found this on the web at illegal-art.org (Art. 4 is great)!
Georg
**
ELECTRONIC END USER LICENSE AGREEMENT FOR VIEWING ILLEGAL ART EXHIBIT
WEBSITE AND FOR USE OF LUMBER AND/OR PET OWNERSHIP
NOTICE TO USER: BY METABOLIZING YOU ACCEPT ALL THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF
THIS AGREEMENT INCLUDING, BUT NOT LIMITED TO, USE OF YOUR HOME AND CAR BY
THE AUTHORS OF THIS AGREEMENT.
This Website End User License Agreement accompanies the Web Pages and
related explanatory materials ("Crap"). The term "Crap" also shall include
any upgrades, modified versions, or repaintings of the Website licensed to
you by either The Prince of Wales, a sentient washing machine, or my old
Rabbi (the one who used profanity). Please read this Agreement carefully. At
the end, you will be asked to accept this agreement and provide this Website
with a warm, lingering, creepy hug. If you do not wish to accept this
Agreement, simply click the "I do not accept" button while forcefully
shoving your computer off the back of your desk ("Card Table").
Upon your acceptance of this Agreement, this Website grants to you a
nonexclusive license to use this Website or your own Shoes ("The Dressy
Ones"), provided that you agree to the following:
1. Use of the Website.
1.1 You may use this Website on a hard disk or other storage device. On a
scrap of drywall with a Sharpie, install and use the Website on a file
server or a tomato server for use on a network or a VHS copy of the motion
picture "Network" or for the purposes of (i) permanent installation onto the
small of your back at the base of your spine via a tattoo or other storage
devices or (ii) for providing the illusion of working while at work (using
the following methods of deception: looking intently at the screen, moving
the mouse, and typing decisively on the keyboard); and make backup copies of
the Website for later printing and spreading out in an alley to make a nice
bed.
1.2 You may make and distribute unlimited copies of the Website, including
copies for commercial distribution, as long as each copy that you make and
distribute contains this Agreement and is created in one of the following
media: carved out of ice, as in an ice sculpture centerpiece; smeared in
mustard on the side of a white or off-white panel van; or taught to a parrot
who is then condemned to fly the earth for eternity, incessantly repeating
the mantra of this Website.
2. Copyright and Trademark Rights. The Website is owned by its authors ("the
Elks Clubs of America") and its suppliers. Its structure, organization, and
code are the valuable trade secrets of the Freemasons, probably. The Website
is also protected by United States Copyright Law and a group of big, scary
goons who will happily beat you until you're ejecting teeth like a winning
slot machine. Use of any trademark does not give you any rights of ownership
in that trademark, jackass. Except as stated above, this Agreement does not
grant you any intellectual property rights in the Website. Got it, fucko?
3. Restrictions. You agree not to modify, adapt, translate, reverse
engineer, decompile, disassemble or otherwise attempt to discover the inner
motivations, dreams, aspirations, or weird, possibly sexual fantasies of the
Website.
4. No Warranty. The Website is being delivered to you AS IS and we make no
warranty as to its use or performance. WE DO NOT AND CANNOT WARRANT THE
PERFORMANCE OR RESULTS YOU MAY OBTAIN BY USING THE WEBSITE. LOOK, WHEN THIS
WEBSITE GOES ALL CRAZY AND DESTROYS YOUR COMPUTER, KILLS YOUR PET, SLEEPS
WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER, DIGS UP ALL YOUR OLD POETRY AND LAUGHS AND
LAUGHS, THEN CALLS UP YOUR FRIENDS AND READS THEM ALL THOSE REALLY
EMBARRASING PARTS OUT OF YOUR JOURNAL, LIKE WHEN YOU SAID YOU WERE "DESTINED
FOR BEAUTY" OR SOME SHIT LIKE THAT, WE MAKE NO GUARANTEES AND WILL SIMPLY
JOIN WITH EVERYONE AND LAUGH AT YOUR SORRY ASS, BECAUSE DAMN, THERE'S NO
FREAKING WARRANTY HERE. GET IT? NO WARRANTY. NONE. AT ALL.
6. Notice to Government End Users. The Software and Documentation are "Real
Bitchin'," as that term is defined at 48 C.F.R. §2.101, consisting of "Real
Bitchin' (formerly 'Radical' items)" and as such terms are used in 48 C.F.R.
§12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §227.7202, as applicable. Or maybe 56 C.Fsomething
something. 7. Oh, and these things, too: §§§§. Consistent with 48 C.F.R.
§12.212 or 48 C.F.R. §§227.7202-1 through 227.7202-4, as applicable, as well
as §R2-D2 and §JOHNNY 5, locked in a beautiful metallic embrace of
everlasting robot love.
PLEASE INDICATE YOUR ACCEPTANCE OR DECLINE OF THE FOREGOING AGREEMENT BY
CLICKING ON THE APPROPRIATE BUTTON BELOW.
I Agree | I do not agree
by Jason Torchinsky
* * *
