On Mon, Dec 17, 2007 at 6:01 PM, Paul Durant <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
>    Itohiro Nakami couldn't sit still. He wasn't sure if he was elated
>  or terrified, and he seemed to be oscillating between them ten times a
>  second. He bopped up and down slightly in his seat, shifted his weight
>  from his left armrest to his right armrest and back again, looked
>  around the plane's cabin nervously for nothing in particular.

I think there should be an 'and' after that last comma.

>    "Nooot exactly," said Nakami, chewing on his cheek a little.

Isn't....  Isn't this guy a Grey?

>    "Well, you picked a good guy to sit next to for your first time,
>  mister," said the bald man who clearly cared more about his own voice
>  than Nakami's. "I've been up in the air thousands of times for my
>  business -- I'm in sales, by the way," like Nakami gave a shit, "I
>  probably have more flight time than half the pilots by now. So if you
>  got any questions about anything here don't you hesitate to ask and
>  I'll lay it all out for you. I love mentoring you newbies." He
>  extended his sweaty-palmed hand. "Walter Mifflin, pleased to meet
>  you."

He passed away just last year....

>    "So," said Walter as he retracted his hand but clearly missed the
>  hint, "What takes you out to California? I've got a biiig presentation
>  for some real important Hollywood-types in a couple days and I thought
>  I'd get there early, you know, scope out the area, get the lay of the
>  land. Don't want to be unprepared, plus I figured I could get in some
>  surfing lessons on company time, you feel me?" He chuckled and elbowed
>  Nakami in the ribs. "What about you, you into anything like that?"

hint, "What -- hint, "what

>    "I'm not going to California," he droned in a tone of voice he
>  hoped indicated 'I am too polite to not respond to you but am not
>  interested in this conversation' but he doubted it would. "I'm just
>  stopping in California on my way to Japan."

Heh ... 'droned'....

>    Yeah, something like that. You know the horrible boogeyman that
>  lived in your closet when you were five years old, the one who your
>  dad could never find during the daytime? The one that came out at
>  night every night and just stared at your quivering form underneath
>  the covers? And you didn't dare to lift your blanket, to expose one
>  square inch of your body because you knew, you KNEW that was all it
>  took for him to each over and flay the flesh off your bones. So you
>  just sat there with your eyes wide open, paralyzed with fear, and
>  hoped to God you wouldn't fall asleep or he wouldn't just decide to
>  pull the blanket off of you and rip you to shreds right there? And
>  every single morning when you woke up you wondered how you were even
>  alive and the only conclusion you could ever draw was that he was
>  toying with you. My boogeyman's name was Isci ba Fan, and he's been
>  menacing my entire extended family for as long as we've existed. The
>  last time we tried to do something about him he killed around ten
>  thousand of us and we rammed a STARSHIP into its FACE and we still
>  couldn't destroy him. And ever since he's been showing up at family
>  reunions from time to time wearing someone's peeled skin, just to let
>  us know he's there. And all of us pretend he's a superstition because
>  we all know he's real and he scares the living shit out of us.

 to each over --  to reach over

You switch between 'it' and 'him' for El Morte Grande.

Does this mean that he finds Grey minds less disgusting to interact with?

>    Nakami downed the shot of bourbon in one gulp and tapped the
>  stewardess on the shoulder as she was leaving. He handed the empty
>  shot glass back to her and said "I'm going to need a hell of a lot
>  more of these to get where I'm going."

said "I'm -- said, "I'm

>    The charging daimon had totally ignored her up until she finished
>  that sentence, at which point her head jerked to the side like a dog
>  hearing a can opener. "YOU!" it howled as it changed its course to run
>  towards her, "YOU ARE NOT SUPPOSED TO BE HERE YOU HAVE TO COME BACK
>  WITH ME RIGHT NOW!" One of the thing's bright orange legs looked
>  mangled but it ran at her with hardly a limp.

her, "YOU -- her. "YOU

So, I'm guessing that all of these daimons are being controlled
directly by Number One Death, only, he's not as great at bossing them
around as he thinks?

>    Before the severed head even hit the sidewalk the daimon was gone
>  with a 'POP!' and a puff of smoke. In its place was an ordinary
>  commercial piledriver (though dented and beaten beyond use) and,
>  floating above it, nine glowing red gems. They resembled the one on
>  Hotaru's chest, though none of them were so ornate or had so many
>  points.

