For those not familiar with Wayne Grytting, he is one of the most entertaining internet digesters. The firstr story below (not in the same order Wayne sent them in) is an interesting followup to the Burston-Marstellar article. Caspar Davis Excerpt from Top NEWSPEAK Stories of the Month #104 AMERICAN NEWSPEAK. Hoarded at http://www.scn.org/newspeak Celebrating cutting edge advances in the Doublethink of the 90's Written by Wayne Grytting The PR Firm of the Month Belated congratulations are in order for APCO Associates, a pioneer in engineering perceptions in the political arena for corporate clients. At their fine web site, APCO describes for prospective customers a recent successful campaign in which they built grass roots coalitions to pass legislation on a "complicated issue" for a large trade association. APCO successfully "implemented grassroots programs" (love that phrase), identified and trained "credible spokespersons," "assisted" in the writing of letters to newspapers and legislators and even coordinated phone calls into radio talk shows. Thanks to the Internet, APCO is now openly sharing their accomplishments in purchasing grassroots participation. In particular, it's reassuring to know that many of the letters on newspaper editorial pages have had professional "assistance." I'm sure that makes for an enriched reading experience. (www.apcoassoc.com) Making New Friends A steady relation with a family doctor has gone the way of the rest of the memorabilia from the 1950's according to a recent study showing that 25% of the public has changed physicians in the past two years. Now, reports Rachel Weissman in American Demographics, the doctor-patient gap is being filled by our pharmaceutical industry. Drug companies not only have the chance to step into the "breach" between doctor and patient, but are actually "establishing relations with the patients themselves" through direct marketing. And in an even stronger statement, we learn "The doctor-patient relationship is being replaced by a drug marketer-patient bond." I know I value my "bonds" with large multi-national corporations and I'm sure the new found "relationships" will be just as satisfying as those once engaged in with actual human beings. Hear that Hal? (AD 10/98) Virtual Recognition Cutting edge commercial web sites like Amazon.com are now using "personalization tools" to make your visit a unique experience. Software companies like Net Perceptions and Jupiter Communications are offering what they call "collaborative filtering" programs (implying cooperation to filter information) that track each visitor's choices at a web site and then make highly personalized recommendations on additional purchases they might want to make. According to Net Production, their personalization tool "works like your company's best sales reps," getting to know customers on a one-to-one basis. Each time a customer returns, the program keeps learning and pools the knowledge "to broaden and deepen each relationship." Not only will customers benefit from having such "deep" relations, they won't even have to know they are having them. According to Ken Cassar of Jupiter Communication, "Customers won't notice it (the personalized tracking), but it will improve their shopping experience." (American Demographics 11/98, www.netperceptions.com) No More Newt to Kick Around When news of the Grinch's resignation hit, I thought I'd have to pack up my suitcase and quit doing satire. But that was before I'd given new House Speaker Bob Livingston half a chance. Although promoted as a moderate, Livingston is the author of the "three strikes" law, he has blocked funding for abortions, co-sponsored right to work laws, and has set a record of sorts for the most money raised from the defense industry while having no defense installations in his district in Louisiana. Livingston garnered donations like $43,000 from Textron and $38,000 from Lockheed Martin because, according to his PAC director, John Emiling, "We've had a dialogue with them for years." One dialogue partner, Charles Manon from Lockheed Martin, has some curious words of praise for the new Speaker. Manon says simply, "He's been an articulate advocate for our industry." This may sound confusing for those of us who thought Livingston was the House Speaker and not another lobbyist. (AP 11/12/98) Having Your Cake and Eating It Too Lawyers who opposed the tobacco industry in the $382 billion lawsuit will not go unrewarded for their efforts. In fact they have taken in over a half billion dollars this year as efforts to cap their fees fell by the wayside. While critics have blasted their greed in claiming outrageous fees while clients they represent are dying of lung cancer, the attorneys themselves have presented a strong defense of the