Superstitious Two robbers were robbing a hotel. The first one said, "I hear sirens. Jump!" The second one said, "But we're on the 13th floor!" The first one screamed back, "This is no time to be superstitious."
The Golfer There was a man named George who got a new job. His fellow employees always met for a round of golf every Saturday. They asked George to meet them at 10:00 Saturday morning. George replied that he would love to meet them, but he may be 10 minutes late. On Saturday morning George was there at exactly 10:00. He golfed right handed and won the round. Next Saturday rolls around, and George says that he will be there, but he may be 10 minutes late again. He shows up right on time, golfs left handed, and wins the round. This continues for the next few weeks, with George always saying that he may be 10 minutes late, and then always winning the round golfing, either left or right handed. The other employees are getting tired of this, and decided to ask him what the deal was. They said, ''George, every Saturday you say you may be ten minutes late. You never are. Then you show up and golf with either right handed or left handed, and always win. What is up with that?'' George replies, ''Well, I am a very superstitious kind of guy. Every Saturday when I wake up, I look over at my wife. If she is sleeping on her left side, I golf left handed. If she is sleeping on her right side, I golf right handed.'' ''Well,'' one of the employees questioned, ''What happens if she is laying on her back?'' George replies, ''Then I am 10 minutes late.'' Things to watch out for on this auspicious occasion especially those with triskaidekaphobia! -- Those who marry in autumn will probably have to rake a lot of leaves. To avoid toothache, never shave a yak on Friday the thirteenth. If your left hand itches, you will soon be attacked by thirteen Playboy Bunnies. Stepping on cracks in the sidewalk will give you flatulence. If you break a mirror, then you will spend the next seven years having to watch "Family Feud". A raven seen flying to your left means you will have to wash bird poop off your car. A pot boiling over means you will be visited by a pack of thirteen traveling harlequins. If you wake to the sound of thirteen mice burping, there will be trouble for you that day. Never cut an infant's fingernails before it is thirteen days old or the fairies will use them for TV antennas. If you place your bed facing North, you will never be troubled by thirteen tap-dancing raccoons. It is considered bad luck to spit inside a mailbox during a new moon on Friday the thirteen. If you knock over your chair upon rising, you will surely be plagued by thirteen baboons wearing top-hats. Never whistle before noon or you will be visited by thirteen hiccupping penguins by sunset. Good luck will come to you if you carry an amulet made of thirteen ice cubes. [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ http://www.jokes-joke.com/ http://funny-jokes.blogspot.com/ http://quotes.wordpress.com/ Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/ <*> Your email settings: Individual Email | Traditional <*> To change settings online go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/funny-jokes/join (Yahoo! ID required) <*> To change settings via email: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
