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Quote of the Day:

"I don't feel good." - Luther Burbank, dying words 

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Chocolate

       Chocolate is a vegetable.  How, you ask?  Chocolate is derived
  from coca beans.  Bean = vegetable.  Sugar is derived from either
  sugar CANE or sugar BEETS.  Both are plants, which places them in
  the vegetable category.  Thus, chocolate is a vegetable.

       To go one step further, chocolate candy bars also contain
  milk, which is dairy.  So candy bars are a health food.

      Chocolate covered raisins, cherries, orange slices and
  strawberries  all count as fruit, so eat as many as you want.

      The problem: How to get 2 pounds of chocolate home from the
  store in a hot car.  The solution: Eat it in the parking lot.

      Diet tip: Eat a chocolate bar before each meal. It'll take the
  edge off your appetite, and you'll eat less.  If calories are an
  issue, store your chocolate on top of the fridge. Calories are
  afraid of heights, and they will jump out of the chocolate to
  protect themselves.

      If you eat equal amounts of dark chocolate and white chocolate,
  the calories actually counteract each other.

      Chocolate has many preservatives. Preservatives make you look
  younger. Therefore, you need to eat more chocolate.

      Put "eat chocolate" at the top of your list of things to do
  today. That way, at least you'll get one thing done.  A nice box
  of chocolates can provide your total daily intake of calories in
  one place.  Now, isn't that handy?

     If you can't eat all your chocolate, it will keep in the freezer.
  But if you can't eat all your chocolate, what's wrong with you?
  If not for chocolate, there would be no need for control top
  pantyhose. An entire garment industry would be devastated. You
  can't let that happen.

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Murphy's Law of the Day:

Oaks's Unruly Laws for Lawmakers

 - Law expands in proportion to the resources available for its enforcement.
 - Bad law is more likely to be supplemented than repealed.
 - Social legislation cannot repeal physical laws.


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Bonus Murphy's Law of the Day!

Second Law of Physics
You cant push on a rope.

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