hi melissa,
this came to my inbox today and i thought of you.
bests, carol
xx
When Goodbye Is a Gift
For those left behind, the last words of loved ones can offer
comfort, insight into death, and
lessons about living.
By Joan Halifax Roshi
With his life ebbing, two miles beneath the earth's surface, Martin
Toler, Jr. took what precious little energy he had to
scribble a note to his loved ones. Toler, who
died in the Sago Mine incident last week, turned his finals
thoughts to those closest to him: "Tell
all - I [will] see them on the other side..." "It wasn't bad,
I just went to sleep." And at the
bottom: "I love you." In reaching out to his family through
the darkness, Mr. Toler also touched
many of us.
I have often sat by the bedside of dying people with their
relatives close, waiting for those "last
words." The threshold between life and death imparts
poignancy to the utterances of the dying.
Some believe the veil between this world and the next is
thinnest at this time, that we can
somehow penetrate the mystery of death through their
experience. Perhaps those closest to
death can tell us what we long to know: What is this mystery
we call death? And, knowing that
death is inevitable, what do they treasure most? Mr. Toler
answers with words of reassurance
and compassion: His dying was as gentle as falling to sleep,
and, he told his loved ones, his
connection to them will transcend this world. His note is a
gift to all of us. His simple message
seems to honor the best in our human connectedness,
suggesting that it is the relationships in our
lives that are most precious and holy.
Last words can also raise profound questions for the living,
and propel us on a search for our own
answers. The writer Elizabeth Barrett Browning uttered the
word: "Beautiful," as she was dying.
We ask ourselves, Can death be beautiful? Charles Darwin
exclaimed, "I am not the least afraid
to die," and we wonder, Am I afraid to die? The last words
Thomas Edison uttered were, "It is
very beautiful over there." Where is this 'over there'? Will
I get there? Who will be there?
The last words of Jesus, from Luke 23:46, were "Father, into
thy hands I commend my spirit."
To what will I commend my spirit?
All of these last words are teachings--not only about death,
but about how we live. Ultimately
they help us understand the truth of impermanence, the
fragility of all that we love, and can be a
wondrous admonition to appreciate the life before us right
now. Some believe we will meet each
other on the "other side." Yet in this hope, we may ask
ourselves: Can we meet each other now?
Gautama Buddha said, "the whole of the holy life is good
friends." He too seemed to believe that
relationships are what give depth and meaning to our lives.
"I love you," said Mr. Toler. "Beautiful," said Elizabeth
Barrett Browning. We cannot know death
except by dying: This mystery lies underneath the skin of
life. But we can learn something from
those who are closest to death's door.
