The following is an excerpt from an article that was posted on another list I'm
on. The felv list is always shadowed by the sorrow and the potential sorrow of
losing a loved one. We've touched on the points that John makes time and time
again, but I thought it might help those suffering with loss to consider them
yet again.
Nina
The Mirror of Death
Although it is inevitable, losing a loved one is never easy. Suddenly
a part of your life is gone and there is a gaping hole that was once
filled with love. I, like everyone else, have had to cope with this
emptiness, but it took the death of my dear friend, Sarah, a border
collie who was my faithful companion for almost 16 years, to come
upon a discovery that changed my life...
Sarah was an abused puppy we rescued when we lived in England. When
we went looking for a dog, I was keen on another one that was in the
foster home we visited, but she chose me. Her abuser had been a man
and she feared all men, but for some reason she saw something in me,
very much a man, that was different and boldly approached me wagging
her tail. In spite of my protests, it was a battle I could not win.
She was the dog for me and that was it...
After years of devotion on both of our parts, the time came when
cancer took over and we had to put her down. In the cool shade of our
front lawn, we stared into each other's eyes, trying to prolong the
moment. Then it was over. She was gone.
Days of grief immediately followed. Friends tried to say the right
words. Hugs were given generously. Everything helped, but they
couldn't fill the void in my soul. I tried pep talks to convince
myself that it was all for the best and so on and so on. I missed my
dog and that was it.
One noon, a few days after her death, I was walking on the streets of
Tavistock. I paused to look into a florist's window, then I saw it -
my reflection. What followed though were the thoughts that turned my
tears of sorrow into joy.
Like the reflection in a mirror or glass, death is the reflection of
life. The greater the love you felt, the greater the grief. There are
people who die every day that I feel no grief for. However, my dear
Sarah's death created a deep and profound sorrow. However, it was
only so deep and profound because our love for each other had been so
deep and profound, too. The sorrow was a mere reflection of the joy
we shared. What a precious thought. It allowed me to cope with my
emotions. Every time I experienced the pain, I remembered that it was
a mere reflection of the love and a reminder that it still existed.
Although no longer with me, Sarah's love was.
Then came the question. It changed the tears into sobs of joy.
The question? Would I take away any of the precious moments we shared
to lessen the sorrow I was experiencing now? The answer was an
emphatic NO! As much as I mourned the loss of a great friend, there
is no way I would have taken anything away from our experience
together. The result was that I embraced the emotions instead of
trying to explain them away or rationalize them. Embracing them meant
that I could deal with them effectively, since I wasn't trying to
avoid them or push them away.
Many of you, I'm sure, are going through grief from the death of a
loved one. No matter how great the pain may be, if you wouldn't
change anything from your life with your loved one to lessen it, you
know that you have had a very special relationship with somebody -
something that many long for and never experience. When the sorrow
comes, remember it as a mere reflection of the love you once shared,
and a reminder that it has not gone away.
John Stevens
John Stevens is a creative, "idea" person from St. Marys, Ontario,
Canada, who does some freelance writing. He is filling his time with
some occasional teaching while looking for his next adventure in
life. You can email John at: [EMAIL PROTECTED]