millions earned by their firms. Their reasoning? If the tobacco companies hadn't found their requests reasonable, "they would not have paid them so much." Attorney Richard Scruggs, owner of a brand new $192,000 Bentley (thanks to the settlement), points out the tobacco companies agreed to pay "a like kind and character as the industry pays its own lawyers and consultants." This included expenses like $250,000 for attorney Robert Kerrigan to fly his private jet. Now let's see if we have this straight. First you show that an industry is corrupt. Then you hold up that industry's judgment of what is "reasonable" to defend your new Bentleys. Hmm... maybe I should go back to law school? (WSJ 10/8/98) Help Wanted The CIA is hiring once again. In fact they've launched a national recruiting campaign to attract a new generation of spies for what they describe as the "ultimate international career." The head of their recruiting effort, Gill Medeiros, reports the agency "overachieved at downsizing" following the end of the Cold War when its staff dropped from 22,000 to 16,000. Tsk, tsk. Now the CIA is looking for skilled young college graduates who can answer "Yes!" to the question boldly posed in magazine ads, "Do you have what it takes?" Apparently it takes "integrity," "intellect," "common sense," "patriotism" and "courage" to serve in today's CIA. And what will those sterling qualities be used for? Answers CIA Director George Tenet, "No matter how technical it becomes, our job is -- and always will be -- the same: we are in the spy business, we steal secrets, recruit agents, and we do it better than anybody else." But only those with integrity should do the stealing.... (WP 11/27/98) "What's that in the sky...?" Many of the comic book Superheroes from our youth are being put to work not only to keep our streets safe but to help sell more American products. Spiderman is helping to sell Castrol Motor Oil while Iron Man promotes Phillip Morris Altoid Mints and Superman does double duty pitching the Jeep Cherokee and American Express. Advertisers like the Superheroes because they work cheap and have instant recognition. Although this may sound like yet another case of commercialization gone out of control, there is good news. The owner of these Superheroes, DC Comics, which in turn is owned by Time Warner, recognizes that their "global brands" (as they refer to Batman and friends) will suffer from being over exploited. According to DC comics publisher Paul Levitz, "Superman and Batman have to each stand for a certain set of things. You try to preserve the magic." Now Superman will fight for truth, justice and the American Espress Way. A modest change. (WSJ 11/10/98) Pleasantville in the 90's Ten million Americans now live in what are called "master-planned" suburban communities, according to the Community Associations Institute. These have been designed around the needs of mobile, affluent families who want safe, tightly controlled environments filled with like-minded people. These suburban oases offer strict covenants that prohibit a whole range of questionable practices and possibly give new meaning to the phrase "anal retentive." In Houston's "Woodlands" community, for example, houses may only be painted in approved colors, garbage cans may not be visible, barbecue grills may not be located in the front yard, garage sales are forbidden and bug-zapper lights may not be placed more than six feet off the ground. Residents Peter and Jill Addy defend this high level of conformity because, "It's to protect our own interests." Gotta keep those property values up. And as evidence of how well these covenants work: 50% of the violations are reported by neighbors. (Sorry, no stats on the number of parents turned in by their children.) WSJ 10/7/98 Two Part Harmony Every so often we like to report on good news about people learning to cooperate. The Wall Street Journal reports there is a "new harmony" between rock music and Madison Avenue. Rock musicians who used to sneer at "selling out" now see combining their music with commercials as a "great promotional vehicle." An old obscure 1966 Republica song called "Ready to Go" became a break out hit recently when it was dusted off and used for a commercial. Crystal Method's song "Busy Child" made the charts after appearing in a Gap ad and Verve's "Bittersweet Symphony" took off after making it with Nike. As a result, reports Val Azzoli, co-chair of Time Warner's Atlantic Group, "All those barriers are down now." Almost sounds like the fall of the Berlin Wall. Sure is good having those stuffy old barriers down... isn't it? (WSJ 10/9/98) OK, we are back after a well deserved sabbatical so quit whining about not getting your Newspeak fixes. You can still subscribe by writing me at [EMAIL PROTECTED]
