============================================================ Win $50,000 - from Monstermoving.com! You could win a whole year�s worth of living expenses. Lots of great weekly prizes, too. Enter now and win! http://click.topica.com/caaabV8b1dhsSb1uOHTa/MonsterMoving ============================================================ The Funnystuff Mailing List -- http://www.pbbt.com/funnystuff/today.shtml =======================--------- 4 DVDs for only $0.49 each (plus s&h)! What are you waiting for? Start building your library today with your favorite films. With so many titles to choose from, you�re bound to find some essential titles you just can't live without! Click for more details. http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/21991/66055/66055 <a href="http://by.advertising.com/1/c/23097/21991/66055/66055";> AOL users click here </a> =======================--------- Quote of the Day: I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. -- Rodney Dangerfield =======================--------- Twenty-one Things not to do at Hostage Negotiations 1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. 2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick trip to the bathroom. 3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return, send the others to see what's taking him so long. 4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make you demands. 5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave the room. 6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your garage door opener. 7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than let the hostages go. 8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun because of a rock paper scissors tournament. 9. Forget your gun at home. 10. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls you a "meanie". 11. Ask the negotiator to tell your fianc�e that this is all a joke and would she marry you. As Negotiator: 1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner after the stand-off. 2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's always you you you! What about my needs?!" 3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly. 4. Show up stoned and do anything at all. 5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone "La la la la! I can't hear you!" 6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants. 7. Tell the hostage take that you think Rosanne Barr should play him in the TV movie of the stand-off. 8. Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window. 9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to Hindu if he wants you to deal with him. 10.When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him, "You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude like that." =======================--------- PBBT.COM Postcards --> Send one today and make someone smile! http://www.pbbt.com/postcards =======================--------- Murphy's Law of the Day: Laws of Applied Confusion - The one piece that the plant forgot to ship is the one that supports 75% of the balance of the shipment. Corollary - Not only did the plant forget to ship it, 50% of the time they haven't even made it. - Truck deliveries that normally take one day will take five when you are waiting for the truck. - After adding two weeks to the schedule for unexpected delays, add two more for the unexpected, unexpected delays. - In any structure, pick out the one piece that should not be mismarked and expect the plant to cross you up. Corollaries: - In any group of pieces with the same erection mark on it, one should not have that mark on it. - It will not be discovered until you try to put it where the mark says it's supposed to go. - Never argue with the fabricating plant about an error. The inspection prints are all checked off, even to the holes that aren't there. =======================--------- Bonus Murphy's Law of the Day! Klipstein's Observation Any product cut to length will be too short. =======================--------- Dialfreecalls.com is the only site that pays you to talk. You get 2 � hours of long distance FREE every month just for signing up with absolutely NO fees. All calls are carried by MCI/WORLDCOM and not over the Internet so they�re crystal clear. Credit cards are NOT required. 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[Funnystuff] Twenty-one Things not to do at Hostage Negotiations
PBBT.COM Funnystuff Mailing List Wed, 13 Jun 2001 08:36:17 -0700