I may have missed this earlier ... should that be 'pile-driver'
instead of 'piledriver'?

>    "So, how come you didn't tell us you were," he turned around to
>  face her and his eyes went wide, "oh son of a bitch is there some kind
>  of CONVENTION in town?"

This won't end well for the HI crew.

>    "So, I don't suppose either of you know a girl named Tomoe Hotaru?"
>  Uranus turned to him slowly, with a look equal parts confusion and
>  wrath, like a man who goes to the supermarket and unexpectedly runs
>  into the person who killed his family. "Little girl, about yay tall,
>  dark purple eyes, kind of sickly?"

About 'yea tall', I think.

>    Uranus blinked and spoke in English slowly and deliberately. "Right
>  now, I want you to repeat the phrase, 'I am actuely aware of the fact
>  that it's not working, William.'"

actuely -- acutely

>    Phil started to say something, then his eyes went wide and he lost
>  his train of thought. He stammered out "What, I, I don't even know
>  what you're talking about, Dr. Tomoe is the one who was summoning
>  demons, I wasn't--"

out "What -- out, "What

>    Phil swallowed nervously and kneeled down, checking the pulse and
>  breathing of a man while never taking his eyes off the angry woman.

kneeled -- knelt

>    "Nobody's not on an anything yet," responded Nadine, "You're just
>  hallucinating. Go back to sleep until the paramedics arrive."

Nadine, "You're -- Nadine. "You're -or- Nadine, "you're

>    Neptune and Phil looked at each other for a moment. Phil broke into
>  a run down the now-deserted mall toward the eastern exit, and Neptune
>  sprinted behind him. Uranus and Nadine shared the same meaningful
>  look, then each looked down at their patient and started performing
>  CPR like it was an Olympic event, breath-breath-pushpushpushpushpush
>  with mad urgency and speed. Uranus's patient coughed first and before
>  he could even ask what was going on she had clapped her hands in the
>  air, shouted "YES!", and jumped over him to sprint off down the mall's
>  length.

shouted "YES!", -- shouted, "YES!",

>    "William Sessions isn't the director of the FBI any more," said the
>  woman with the head wound. "It's a man named Louis Freeh now."

*snrk*

>    Nadine fixed her with a stern glare. "Ma'am, the FBI does not
>  appreciate nitpickers."

Bwahahaha!

>    A pristine canary-yellow 1967 Toyota 2000GT open-top, one of only
>  two models ever produced, a vehicle once driven (albeit briefly) by
>  James Bond himself, Mr. Sean Connery for the film "You Only Live
>  Twice", a vehicle into which Tenou Haruka has poured countless hours
>  of time and gallons of sweat modifying, tweaking, and enhancing to be
>  the most flawless, the most ruthless racing machine ever to cast its
>  shadow on the quarter-mile...

film "You -- film, "You

However, since this is a title, not a proper quotation, it should
probably actually be:

Twice", a -- Twice" a

>    -- had been stolen. Uranus was nearly apoplectic with rage upon
>  discovering this and had Neptune not been there to calm her down it's
>  possible she would have killed the next person she saw with her bare
>  hands. Not precisely likely, but certainly possible. Lacking
>  automotive transportation, and with public transportation service
>  during a mass youma attack spotty at best, they ran. When they arrived
>  at the Narita airport, they did not find a team of FBI agents ready to
>  load Tomoe Hotaru onto a plane back to Quantico, Virginia. And in the
>  time it took them to get there Michiru remembered from 'Silence of the
>  Lambs' that Quantico was where the FBI training academy was, not its
>  headquarters.

Heh!

>    What they did find was four more of the new-model daimons, ten feet
>  tall and made out of very hazardous objects. They also found Tuxedo
>  Mask running as fast as he could in circles around the daimons -- who
>  were bumping into each other at least as much as they were attacking
>  him -- and on his shoulders, Sailor Chibi-Moon firing a sustained Pink
>  Sugar Heart Attack. An attack that, she learned within the past hour,
>  will actually kill a daimon if it's kept up for around fifteen to
>  twenty minutes, a situation that may arise when Tuxedo Kamen's run out
>  of whatever magical ammunition propels those roses around and there
>  are no other Sailor Senshi in sight.

Also hilarious.

