I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere
near the place.
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full
house and four people died.
What's another word for - thesaurus - ?
When I get real bored, I like to drive down town and get a great
parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if
I'm leaving.
When I was a kid, we had a quicksand box in the backyard. I was an
only child.....eventually.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I put them
in the same room and let them fight it out.
I replaced the headlights on my car with strobe lights. Now it looks
like I'm the only one moving.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything
specific.
My neighbor has a circular driveway. He can't get out.
I bought some powered water, but I didn't know what to add.
I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now, but
leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.
I went to a restaurant that serves breakfast at any time. So I
ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.
A friend of mine is into Voodoo Acupuncture. You don't have to go.
You'll just be walking down the street and...oohh, that's much
better.
I have a hobby. I have the worlds largest collection of sea shells.
I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen
some of it.
Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
It doesn't matter what temperature the room is; it's always room-
temperature.
If your not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate.
You can't have everything...where would you put it?
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time. I think
I've forgotten this before.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the
guy was locking the front door. I said "Hey, the sign says you're
open 24 hours." He said "Yes, but not in a row."
I installed a skylight in my apartment. The people who live above me
are furious.
One time a cop pulled me over for running a stop sign. He
said, "Didn't you see the stop sign?" I said "Yeah, but I don't
believe everything I read."
The judge asked, "What do you plead?" I said "Insanity, your honor.
Who in their right mind would park in the passing lane?"
Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone. When I came back the
entire area was missing.
I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.
I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day because that
means it's going to be up all night.
I was born by Caesarian section...but not so you'd notice. It's just
that when I leave the house, I go out through the window.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about
everything.
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