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F R E N D Z of martian
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> Evolution Of A Linux User
> November 28, 1999
>
> During the past year, the scientists in Humorix's Vast Research Lab Of
> Doom have studied the behavior and attitude of the typical Windows and
> Linux user. They have found that the average Linux user goes through ten
> stages of development from a "Microserf" to an "Enlightened Linux User".
>
> An eleventh stage, "Getting A Life", has also been observed, but only on
> extremely rare occasions.
>
> The 11 stages of evolution are summarized below. Note, however, that
> this
> life cycle is not universal. Many pundits, Microsoft stock holders, and
> PHBs never advance beyond Stage 0 ("Microserf"). Moreover, many extreme
> Slashdot addicts are stuck between Stages 6 and 7 ("Linux Zealot") and
> never evolve to Stage 9 ("Enlightened Linux User"). And, unfortunately,
> far too many people are unable to leave Stage 8 ("Back to Reality") and
> achieve Geek Self-Actualization due to problems outside of their
> control.
>
> STAGE 0. MICROSERF
>
> You are the number one member of the Bill Gates fan club. Your life
> revolves around x86 computers running the latest version of Microsoft
> solutions: Windows, Office, Internet Explorer, Visual Basic, and even
> Bob.
> You have nothing but hate for those eccentric Mac weenies with their
> click-n-drool interfaces and those stone-age Unix oldtimers with their
> archaic command lines.
>
> You frequently send angry letters to your elected representative about
> Microsoft's "freedom to innovative". You think lawyers are evil (unless
> they are defending innovative companies like Microsoft). You own an
> autographed copy of a book that was ghostwritten by Bill Gates. Your
> blood boils when somebody forwards you a so-called Microsoft "joke" by
> email.
>
> In short, you are a Microserf.
>
> STAGE 1. FEAR, UNCERTAINTY, DOUBT... ABOUT MICROSOFT
>
> Your world-view begins to sour as you encounter a growing number of
> annoyances with Microsoft products. The number of Blue Screens
> increases, however you ascribe the problem (at first) to conflicts with
> poorly written drivers that came with your peripherals. Icons keep
> jumping around the desktop unpredicatably. You spend 30 minutes
> one day idly searching for an obscure configuration option in the
> Control Panel.
>
> Slowly but surely, you begin to have doubts about the quality of
> Microsoft software. Then, the Microsoft Network, to which you
> have dutifully subscribed since 1995, begins to double bill your credit
> card. You attempt to rectify the problem, but are stymied by the
> burgeoning bureaucracy of Microsoft's Customer Support Department.
> Fear sets in... will you get your money back?
>
> Meanwhile, something called "Linux" appears on the fringe of your radar.
> You immediately dismiss the idea of a viable and quality Microsoft
> alternative (Linux is Unix-based and therefore must suck, you conclude).
> Nevertheless, you wish something could be done for some of the
> annoyances in Windows. But you do nothing about it.
>
> STAGE 2. FEAR, UNCERTAINTY, DOUBT... ABOUT LINUX
>
>
> You keep hearing about this Linux thing, and Open Source, and Apache,
> and FreeBSD as well. One of your friends installs Linux and says, "It's
> cool, dude!" You discover that the selection of Windows books at your
local
> bookstore has remained constant while the Linux and Unix books are
> multiplying like rabbits. You argue, "Well, this just means Linux sucks...
> if there was such a large demand for it, there wouldn't be many books on
> shelves."
>
> Nevertheless, as time wears on and Windows becomes more fragile, the
> temptation to give Linux a try becomes more and more irresistable. While
> at your local SuperMegaOfficeSupplyStore, you pick up a boxed version of
> Red Hat on impulse.
>
> With much hubris, you completely ignore the documentation and attempt to
> install the OS by the seat of your pants. The installation is a failure;
> Linux simply cannot work with the WinModem, WinSoundCard,
> WinIDEController, WinPrinter, WinMonitor, and WinDRAM that came with
> your "Windows 98 Ready" machine from CompUSSR. You don't realize this
> however, since you didn't read the FAQs and HOWTOs. You immediately
> blame the problems on Linux and give up. You ditch your Red Hat copy by
> selling it on eBay.
