If even one person
can open their door
in all of New England,
they use the special keys
and get the plow
and start plowing out everyone.
First their neighbor,
and then the two of them
plow out two more people.
When they have ten people
they plow out the fire department.

There is also a special channel
under many major roads in New England
that just heats up the road
until the snow turns into unappealing grey slush.
Like, under the Mass Pike.
And everyone has these things
kind of like flashlights
that you can use to melt and/or compress snow
just like, from your window.
The smallest child can operate one.

Also the real function of snowmen
is that people in New England
keep broadswords in them
in case the south ever tries to rise again.


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