1. Oh beautiful hack job of zero's and ones hiding in deep spaces and hidden pockets you run your mayhem and I'm fighting you, fighting you; but the code keeps evolving every virus wants to stay alive.

It would be obvious to say it stays alive
by replication, but W32.blaster.worm
is a new kind of disease. I've fought
these things before- you find them
duplicating until you have nothing left,
a slow obsession kind of infection;
where the whole memory becomes
overwhelmed with noise, and all data
gets lost in the miasma of corruption.

W32.blaster.worm, you are more
like me. You put a piece of your illness
into multiple folders; you hide behind
the other spaces, and you change,
like passive aggression and pent up
hostilities coming through in acts
of alleged kindness.

You're not kind.
You're a virus.

Notepad is supposed to open,
but notepad is not opening. Task
Manager is supposed to open,
and task manager is not opening.
I crushed you before by going back
with windows xp system restore
you took memories of our own
pristine computation, and you
infected the past as well;
W32.Blaster.Worm, you are
a time traveler, crashing the system.
I'm supposed to be composing
a list of resentments and regrets.

2.
Let's look again at how you work.
It all starts with an RPC overload.
Someone outside wants to get in;
and we know they want to do
bad things; so we shut down.

When we come up again, we say,
"The threat has been avoided,
everything is fine, no one wants
to get inside of us anymore." But,
something has already come in,
in our shutting down, and it's waiting.

The actions we're supposed to take
amount to little else from then on
but a way to perpetuate it; when
we go about the daily routine-
the email; the talking with friends;
the writing of poems, diary entries,
there is something behind it all,
working, eating, stealing, corrupting.

I try everything I am supposed to do
to track you down, to get at the root
of the problem, but you're not the only
corrupted engine with me up to now.

The dog is biting random feet
put down to gas chambers,
the girl has disappeared
into thin air, the car takes on speed
like fish would climb a waterfall;
the music into static and crackles;
the cats are in the kitchen, Mars,
as close as it has been in 60,000 years
the virus that comes from nowhere
is upon the digital landscape,
interrupting the list of regrets
and resentments:

The Remote Procedure Call service
terminated, unexpectedly.

3.
It was only him. In every list I have been
constructing in my head; it's just him, in the dream
he was there, when the car broke down.

4.
The RPC crashes because it senses something
trying to break through. It crashes because
staying open to such a breach could be far more
devastating than a mere breakdown and restart.

Once inside, a virus could take full control
over the administration of the machine;
gets beneath the skin and it can stay there.

But the virus gets through. That's the glitch,
the chink in the armor. The virus gets through
keeps shutting down, pretending to protect us.
It shuts down to protect itself from infection
from a disease it already has.

And are you ready, lovers of metaphor?

You can't even begin to find the viral executable
until you turn all the protections off.

And no one has any idea how.

5.
I found out how.

First there is self awareness: the task manager;
the list of all running processes, where you look
at every computation to shut them down
when they start to look suspicious.

But the virus keeps it closed. You get glimpses.
Shutdown after 5 seconds of insight.

So I renamed it, and opened up a copy.
This is sort of like religion, or case histories.
You find the dangerous process and then
you shut it down.

You'll have doubts about what's safe
to shut down; you won't know what's essential
but just start to shut them all down:
Windows will not terminate critical applications.


6. Then you have to open it all up. The computer has a dream life, a well of data, lying dormant waiting to be orchestrated by the system administrator into some elaborate narrative. But really, its all just sleeping in sectors. But it is there. And there can be a great number of gorgeous data there. The files that we thought we'd lost; the pictures of people I never see, the short moments of inspiration jotted in notepad at 5AM closed and gone before I wake up and forget I even wrote them.

But there's the darkness, too;
a sickness of cyclical processing
eating away, corrupting anything
it touches.

7.
You find it and you are happy.
It's hidden. You search through
rooms and rooms, data piled
to the sky, programs and exe's
and memories, music you forgot
and there it is, cleverly disguised.

You press delete, but it stays.

Other applications depend
on this program. Shut down
those applications before
deleting this file.

The system spawns
other systems: a virus.
It reproduces,
makes you dependent;
and the whole structure
of you and me, built up
on a diseased thought
that managed to replicate
until it ate the foundation
and seeped into it,
erasing the memories
with the exception
of random access;
pretty soon the system
sees that it only knows
how to operate with
the virus, and not
without it.

8.
W32.Blaster.Worm;
I am excited.

I got you, anyway.

I tracked you down,
and I found you;

and I found every file
you touched;

and you have been
wiped clean.

You don't know
what this means to me,
W32.Blaster.Worm.

It's something on par
with knowing I can be in love
again.





-e.























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