Those 1 point NNDs get the job done!

...eventually.

>    When the daimon turned back into the power transformer that spawned
>  it and the nimbus of electrical interference around it vanished, it
>  left behind five heart crystals and a whole host of problems. Luckily
>  for them, heart crystals won't go back into a person they didn't
>  originate in; THAT would have been a nightmare to figure out
>  otherwise. They'd wanted to get Sailor Jupiter, or just Makoto by that
>  point, into a bed with some very powerful painkillers in her
>  bloodstream; but they couldn't move her, they couldn't get into the
>  cabinet with the morphine, Ami wasn't sure she could dose Makoto
>  without killing her, and they had very pressing matters competing for
>  their attention. In the end they just had to leave a note on Makoto
>  (who was mercifully unconscious at this time) that said "Broken leg,
>  cast mislaid -- EXTREME PAIN, recommend opiates." At the bottom Ami
>  tried to forge her mother's signature but they doubted anyone would
>  buy it.

Ouch.

>    Today's daimons, in addition to their great numbers, larger size,
>  and unusual behaviors, share other characteristics. All of them are
>  made out of items that were extremely dangerous -- industrial
>  equipment, lawnmowers, that sort of thing. And they were all tougher.
>  Not exponentially tougher, not enough that their attacks did no damage
>  and they knew that Sailor Moon would soon get her powers upgraded as a
>  result, but enough that it took two or three times as much fire to
>  take one down, assuming no misses or blocked shots. Thank God that
>  none of them had the same reactive defense as the power-transformer-
>  daimon did or they would be dead eight times over.

Senshi stack AGI or +defense rating?  I would expect a high spirit
build, actually....

Talk about MADs.  They obviously need Of the Wolf gear.

>    Its body was a dull rust color, which made sense as it appeared to
>  be made out of old, rusted metal. Its legs were just metal cylinders,
>  its arms had long lag bolts that looked to take the place of biceps.
>  Its right hand was two steamshovel-scoops that clacked together, it's
>  left hand was a rivet gun. Rivets ran up and down its torso and legs,
>  stained with even deeper patches of rust. Mars ducked behind the
>  corner to talk to Mercury.

The worst of a Rosie and a Big Daddy, all in one.

steamshovel-scoops -- steam-shovel scoops

>    The back of Mercury's head collided with Mars's legs and sent the
>  both of them toppling backwards, arms flailing wildly. Mercury didn't
>  fire off her attack when she was flailing her arms like this and thank
>  the Silver Millennium for small favors. The youma shouted "IT'S TOO
>  LATE NOW! YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP EARLY ENOUGH!" and it started to run, its
>  big metal legs clanking and straining. It wasn't running away from
>  them, but it wasn't exactly running towards them; it seemed to just be
>  trying to go around them.

shouted "IT'S -- shouted, "IT'S

>    Mars planted her palms on the sidewalk on either side of her head
>  and kicked her way upwards, connecting with the Mugen's chest with two
>  high-heels. He staggered and reeled but did not topple, at least until
>  Mercury kicked the ankles out from under him. Mars got to her feet and
>  lunged forward, arm outstretched, clotheslining the second Mugen
>  across the throat. She grabbed his wrist and spun him so that he was
>  in front of her and she had his arm twisted behind his back, gave it a
>  good yank upward, then kicked him in the small of the back (no heel,
>  she didn't want to paralyze him) and sent him toppling into the third
>  Mugen, causing them both to tumble to the sidewalk. Mercury rolled to
>  the side and rose to a crouch; had she got up any faster, she likely
>  would have been decapitated by the large metal bolt that whizzed over
>  her and grazed her hair. It impacted the building behind her with a
>  heavy THUNK. The monster crowed "CAN'T STOP ME ANY MORE!" and fired
>  again, Mars easily ducked out of the way.

crowed "CAN'T -- crowed, "CAN'T

Seems like that last sentence might need to begin with a 'when'?

