You forgot to run it through a spell checker and there are a few grammar errors as well but its a very good story. I was wondering for a moment if you were going to have poor Yoko fall for Ranma at the end drawing it outwhile she tried to find a new place. And while I do like the current ending you could write a great Omake about her snagging Ranma rather than Keitaro after his curse is fully cured.
As for writing notes I have to agree with Jorge Pratt, she was just a little TOO poilite and perfect even for attempting to act that way once meeting Ranma for training. Its okay for her to be that way but I would expect to see some more internal grumbling than we do. As for later I also missed the drop off of her internal monologues and agree that a little bit more could be bennificial, even if they are only highlighting her concerns, both for Ranma, and at the same time her concerns for catching her husband. I don't think its unreasonable for her to be thinking both at once. -------------- next part -------------- An HTML attachment was scrubbed... URL: http://www.chez-vrolet.net/pipermail/ffml/attachments/20070809/e144c558/attachment.htm --- .-------Anime/Manga Fanfiction Mailing List--------. | Administrators - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Unsubscribing - [EMAIL PROTECTED] | | Put 'unsubscribe' in the subject | `------------ FAQ URL coming soon.... -------------'