>
> After the installation fiasco, you leave fearful, uncertain, and doubtful
> about this "alternative" operating system. Windows may have its problems,
> but Microsoft will fix them in the next upgrade, you reckon.
>
> STAGE 3. BORN-AGAIN MICROSERF
>
> "Linux sucks" is your new attitude towards life. Windows, all things
> considered, ain't so bad. You resolve to become a better Microsoft
> customer by participating in the Microsoft Developer Network and the Site
> Builder Network. You buy a bunch of "study guides" to pass the MCSE
> examination.
>
> You launch a Windows advocacy site on some dinky free webpage provider,
>
> utilizing the latest innovations in VBScript, ActiveX, and other
> IE-specific features. Instead of lurking, you now actively participate
> in Linux and Macintosh bashing on various Usenet groups. Upon
> discovering Slashdot for the first time, you assume the role of the
Bastard
> Anonymous Coward From Hell by posting countless flamebait posts about
> how cool Microsoft is and how much "Linsux" (as you call it) is a crappy
OS.
>
> You proudly wear an "All Hail Chairman Bill" T-shirt and display numerous
> pro-Microsoft bumper stickers ("Honk if you hate anti-trust laws") on your
> car. You never leave home without your Windows CE-based palmtop
> computer. You make a pilgrimage to Redmond to marvel at the glory that
> is the Microsoft Campus.
>
> STAGE 4. DISGRUNTLED USER
>
> Your Microserf ways come to an abrupt end when everything goes wrong.
> You lose a vital work-related document to a Windows crash. You lose your
> job as an indirect result. You find that applying for jobs is
difficult...
> everyone wants your resume in the latest version of Word, but you have
> an older version that has an incompatible file format.
>
> You waste more and more time tinkering with Windows and other Microsoft
> programs to keep them in working order. You encounter serious problems
> with Windows, but your calls to technical support only yield the dreaded
> response, "re-install the OS".
>
>
> After much grief you finally land another job at a software company, only
> to find out a month later that Microsoft has announced a competing product
> to be "integrated" with the next version of Windows. You soon lose your
> job.
>
> You can't take it much longer. You are now an official Disgruntled User,
> and are ready for a way to escape from the depths of Microsoft Hell. You
> are ready for anything at all... even a primitive, archaic,
> hard-to-install, grief-laden alternative like Linux.
>
> STAGE 5. A RELIGIOUS EXPERIENCE
>
> You resolve to install Linux now, for real. Your friends say "It's about
> time", and tell you to RTFM this time. After losing yourself in the
> documentation for several days, you figure out why your previous encounter
> with Linux was a disaster: you need real hardware, not WinCrap.
>
> With a new computer at your desk, and a Red Hat CD-ROM in hand, you
> embark on a voyage of discovery to the land of Linux. Your life is
changed
> forever; words cannot describe the rush you feel when you first log in as
> "root" after the successful installation. You stare blankly at the screen
> in awe; you are unable to utter a word, unable to think of anything else
> except "HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO DAMN COOL!!!!"
>
> You spend hours, and then days, exploring the depths of the Linux system:
> a filesystem layout that actually makes sense (no "My Documents" crap),
> a command line so powerful it makes MS-DOS look like the Stone Age
> technology that it is... and best of all, no Blue Screen!
>
> "Why have I wasted my life with Microsoft? I'm never going back!" you
> exclaim wildly. You have thrown off the yoke of Redmond Oppression.
>
> STAGE 6. LINUX CONVERT
>
> You still keep a copy of Windows around, but you find yourself booting
> into Linux more and more. The meager amount of diskspace you set aside
> for your first Linux install dwindles; you decide to buy a second hard
> drive exclusively for Linux.
>
> You re-install everything, including the kitchen sink (Emacs). Once you
> finally get PPP working (it was a nasty challenge, but you're so enamored
> with Linux that you hardly notice), you go on a Freshmeat Binge:
> downloading and installing every piece of Free Software you come across.