>    Neither one of them had to say "Rivet guns don't even work that
>  way," it was just assumed.

say "Rivet -- say "Rivet

>    Mercury thought for a split-second she could nail the daimon from
>  here, but thought better of it. She was seeing it from the side now
>  and soon from the back, and neither angle let her see the glowing hot
>  area Mars had made with her attack, hitting somewhere else may waste
>  energy they cannot afford to waste. Instead she ran toward the subway
>  station in a full sprint, hoping her faster pace could make up for the
>  daimon's longer legs. The monster fired its rivet gun at her as she
>  closed the distance, but missed wildly every time, apparently it was
>  terrible at leading its shots. Mars ran close behind her.

every time, apparently -- every time; apparently

>    The daimon had enough of a head start and enough momentum to make
>  it to its target first, and it leapt into the open stairwell like
>  Arnold Shwarzenegger leaping towards the landing strut of a
>  helicopter. It hit the ground with a horrible CRASH and more piercing
>  metal-on-metal screeching, and the people in the station (who
>  apparently did not notice the monsters outside until just now)
>  screamed and fled as the monster rose to its feet.

I thought it'd be too big to fit!

>    Mercury got to the stairwell next and she leapt onto the handrail
>  in the center and slid down it -- something that she's always wanted
>  to do, truth be told. She came in to find the monster unable to stand
>  fully under the low ceiling of the subway station and scrabbling on
>  its hands and knees to get to the platform. "TOO LATE! ALREADY DONE!
>  TOO LATE!" it crowed.

she's -- she'd (?)

>    The monster pushed itself backward onto its rear, with its knees in
>  front of its chest, and fired repeatedly at the toll station Mercury
>  had ducked behind. It seemed to have abandoned its triumphant tone and
>  was now shouting "GO AWAY! YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING!" like all the
>  others. Mercury winced a little every time she felt the dull impact of
>  a rivet hitting the tollbooth, and put her hands above her head to
>  shield her from shards of broken glass.

shouting "GO -- shouting, "GO

Ichi-Shi seems to be in denial, doesn't he?

>    Mars shouted "Mars Flame Sniper!" from the other side of the
>  station and Mercury heard a 'whoosh' of heat and flame. She counted to
>  five, the time she estimated it would take for the monster to turn
>  around, then stood up from behind her cover and delivered a Shine Aqua
>  Illusion right into the back of the creature's glowing red head. It
>  snapped, it crackled, and then it popped, leaving behind an old, rusty
>  rivet gun and a floating array of heart crystals that almost looked
>  like something Alexander Calder would make.

shouted "Mars -- shouted, "Mars

>    "YOU'RE AN OBSTRUCTION! YOU ARE DELAYING THINGS!" shouted the saw-
>  daimon, and it ran at its attacker. The two men with her said nothing,
>  they just charged. Their legs were shorter than the ten-foot daimon's,
>  and they lagged behind it. And behind them, the pointy-daimon and the
>  other three humans sauntered forward as if nothing unusual had
>  occurred.

I get the feeling that the supernatural yells this at Mr. Wheeler often.

>    Bill fumbled with the bolt again and fired the last round in the
>  magazine, the spark told him he'd connected right with her knee and
>  she showed no signs of slowing down or falling. "Damn it, that doesn't
>  negate the force of the impact!" he shouted, and grabbed into his
>  pockets for more ammo.

magazine, the -- magazine; the

>    When the incoming sawblade was split into two pieces by a vaguely
>  spiral-shaped cut down its middle and wobbled harmlessly to the
>  ground, it actually took Hotaru a second to realize that she'd sliced
>  it out of midair. Behind her, Bill pulled out a fistful of ammunition
>  and swore when he realized he'd grabbed the wrong caliber of ammo. He
>  dropped the rifle to the ground and pulled his revolver out of his
>  jacket.

Gordon Freeman: Yeah, those hit much harder.

>    That's why when the monster spun to face her, pinkish ooze leaking
>  out of its lower body, it was able to backhand her into a wall without
>  her dodging it.

Mm.  She's going to have to overcome these confidence issues, methinks.

>    Hotaru gasped, the wind knocked out of her, and when she dove
>  downward to avoid the followup attack from the saw she left a few
>  purple hairs stuck to its blade. So, Sailor Saturn wasn't taking
>  control. Something else. She swung her weapon at the creature's arm to
>  hack it off, but it pulled back and upwards to get out of the way.
>  Hotaru rolled forward to her feet before the creature could manage a
>  followup attack. She could swing a weapon, she could fight, she could
>  dodge and leap and she didn't even have to be thinking about it, but
>  she had to be trying to do it, there wasn't someone else there to do
>  all the work. The monster advanced, swung the saw back and forth at
>  her, she couldn't get a good swing in for fear her weapon would be cut
>  in half. She leapt backwards out of the way of each swing, thrusting
>  over the saw-arm at the creature's face but her attacks were easily
>  swatted away.

