being punished for something! Are you Catholic? :-) I am, and I often have these feelings of guilt or punishment-sometimes we just can't see through the bleakness and the sadness, and we try to rationalize in any way possible. There is no way that God or the Universe or Karma or whatever you may believe in is punishing you. I firmly believe that because we love so much, we will inevitably hurt more than other people who don't love animals. There's the old saying that "God only gives us what we can handle," and I used to tell myself that when I lost my son. I'm not sure I believe it or not, but I want to. It's not that we are being punished, but we are people who can handle it. We have to for these kitties since no one will. We will suffer in the process, but we know that the time we did spend with these babies is still worth all our grief. We can handle it because we're strong people who stand up for our fellow creatures who are innocent, neglected, and abused. I guess I think of it as a yin/yang type thing-or a balance if you will. Our grief is directly proportional to our capacity to love-so clearly, you and everyone on this list are very loving people. Although the sadness can be overwhelming, it is the result of a greater love and compassion for others-it comes from your heart. It's not punishment that all this is happening at once, but I understand how you can feel that way. Another old saying: When it rains, it pours. For me this seems to be the case! But, you'll get through it! Keep your head up and realize how special you, your husband, and those around you are since what you do is a phenomenal gift to our world. Best, Melissa _____ From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] On Behalf Of C & J Sent: Friday, June 15, 2007 10:34 PM To: [email protected] Subject: Re: Kisa is gone, thank you all I just want to thank you all for your many kind words and thoughts regarding Kisa, Koda, and Tomi. This is one of the few places where I feel comfortable sharing how strongly I feel about my babies and how deeply saddened I am by their illnesses. My husband is about the only other person who understands how much our kitties mean to both him and I. Most other people I know don't understand the deep bond one can have with an "animal". All your replies have meant much to me, and made me feel better. It is amazing that you have never met my babies or I, and yet can offer so many words of reassurance. I am missing Kisa terribly, as she was so much fun to have around. She was the social one, who interacted with my other cats, grooming and playing. Now I have three kitties left who have nothing at all to do with each other. I think they all miss her. Sadly, I am not having much time to grieve for Kisa, because I believe Tomi is getting sick again. The last few days, he seems to be getting more anemic again, and he vomited tonight. After he vomited, he was panting for a few seconds. I'm also worried that he hasn't grown back the hair on his neck that was shaved 3 months ago for his blood test. It still looks like it did a week after it was shaved. I'm thinking of bringing him into the vet again, even though they wanted to put him to sleep 2 months ago. I was wondering if his hemobartonella may be coming back, and that should be simple enough for them to test for. I am so scared to have to go through this again so soon, and afraid Tomi won't be able to pull off a miracle a second time. I almost feel like we are being punished for something, the way this nightmare seems to be unfolding. Cassandra ----- Original Message ----- From: C <mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED]> & J To: [email protected] Sent: Tuesday, June 12, 2007 4:50 PM Subject: Kisa is gone :( Kisa passed away this morning while I was at work, exactly one month after Koda. My heart is broken, especially since I wasn't there with her at the end. I had prayed and hoped so much that she would continue to improve after she started eating again a week and a half ago. I suppose it was just too much for her to overcome. The anemia never really did improve much. Though her breathing was better, her skin was so pale. The last few days, her appetite faltered again, and she was getting weaker. I didn't think today would be the day she died, though i'm relieved she didn't have to go on suffering much longer. I don't think she was in pain, and I sincerely hope she wasn't in pain at the end. It was just so hard to see her so weak when she was as active and happy as a kitten 3 weeks ago. Kisa is going to be missed more than words can say. She never quite saw her 3rd birthday, but the time she spent with us will never be forgotten. She was special in so many ways, I wouldn't even know where to start to list them all. Fearless, loving, gentle, playful, curious, and sweet are just a few of the words that describe her. She's been sleeping on my pillow the last few nights, and i'm going to miss her warmth so much. If it ever stops raining, she will be buried next to Koda tonight. I made a rock garden full of flowers on top of Koda's grave. Now Kisa will join her there. Cassandra _____ No virus found in this incoming message. Checked by AVG Free Edition. Version: 7.5.472 / Virus Database: 269.8.14/845 - Release Date: 6/12/2007 6:39 AM