>
> STAGE 7. LINUX ZEALOT
>
> Your enthusiasm for Linux is unbounded. You do anything and everything
> to advocate Linux and spite your old master, Microsoft. Usenet, Slashdot,
> and LinuxToday are your hangouts. You have a strong opinion about the
> GNU GPL and you're not afraid to share it.
>
> Linux World Domination is your new life's ambition; you put career,
> wealth, and dating on the back burner. You participate in flamefests
> against those braindead Windows lusers (stuck in Stage 3) that inhabit
> Usenet and ZDNet. You purchase all kinds of tacky made-in-Taiwan Linux
> merchandise (T-shirt, mouse pads, stuffed penguins, etc.) to show your
> support.
>
> You rearrange books in a bookstore so that the Linux tomes are displayed
> more prominently. You get in trouble with your boss because you spend
> all your time surfing Slashdot at work. You petition your local
> government to migrate their computer systems to free software. You move
> to another residence just so you can say you live on Apache Street.
>
>
> Instead of a novel, you read the Linux kernel source for pleasure. You
> establish your own regional Linux User Group in the hope that you can
> invite a guest speaker in the future and get their autograph. You learn
> Perl with the goal of automating common tasks, but you spend more time
> tinkering with "just one more perl script" than actually getting stuff
> done.
>
> STAGE 8. BACK TO REALITY
>
> Your zealotry subsides as you are forced to re-enter the Real World. Your
> boss demands that you submit documents in the latest Word format, nothing
> else will do. Some of your favorite websites become harder to use because
> they keep incorporating features enhanced for Windows and IE. The new
> peripherals you bought from BigEvilProprietaryCo don't work with Linux
> and probably never will.
>
> Your ISP is acquired by another company, a very Microsoft-friendly
> company, to be exact. They "upgrade" the system; however, the only change
> you can notice is that Linux and PPP no longer work without extensive
> hacking. Then, citing "customer-driven demand", your ISP makes more
> "enhancements", and Linux no longer works at all. Calling their tech
> support is an exercise in futility, they simply say, "Linux? What is
> that? Whatever it is we don't support it, and never will. Go use Windows
> like everybody else."
>
> Reality sets in: you are forced to use Windows more and more. Your blood
> pressure rises, you have more headaches, you waste hours and hours due
> to Windows "issues", but you have no choice.
>
> STAGE 9. ENLIGHTENED LINUX USER
>
> Then you have an inspiration: you do have a choice, you can hack your own
> drivers for your hardware, you can find another ISP, you can get another
> job. Everything comes into focus, you have become a Linux Guru.
>
> You kludge together drivers for your "Windows-compatible" hardware. You
> finally (after much searching) locate a local ISP that's actually run by
> competent geeks, not MCSEs and PHBs. You find a new, better job at a
> Linux-friendly company.
>
> In your spare time, you work on various Open Source projects. You build
> up a reputation and receive "The Letter" to participate in the IPO of a
> Linux business. You join the bandwagon and create your own Linux portal
> website.
>
> You're at the pinnacle of evolution for a Linux user. With much joy, you
> become 100% Microsoft free. You ditch your Windows partition and burn
> all of the Windows disks and manuals that you own.
>
> STAGE 10. GET A LIFE
>
> You become bored with Linux, and computers in general. You're still a
> hardcore geek, of course, but you wonder if there isn't something better
> you could be doing. You've been told to "get a life" countless times
> during your existence on Earth, but now you wonder if maybe you should
> have heeded that advice.
>
> Unexpectedly, a media conglomerate (i.e. Andover, Ziff-Davis,
> Internet.com, etc.) offers to buy your Linux portal website and domain
> name for an obscene price that contains a significant number of digits.
> Without hesistation you accept; this windfall, combined with your
> earnings from Linux stocks, is enough to retire on.
>
> And that's exactly what you do. You move off to a small tropical
> island,
>
> and get a life.
>
> ---
>
> James S. Baughn
>
>
> http://i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
> -
> Humorix: Linux and Open Source(nontm) on a lighter note
> Archive: http://humbolt.nl.linux.org/lists/
> Web site: http://www.i-want-a-website.com/about-linux/
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