Repetition of 'followup'.

>    The daimon fell backwards to the sidewalk, right leg severed at the
>  knee and left leg severed at the thigh. It flailed its arms wildly and
>  shouted "STOP DELAYING THINGS! YOU ARE DELAYING THINGS!" Bill took a
>  second to judge how far it's arms would go, waited for it to swing the
>  saw downwards, then jumped next to the creature's head, put the barrel
>  of his gun in its eye, and fired three times. Pink ooze sprayed from
>  the back of its head, it gurgled for a split-second and then reverted
>  to the Black and Decker circular saw it had spawned from.

shouted "STOP -- shouted, "STOP

Score one for the mortal!

>    As predicted, the daimon turned around towards the source of the
>  attack, but the humans didn't because they hadn't seen it. The blue
>  thing shouted "SHUT UP! GO AWAY! YOU AREN'T DOING ANYTHING!" and ran
>  full-sprint at Bill; it didn't even slow down to avoid Hotaru's blade
>  and managed to slice itself in half at the waist with its own
>  momentum. Before the top half of it even hit the ground, it had turned
>  back into something Bill would have guessed was a Garden Weasel.

shouted "SHUT -- shouted, "SHUT

>    "One, gimme your inhaler," said Bill brusquely, "Two, where the
>  hell have you been, and three, where did you get that car?"

brusquely, "Two -- brusquely, "two, -or- brusquely. "Two,  (I'd go
with the first suggestion.)

>    "One, here." Donna reached into her pocket and produced a white
>  albuterol inhaler, which she passed to Bill, who passed it to Hotaru.
>  Hotaru shook it up, pressed the trigger, and inhaled deeply,
>  immediately coughing almost all of the medicine out without effect.
>  "Two, I went to take care of those hypno-assholes, then I figured I
>  needed to get us another set of wheels. Which leads into three, some
>  asshole had this thing parked across two spaces with the top down and
>  one of those push-button ignitions like they have on racecars instead
>  of keys. Nobody who would do that deserves to have this car. Why, what
>  the hell have you been doing?"

That stuff tastes nasty. :x

>    Mom and Dad had gone to the hospital to visit Usagi, and Shingo
>  didn't come because they were worried he might still have the flu and
>  pass it on to the patients, even though that totally cleared up like a
>  week ago. He loved his sister and all, and he'd want to visit her
>  eventually, but he figured letting her stew a while might teach her to
>  take so long in the bathroom every morning.

teach her to -- teach her not to (?)

>    When the show gets interrupted by a breaking news bulletin, Shingo
>  doesn't even stop to hear about bizarre attacks happening all across
>  the Juuban district, he just shouts "BORING!" and flips through the
>  channels at about five per second. He eventually settles on a badly-
>  dubbed kung fu movie where a Bruce Lee impersonator kicks people in
>  the face a whole bunch of times.

shouts "BORING!" -- shouts, "BORING!"

>    Yes, right now it's a pretty damn good time to be Tsukino Shingo.

Lucky brat.

>    The three of them working together managed to get the heart
>  crystals back to their owners in rather short order; when they came to
>  and asked what happened they were brushed off with an authoritative
>  "FBI business, that's what." Philip came out of the mall before they
>  were done and it was a good thing too, because he told Bill and Donna
>  that they didn't have a hotel room any more and all of their stuff was
>  in the van Donna just wrecked. Fingers were pointed, accusations were
>  raised, names were called.

authoritative "FBI -- authoritative, "FBI

>    Luckily the one suitcase they could salvage before the paramedics
>  arrived (to ask questions about why they were digging through a car
>  wreck) was Bill's; he wore the biggest clothes and the others would
>  look stupid in them but they would fit inside them, and it also
>  contained an M16, 5.56mm ammunition for it and 7.62mm Warsaw Pact ammo
>  for the Mosin-Nagant. Nobody asked how the Hell he got that through
>  airport security because nobody really wanted to know.

