Giselle,
I am so sorry to hear of your sweet Pixie's passing. It is such a heartbreak and many of us on this list have been through it more then once and completely understand how hard it is. There is nothing so empty as their favorite places after they are gone. Most of all please do not feel guilty for the time you were traveling. It is so easy to second guess yourself and keep saying "what if". You obviously took wonderful care of Pixie and gave her a great life. This is a horrible, evil disease and nothing you could have done can change that.
Peace and kitty blessings to you and your angel Pixie.
Sue
----- Original Message ----- From: "G D" <gisell...@hotmail.com>
To: <felvtalk@felineleukemia.org>
Sent: Friday, May 15, 2009 12:43 PM
Subject: [Felvtalk] Pixie is a fluffy orange angel



It is with profound sadness that I share that my sweet baby Pixie Katzenellenbogan passed away yesterday evening. She was euthanized by a gentle and sympathetic vet while I stroked and talked to her. I told her she was deeply
loved.

Yesterday I got second and third opinions from vets I felt were genuinely interested in Pixie (unlike the apathetic first vet) and it was terrible news all around (see the bloodwork analysis below). In the last two days she deteriorated quickly before my eyes despite the regimen of syringe-administered diluted wet food prescribed by the vet. Her breathing had become increasingly fast and shallow (a vet explained she was gasping for oxygen due to the anemia). She was crying out in pain, even while lying still, too weak to stand up or walk, and staring blankly. It was heartbreaking to see her suffering. Things she once enjoyed held no interest (favorite stinky foods, lying in a sunbeam, toys, going out in the yard, being brushed).

I emailed the lab results from Pixie's bloodwork to a friend who's a vet in Canada and her analysis was: "There are a couple of things on her bloodwork that are alarming. First of all, she is very anemic (ie very low red blood cell count). In conjunction with what's going on with her high white blood cell count and platelets though,
I'm less concerned about the anemia itself and more concerned about an
actual leukemia (ie cancer). Her red blood cells and platelets are both very low
which indicates that the bone marrow is likely diseased and not
producing them properly.  On top of that, according to the written
interpretation at the bottom, the red blood cells and platelets that do
exist are all showing signs of immaturity- this means that they are not
sticking around in the bone marrow long enough to mature completely
because something (ie the leukemia that is pumping out cells) is taking
up space in the bone marrow. Besides the changes in her CBC, some other parameters also point
towards this diagnosis:  her calcium level is elevated which is often
seen in association with cancer and her CPK is high which might
indicate muscle wasting.  Muscle wasting is often also seen with
cancer."

I thought yesterday was hard (choosing to end Pixie's suffering & helping her cross over) but today is even worse. Waking up with
no Pixie at the foot of the bed, no Pixie meowing for her tuna, no
Pixie
scampering down the stairs. Seeing her things everywhere -- food
bowls, toys, blankets, cat grass, scratching mats, the armchair she shredded, a brush full of orange
fur -- is devastating. HOW can I possibly live here without her?



Pixie was born in South Philadelphia in spring 2005, rescued from the
streets during a snowstorm in February 2006, and came into my life in
March 2006. She was a feisty little champ like Rocky. Pixie became a
Dutch cat in August 2006 when we moved to the Netherlands (her
permanent & final home), flying Northwest so I could bring her in
the cabin, tucking her carrier under the seat in front of me, and carrying a
pop-up make-shift litterbox, food, water, vet documents, and Rescue
Remedy.

She was the perfect companion.

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