"Man Bites Dog" 42-page book made of fur, teeth, skin and bones

Kathy Forer, Roger Stevens, Michael Leigh, Alan fffo, badgergirl, Carol

story so far: 14 wolverines and one lap dog chase a badger. But the
badger is too fast and burrows beneath a paintbrush stuck in a stone.
In the burrow are mushrooms and grain. The badger makes a badger
ambrosia of the grain and mushrooms and is soon asleep.

The badger is dreaming that it was just a dream, there are no
wolverines or lap dog because the badger was really awakened by the
artist removing the paintbrush from the stone to begin painting for the
morning. little does the artist realize that the badger is in the
burrow. once the badger is reassured as to its safety breakfast is
under way in the burrow; ambrosia of grain and mushrooms with the added
delight of mini marshmallows! the day is going well, but what was that
strange sound????? Thunder and a police siren mix with snoring and the
badger jumps from his spot thinking the stone has imploded. When he
hears the rain on the stone above, he realizes the electricity is still
working, washes his face and soon falls back deep asleep.

Hours later, the badger is awakened by the noise of wood against stone.
It is night and the lap dog is yapping. The wolverines have surrounded
the stone and are chanting an incantation. The badger doesn't breathe,
not a whisker moves. The suspense is acrostic. After a paws of several
minutes the badger quickly whips out his magic asbestos underpants and
puts them on. He flings open the serving hatch and grabs the vial of
sacred weasel water and makes a dot for the burrow entrance and
confronts the seething mass of writhing wolverines squirming around the
stone which is now glowing with a strange phosphorescent throb!


It was a dense night. Stumble patterns and brave yapping set apart the
party of owl elves and gnome mimics as they writhed and chased and
spurned the undergrowth around the latest beige badger silting. In the
brave distance behove the strange and incandescent foreshadows of
wolverines and greenish melon lights upon the substantial forest fare.

Young Zonograph, the tallest owl elf snuffed his warps harp and
muttered - I can hear a badger. The badger is in trouble. I scents
wolverines. Hurry there is no stone unready ton roll upturned in this
lackadaisical pre-momentary of the word fandango.

Meanwhile, or to be more precisereiouseless, high on hill stood a
lonely man with a goathead, his fixedinterestrate stare
directeddyboyhoodlesservilely at the burning black belching smokestacks
of the town beyong the wolverine woods. The sound of a suddenly
snuffeforadicalcified warps harp, brought memories back for Ludwig Hat,
erstwhile butler and badger baiterribleedinglendervish of Vincent and
Cara Van Hire.

Ludwig stood immobile, imshelle and intexacoe, for Ludwig had been
brained by falling groceries, dropped from almost a mile overhead and
one mile and eight inches over shoulder, a result of the splitting of a
cheap carrier pigeon on it's way home. Forcing his gaze downward Ludwig
was horrified, not only had his part of the story not managed to settle
on a definite form, not only did it lack content but now to his disgust
he found that he had been rendereducededicateddyboyfriended by a
tangerine!!! He couldn't even get that right.

Ludwig crossed his eyes and dotted his teeth, relaxed and floated up,
through the roof of his own mouth.

Nincent and Cara, however, were seriously considering calling Sister
Meg and entering into the fray. Sister Meg O'Lomania was after all
acrostic champion frigidaire and good at getting badgers out of trees
and wolverines out of toasters. Lap dogs she had no time for as their
batteries always seemed to run out in the middle of a sent bottle of
enormous palcritude.

His eyes dilated and shuffled in the moonlight, his breathe came in
short pants and his trousers rolled up like venetain blinds caught in a
mighty wurlitzer.

Mrs. Shufflefang caught sight of herself ina nearby polished knob of a
milkmans portable pelmet crusher and she winced inwardly, tossing back
a mane of flaxen hair that was tied in a bun and covered in currants.
The badgers, for now there were five, all grabbed the reins of the
milkman's horse and whipped it into a gallop and then into a small tea
shop where it scattered several old ladies and a troupe of dwarves on
an outing.

Suddenly, Pequot Marmaduck threw a crumpet at Sister Meg. It caught her
with a ping in the frigidaire and she fainted straight away, smashing
the paw of the lap dog who was dreaming of heaven sent chumlaka. Cara
sprinkled Sister Meg and the lap dog each with half a gram of lemon
juice. Meg cried out "get me a toasted pineapple!" and the dog sniffed
the crumpet.

Ludwig had fallen onto the milk cart and the badgers were busy cleaning
the splashes from each other when seven wolverines walked by and
whistled. The badgers had been mistaken for minks! Finally, they could
answer Young Zonograph's call and they set out toward the southern
phosphorescence, towing Mrs. Shufflegang who had the fixedinterestrate
card for gas and carrots for the hybrid horse and roasted beast for


"What's all this, then!" Uncle Walt awoke with a tart.  Carefully
smearing the remains of his last bottle of bright orange nail varnish
into his hair, he feebly crawled out of the hole. Lulu, meanwhile,
disappeared into a cravat.

"There's badgers in there, I tells ya.  I don't want to go to the steak
house no more!"  Several of the badgers loitering around the enormous
bonfire giggled loudly.  A wolverne chuckled quietly to himself.

Later that same day, 3,000 red-headed women converged on the small
appliance department at Macy's.  There was a sale, you see.  Yousee
left the apartment in a shambles.  Tucking it under her badger, she
moved the entire affair slightly to the south of Turkey.  "What's all
this then?!" shouted Blarney the turkey buzzard.  "This doesn't look
like a chestnut to me, it looks more like a shrunken
head from the Ooompungokoonoo Indians of Skull

 "Its the one I've been looking for " screamed the
turkey buzzard as if pole-axed,"for nearly 300 years
our family have searched the seven seas and thirteen
ponds of Umpklah to find the sacred shrunken head of
Saatchi the Flame God- I can't belive you had it under
your badger all this time!"

 "Neither did I" said Blarney with a withering smile.
As they sat contemplating this new find a strange and
eerie noise assailed their ears, Blarney decided to look within his badger
for Turkey basting apparatus. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Blarney, the
Ooompungokoonoo Indians of Skull Island were busy making plans of their own.
Lulu crawled out of the cravat and prepared breakfast for Uncle Walt. All of
this activity occuring elsewhere soon caused poor Blarney to tire. He
decided to take a nap...

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