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F R E N D Z of martian
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I don't know enough english to know if this is funny or not, but I know
there are some peeps on the list who do...
At a guess I'd say it isn't, so only read it if you're bored or you want to
technically dissect it... :-?
But if you, dear recipient, are able to find it funny, then you are probably
capable enough to articulate the reasons why. I hope you'll enlighten us all
with the reasons if you find them :-)
martian
----- Original Message -----
From: "J.C.'s Jokes" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>;
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Sunday, July 02, 2000 8:33 PM
Subject: FW: The Pluperfect Virus
> A new computer virus is spreading throughout the Internet, and it is
> far
> more insidious than last week's Chernobyl menace. Named
> Strunkenwhite
> after the authors of a classic guide to good writing, it returns e-mail
> messages that have grammatical or spelling errors. It is deadly
> accurate
> in its detection abilities, unlike the dubious spell checkers That
> come
> with word processing programs.
>
> The virus is causing something akin to panic throughout corporate
> America,
> which has become used to the typos, misspellings, missing words
> and
> mangled syntax so acceptable in cyberspace. The CEO of
> LoseItAll.com, an
> Internet startup, said the virus has rendered him helpless. "Each
> time I
> tried to send one particular e-mail this morning, I got back this error
> message 'Your dependent clause preceding your independent
> clause must be
> set off by commas, but one must not precede the conjunction.' I
> threw my
> laptop across the room."
>
> A top executive at a telecommunications and long-distance
> company,
> 10-10-10-10-10-10-123, said "This morning, the same damned e-
> mail kept
> coming back to me with a pesky notation claiming I needed to use
> a
> pronoun's possessive case before a gerund. With the number of e-
> mails I
> crank out each day, who has time for proper grammar? Whoever
> created this
> virus should have their programming fingers broken."
>
> A broker at Begg, Barow and Steel said he couldn't return to the
> "bad,
> old" days when he had to send paper memos in proper English. He
> speculated
> that the hacker who created Strunkenwhite was a "disgruntled
> English major
> who couldn't make it on a trading floor. When you're buying and
> selling on
> margin, I don't think it's anybody's business if I write that 'i
> meetinged
> through the morning, then cinched the deal on the cel phone while
> bareling
> down the xway.' "
>
> If Strunkenwhite makes e-mailing impossible, it could mean the
> end to a
> communication revolution once hailed as a significant timesaver. A
> study
> of 1,254 office workers in Leonia, N.J., found that e-mail increased
> employees' productivity by 1.8 hours a day because they took less
> time to
> formulate their thoughts. (The same study also found that they lost
> 2.2
> hours of productivity because they were e-mailing so many jokes to
> their
> spouses, parents and stockbrokers.)
>
> Strunkenwhite is particularly difficult to detect because it doesn't
> come
> as an e-mail attachment (which requires the recipient to open it
> before it
> becomes active). Instead, it is disguised within the text of an e-mail
> entitled "Congratulations on your pay raise." The message asks the
> recipient to "click here to find out about how your raise effects your
> pension." The use of "effects" rather than the grammatically correct
> "affects" appears to be an inside joke from Strunkenwhite's
> mischievous
> creator.
>
> The virus also has left government e-mail systems in disarray.
> Officials
> at the Office of Management and Budget can no longer transmit
> electronic
> versions of federal regulations because their highly technical
> language
> seems to run afoul of Strunkenwhite's dictum that "vigorous writing
> is
> concise." The White House speechwriting office reported that it had
> received the same message, along with a caution to avoid phrases such as
> "the truth is. . ." and "in fact. . . ."
>
> Home computer users also are reporting snafus, although an e-mailer who
> used the word "snafu" said she had come to regret it.
>
> The virus can have an even more devastating impact if it infects an entire
> network. A cable news operation was forced to shut down its computer
> system for several hours when it discovered that Strunkenwhite had somehow
> infiltrated its TelePrompTer software, delaying newscasts and leaving news
> anchors nearly tongue-tied as they wrestled with proper sentence
> structure.
>
> There is concern among law enforcement officials that Strunkenwhite is a
> harbinger of the increasingly sophisticated methods hackers are using to
> exploit the vulnerability of business's reliance on computers. "This is
> one of the most complex and invasive examples of computer code we have
> ever encountered. We just can't imagine what kind of devious mind would
> want to tamper with e-mails to create this burden on communications," said
> an FBI agent who insisted on speaking via the telephone out of concern
> that trying to e-mail his comments could leave him tied up for
> hours.
>
> Meanwhile, bookstores and online booksellers reported a surge in
> orders
> for Strunk & White's "The Elements of Style."
>
> -=-Bob Hirschfeld-=-
>
>
>
>
>
> --
> Every time I see an adult on a bicycle,
> I no longer despair for the future of the human race.
> --H.G. Wells
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