Lately
I've started
covering my mouth
at weird moments;
in conversations, or
sitting at home
waiting for email
to download.
Maybe I'm terrified
of demons
entering the wound
in my face
where words
come out all day-
Or my hands are just
busy, trying to keep
words in- words
I can't say
to christmas shoppers
or people in line
with a cart full
of beef and cigarettes
when I only want
the newspaper
I said some rude things
to a bank manager
and now I am afraid
of making deposits.
Money was already missing
so he said "call the bank"
even though I was at the bank
I was at my bank
and it's my only bank.
I mumbled about lunch,
and I bet he didn't
hear a word I said
but the guilt lasted
for days, driving
on highways
wondering why
I deserved a sky so pink
in my rear view mirror
when before this
I might have asked
why wasn't I driving
into it- I make these
demands on life.
"Life, make sure
when I am driving
and there's a rainbow
or a sunset, colored
like medium rare steak
and clouds like cathedrals
[a sky like meat cathedrals]
you'd better make sure
it's in front of me
so I don't have to turn around
and look at some god damned
Sports Utility Vehicle.
The weirdest part is
life seemed to listen
pretty much always,
but if it had anything to say
it's been holding its hand
over its mouth
(and over its wounds)
until it told the bank
that I couldn't have lunch,
breaking this deal
where I endure
these constant
small annoyances
in exchange
for never feeling
like I owe life
a god damned thing
but life opened
its mouth
to complain
and I am stuck here
with no lunch,
unsympathetic luck,
and an annoyed
bank manager
even though the sun sets
on some perfect clouds
and there's this
newspaper article
about a judge
who hands down
his decisions
in really bad
poetry
-e.