I'm not sure I want to know, either. o_o

>    Hotaru was very surprised by how little they seemed to care that
>  she was Sailor Saturn. It wasn't just that they didn't care, but that
>  they couldn't understand why this information would change their
>  situation at all. Nadine came out and didn't recognize her until Bill
>  spelled out that it was Hotaru, and that quote "She's apparently
>  Sailor Saturn."

that quote "She's -- that, quote, "She's

>    Nadine had nodded back toward the shopping mall and said "Well, we
>  just met Uranus and Neptune in there. They were the ones trying to
>  kill her so we sent 'em off to the airport to get them out of our
>  hair."

said "Well, -- said, "Well,

>    And then they were back to yelling at each other about wrecking the
>  car, or leaving their cell phone in the car, or not telling anyone
>  they'd cancelled the hotel room. Hotaru started to smile, but she
>  couldn't really articulate why -- she didn't think she should be
>  smiling -- and suppressed it.

cancelled -- canceled

>    Bill relayed the events of the attack at the hospital, and Phil
>  repeated what Uranus and Neptune said about the daimons bringing the
>  summoning ritual back up to speed and Hotaru being key to this. Donna
>  pointed out how the daimon had charged Hotaru as soon as she said the
>  words "I am Sailor Saturn". Hotaru told them that Pharaoh 90 wasn't
>  defeated, just delayed, and that he could restart his summoning from
>  another location if he had to as most of the work was already done.
>  She forgot to say that there was nothing they could do and she did not
>  say this in the form of a morose sigh.

words "I am Sailor Saturn". -- words, "I am Sailor Saturn."

>    After a bit more conferral -- and after Bill made a phone call he
>  wouldn't tell anyone the content of -- they agreed the best course of
>  action to find where Pharaoh 90 would try to re-establish his
>  summoning site, and how to push him back permanently, would be to
>  return to the Tomoe household. For the second time that week they
>  backed someone else's car into the Tomoes' empty driveway, though this
>  time their vehicle was much, much nicer than the first.

conferral -- conference (? Not sure.)

>    Donna looked defensive and mumbled "The lights could have been
>  burned out..."

mumbled "The -- mumbled, "The

>    Donna pulled her own pistol, a bulky silver .45, and leveled it at
>  the man's head before he could pick up. "Bad day to be on duty, G-
>  Man," Bill helpfully added as he stepped in around her with the G-
>  Man's gun.

Oh, the MIB.  Was wondering what took them so long.

>    Nadine stepped over the G-man, holding her hand over her face, and
>  walked over to the kitchen to get some ice; on the way, she flipped
>  the wall switch and flooded the room with light. Phil squeezed through
>  the doorway past Donna with a muttered "excuse me" and Hotaru followed
>  soon after. Phil immediately broke for the basement and once Hotaru
>  saw what he was doing she went up the stairs to scope out the second
>  floor.

muttered "excuse me" and -- muttered, "excuse me," and

>    Bill and Donna corralled the two agents into the center of the room
>  and set about finding some way to restrain them. Phil came back up
>  from the basement stairs and shook his head. "No good. Place is
>  cleaned out -- even took the Faraday cage off the walls." He leaned
>  into the banister and shouted upwards, "How's the second story look?"

The Faraday cage?  That's....  'kay.  Those are so easy to make, one
wonders why they'd bother.  But then, these are the people who
confiscated everything Tesla owned after his death, so....

>    "All right," said Bill, trying to sound unbelieving, "And if I
>  believed you, where would I find this storehouse?"

unbelieving, "And -- unbelieving, "and -or- unbelieving. "And

>    Bill looked up with suspicious confusion. Nadine chuckled from
>  underneath her ice pack and said "Bill, you haven't noticed by now
>  they don't name streets in Tokyo?"

said "Bill -- said, "Bill

>    The cooperative one blinked. "Why, the FBI, of course."

*snrk*

>    The attack was over, and it looked like the forces of goodness had
>  come out on top. Once the dust had settled (and Haruka had reported
>  her car stolen), the nine of them -- Ami, Minako, Usagi, Chibi-Usa,
>  Rei, Makoto, Haruka, Michiru, and Mamoru -- had all assembled in a
>  room at the Hikawa Shrine to hash out what was going on and what to do
>  next. The 'Inner Senshi' were gathered around the table in the center,
>  while Haruka, Michiru and Mamoru were standing behind them and leaning
>  in to hear what they were saying. Makoto was in a wheelchair with her
>  leg elevated and still visibly disoriented from the painkillers,
>  Chibi-Usa was clutching on to the Luna-P like a life preserver. Minako
>  had a pad of paper and a pen to take notes; more because she needed
>  something to do with her hands than she needed notes to refer back to.

