When I still wanted to be an astronaut

It is large, and for all I know,
solid above me.
It is a black or a blue
that could be confused with black.
There is a lot, but no more
than my eye can take in.
Small points of light scattered 
on the surface do not provide depth
and do not exceed their pinprick
boundaries. They say,
"I'll live with you, but I don't
have to talk to you."
They do not have time to twinkle.
The sky is small 
enough to carry anywhere,
and beautiful enough to want 
to. we carry it on our backs and shoulders.
letting it go to look up makes me feel
like I am going to fall upwards
and find out if my scream
would resonate forever
or be cut off by the sound of my neck
breaking with a snap when I hit the flat fucker
like a period at the end of the last sentence
in a short book.
I doubt I'd penetrate. The sky's not
thin sheet with poked holes 
like a diorama or toy planetarium I had
when I still wanted to be an astronaut.
Nothing thin holds that much light back.
Viewed like this, its more like a wall 
than a ceiling, one that extends 
far enough in each of its four directions 
for us to think it does not end. 
But I know it does.
Nothing flat goes on forever.
With this in mind, I want to break it.
Throw a rock and have it shatter, so I can see
what's behind it, because it is beautiful
and belongs to everyone, and I want to be
the one who ruins it. 
Because I never have time to count
all the stars I see.
My breath-long memory of the sky changes.
Only the brightest star stays fixed
distracting me long enough for the other 
stars to vanish uncounted.
So there is only one I am sure of.
Last night, I counted shooting stars.
One. Two. Three.

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