============================================================ jewelry and more. CyberRebate.com - The Land of the Free!TM http://click.topica.com/caaab7Gb1dhsSb1uOHTa/cyberrebate ============================================================ The Funnystuff Mailing List -- http://www.pbbt.com/funnystuff/today.shtml =======================--------- Get 2 1/2 hours of FREE long distance each month, Clear reception using MCI/WorldCom�s network Click Here for FREE Sign up! http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/18712//45001 <a href="http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/18712//45001";> AOL users click here </a> =======================--------- Quote of the Day: My girlfriend is weird. She asked me, "If you could know how and when you were going to die, would you want to know?" I said, "No." She said, "Okay, then forget it." -- Steven Wright =======================--------- Ken Swarmer: Kids There is a good reason we don�t allow children to work in laboratories � it�s called Saturday mornings when mom and dad are under the false impression it�s safe to sleep in. I don�t know about your kids, but mine think an unsupervised kitchen is a playground for creating edible works of art without encumbering tools like paper towels, wash rags and tarps. Don�t get me wrong, I am the first to encourage creativity�just not with sweet relish painted on a canvas of Granola Bars. My children are like Julia Child meets Pablo Picasso meets Oscar the Grouch. Funny thing is, when my wife and I finally come downstairs, you�d think the children would have cleaned up, or at least blamed the dog, but they always seem surprised that anything is wrong. Somewhere along the line, didn�t one of them turn to the other and say: "Nice Melba Toast and Marshmallow Sandwich. Now, we�d better clean up before mom and dad see this mess and slip into comas from the shock." But they don�t. Then, of course, I open my mouth and the dawn of realization spreads across their faces like two abstract artists seeing a rising mushroom cloud through the window of their paint-stained artist�s loft. Having been through this situation numerous times before (don�t ask), I decided last weekend to first tour the operation like a true connoisseur of 21st Century food art before handing down my judgement. "Hmmm, this looks interesting," I said. "What do you call it?" "That�s cherry pie filling rolled on graham cracker crumbs and served on a bed of crushed Oreos," my daughter explained. "It gave me a stomach ache." "Really? And this?" "That�s peanut butter stuffed inside a plum," my son answered. "But I�m not happy with it." "Why not?" "All the juice ran out when I hallowed out the middle." "Well that certainly explains a lot," I replied. "About what?" "About why me stocking feet are stuck to the kitchen floor." "Yea," my son retorted, "that happened to the cat, too. She�s been under the couch ever since licking her paws." Finally, I lost it. "This is a disgrace! It looks like a pack of ferocious pirates ransacked the kitchen." My son nodded. "Yea, I think that�s what happened." I rolled my eyes. "Tell me you had a couple dozen friends over this time. Right? They were here watching cartoons with you � they made a couple collages with our condiments, maybe a mayonnaise finger-painting, and then went home to show their parents?" My kids seemed perplexed. "No." I looked around the kitchen another time. "So, is there anything left for mom and I to eat for breakfast?" "There�s half a Pop Tart on the windowsill," my daughter replied. "You might have to scrape a little mustard off though." After the kids were banished to their rooms, I turned to my wife. "So what happens when they are older and their creativity improves?" "We quietly slip out of the house around midnight and rent our own apartment." I can live with that. Ken Swarner is author of Children: The Story of a Corporate Merger available on his website at www.kenswarner.bigstep.com. He can be emailed at [EMAIL PROTECTED] =======================--------- This is NOT a joke! No risk! The worst that happens is that you win $4,500! Go for it! <a href="http://www.qksrv.net/click-386138-897113"; target="_top" >Win $4,500!</a><img src="http://www.qksrv.net/image-386138-897113"; width="1" height="1" border="0"> =======================--------- Murphy's Law of the Day: Muir's Law When we try to pick out anything by itself, we find it hitchedto everything else in the universe. =======================--------- Bonus Murphy's Law of the Day! John Cameron's Law No matter how many times you've had it, if it's offered, take it, because it'll never be quite the same again. =======================--------- Get 2 1/2 hours of FREE long distance each month, Clear reception using MCI/WorldCom�s network Click Here for FREE Sign up! http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/18712//45001 <a href="http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/18712//45001";> AOL users click here </a> =======================--------- This mailing is NEVER sent without your express permission. Please feel free to forward this email on in it's entirety. To subscribe: http://www.pbbt.com/funnystuff/ mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To unsubscribe: Click the link at the bottom of this message, or mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] To send feedback: mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] Advertising: We are always looking for quality advertisers for the pbbt.com website and this mailing list. Please email mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] for rates and sales information. 25% discount* if you mention funnystuff. 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