I'm surprised they didn't elect to keep Makoto another day. >_>;

>    "And Sailor Saturn ended up in the custody of people who claim to
>  be, but are not, FBI agents," added Haruka. "If she wound up at the
>  Toudai explosion it's possible they were responsible for it. They
>  might have been at the Mugen site, but now that I think about it there
>  weren't any places for them to be hiding. Maybe we heard what they
>  were saying through the portal." She paused and ran her fingers
>  through her hair, sighed. "In any case, I don't think they're with the
>  Death Busters, but I don't think they're up to any good."

Actually, other than their misinformation (which could have been
intentional), how do they _know_ that the HI crew isn't FBI?  I would
expect that, to them, all extra-japanese agencies would be met with
roughly the same amount of disdain, so why bother making the
distinction?

>    "But," added Rei, "They don't come back right away, they fade in
>  gradually. They didn't just come on when Usa-chan came back. And in
>  those two days, there are no daimon attacks. Then around when our
>  powers come back, twenty daimons attack the city simultaneously."

Rei, "They -- Rei, "they

>    "So you think that whatever was inhibiting our powers was
>  preventing them from attacking as well?" asked Mamoru. "That it might
>  not have been directed at us, but something that stopped magic in
>  general?"

...might it be something that looks like, but is not, a hot-dog rotisserie?

>    "Maybe," Minako shrugged. "Maybe the reason these big horrible
>  threats to humanity always work through layers of underlings is that
>  they're really bad at being actual commanders?"

'shrugged' is not a speech indicator (copy-paste 50-reply long
flamewar thread about 'smiled'), so I'd suggest:

"Maybe," Minako -- "Maybe." Minako

Also, some malaprop.

>    Everyone in the room voiced their agreement, though only Makoto did
>  so with a "hell yeah!"

a "hell - a, "Hell

>    Four second pause, then Setsuna smiled. It was a sad, lonely smile.
>  "That's very kind of you, Small Lady, but I... wait, hold on, there's
>  someone..." Pluto turned away from the screen. "How did you get here?"
>  In the background, a faintly heard hiss. Pluto brought up her key-
>  staff and whispered "dead scream" but before she could fire it off
>  some THING tackled her out of frame, something fast and covered in
>  shiny black scales and a row of serrated teeth. There were sounds of a
>  struggle, grunts and hisses of pain, claws ripping flesh and a staff
>  cracking bone. Chibi-Usa cried out in horror but anything she said
>  would take two seconds to arrive and the reaction would take another
>  two seconds to come back.

O_o

>    One second pause, and Pluto spoke in a low, throaty whisper. "You
>  can tell your mother she can keep her grail and she can keep her
>  friend because I'm going to kill her anyway and I think she'll be so
>  much the sweeter if her panic has a couple days to fester."

Well, that's no good.

>  Second Sight   [0]: After an aggravating fiasco in Spokane, Washington
>  involving a warlock making heavy use of 'glamours', I&R Team Rho was
>  assigned to be trained in the piercing of illusions by a known mystic
>  and psychic. Dr. Neary, however, had to attend her sister's wedding on
>  the weekend the lessons were performed and could not receive the
>  training. A make-up appointment was made, but the psychic died of a
>  cerebral aneurysm before the meeting could occur -- something that
>  Nadine thinks he should have seen coming. Though Nadine has no
>  enhanced ability to pierce illusion, she is immune to the
>  metacognitive effects that surround youma and other creatures and
>  prevent people from recognizing them as a threat or remembering their
>  attacks, this can most likely be directly attributed to a phenomenon
>  known as the "PC Aura".

Wait, she gets the benefit without having to pay for it?  HAX!

Okay, still going strong.  Hope to get to the next chapter soon. :)

-- 
Brian Randall
--
I write fanfiction. Too much of it. You can read it here, thanks to a
kind grant from the Larry F foundation:
http://www.florestica.com/brandall/
--
Together. Allegiance or death. BIGFIRE!
--
Haiku of my lament:

Forgive my spelling,
my U.S. education,
is the source of blame.

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