So ...
In a fit of frustration, I downloaded the install ISO for Debian 9, and
built a new VM. Nothing fancy - just a minimal install, then used apt to
add the extra packages. Took about 20 minutes.
IT WORKED!
Now, I can't blame Ubuntu, because it's probably the world's most
popular distro and if there was any serious problem then people would
have noticed. It's obviously something I'm not doing right, like a step
I've missed.
But in terms of a Linux distro that makes sense *to me* ... Debian is
looking pretty hot right now. :)
Thanks very much for everyone's input, and for all your sanity checks.
It was really helpful!
All the best,
Kris.
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