Sports and Yoga but no music.  That's the American way.   How did we get
here?    IQ tests don't test for anything but visual and the practical is
all hand eye coordination.    But the wealthy make sure their kids get it as
do the Asians, Russians and French.

 

REH

 

February 17, 2012


Building Self-Control, the American Way


By SANDRA AAMODT and SAM WANG


EACH year, it seems, a new book emerges to capitalize on the parental
insecurities of Americans. Last year it was Amy Chua’s “Battle Hymn of the
Tiger Mother.” This time it’s Pamela Druckerman’s “Bringing Up Bébé.” 

But rather than trying to emulate the strict discipline supposedly instilled
by child-rearing techniques in other countries, it may be more useful to
consider the science of successful parenting in general. Like their Chinese
and French counterparts, American parents can make a child’s mind strong —
by enlisting the child as an ally. 

In any culture, the development of self-control is crucial. This ability,
which depends on the prefrontal cortex, provides the basis for mental
flexibility, social skills and discipline. It predicts success in education,
career and marriage. Indeed, childhood self-control is twice as important as
intelligence in predicting academic achievement. Conversely, poor
self-control in elementary school increases the risk of adult financial
difficulties, criminal behavior, single parenthood and drug dependence. 

Traditionally, Asian students succeed in part because they show good
self-control from an early age. In one study, Chinese preschoolers were six
months ahead of American children in developing mental control, like the
ability to look to the left when shown a face pointing to the right. Another
study found that Korean 3-year-olds did as well on such tasks as British
children who were 17 months older. 

Like many brain capacities, self-control can be built through practice.
Chinese parenting emphasizes child training, which combines close
supervision of performance with substantial support and motivation for the
child’s efforts. This approach comes at a great cost to parents and
children. East Asian students study long and hard — in South Korea, 14 hours
a day. Parental pressure there is so intense that the government has hired
inspectors to enforce a 10 p.m. curfew on private tutoring. 

In “Bringing Up Bébé,” Ms. Druckerman, a journalist, is envious of Parisian
parents whose children don’t throw tantrums in public or fight on
playgrounds. She ascribes this good behavior to stern French methods like
forcing children to follow schedules and wait for attention. But in the
school system, this strict approach translates to a rigid curriculum with an
emphasis on memorization. French children also are tracked into different
academic paths by age 12, a practice that reinforces the influence of
parental socioeconomic status on educational and career outcomes, reducing
social mobility. 

Fortunately for American parents, psychologists find that children can learn
self-control without externally imposed pressure. Behavior is powerfully
shaped not only by parents or teachers but also by children themselves. The
key is to harness the child’s own drives for play, social interaction and
other rewards. Enjoyable activities elicit dopamine release to enhance
learning, while reducing the secretion of stress hormones, which can impede
learning and increase anxiety, sometimes for years. 

Effective approaches for building self-control combine fun with
progressively increasing challenges. Rather than force activities onto an
unwilling child, take advantage of his or her individual tendencies. When
children develop self-control through their own pursuit of happiness, no
parental hovering is required. Find something that the child is crazy about
but that requires active effort. Whether it’s compiling baseball statistics
or making (but not passively watching) YouTube videos, passionate hobbies
build mental staying power that can also be used for math homework. 

Play allows children to practice skills that are useful in adult life. Young
children build self-control through elaborate, imaginative games like
pretending to be a doctor or a fireman. Preschool teachers can promote
self-control with simple techniques — for example, handing a child a drawing
of an ear to remind him that it’s his turn to listen. Frequent practice is
crucial. Montessori preschool instruction, which has been shown to lead to
strong academic achievement, incorporates self-control into daily
activities. 

Learning a second language strengthens mental flexibility, an aspect of
self-control, because the languages interfere with each other and because
children must determine which language the listener will understand.
Bilingual children do well on tasks that require them to ignore conflicting
cues, for example reporting that a word is printed in green ink even though
it says “red.” Bilingual children are better at learning abstract rules and
reversing previously learned rules, even before their first birthday. People
who continue to speak both languages as adults show these benefits for a
lifetime. 

Aerobic exercise, which increases prefrontal cortex activity, is another way
to build cognitive flexibility. Further benefits may come from Asian
practices that require sustained attention and disciplined action, like
martial arts, yoga
<http://topics.nytimes.com/top/reference/timestopics/subjects/y/yoga/index.h
tml?inline=nyt-classifier>  and meditation. Though parents often worry that
physical education takes time away from the classroom, an analysis of
multiple studies instead found strong evidence that physical activity
improved academic performance. 

The connection between self-control and social skills seems to be a two-way
street. Helping children to identify their emotions and think through
possible consequences before reacting improves self-control, in the
classroom and at home. According to an analysis of 213 studies involving
more than 270,000 students from kindergarten through high school, programs
to enhance social and emotional development accelerate school achievement as
much as interventions targeted at academic subjects. 

Children do not all start at the same place, but they all can benefit from
building self-control. Though many children develop this ability at home,
children of stressed and overwhelmed parents have fewer opportunities to do
so and benefit greatly from preschool programs as preparation for later
schooling. In addition, boys, on average, develop self-control later than
girls. Regardless of initial ability, increasing self-control improves life
outcomes. 

Americans could take one tip from Asian and French parents: abandon the idea
that they must support self-esteem at all costs. Children do not benefit
from routine empty praise, like the cries of “Good job!” that ring out over
American playgrounds. Chinese and French parents are sparing in their
praise, yet children from those cultures do not have noticeably lower
self-esteem. 

More effective is to praise a child for effort. “You’re so smart!” doesn’t
suggest what to do next time; “Wow, you kept working on that math problem
until you got it right!” carries a clear message about the desired behavior.
Communicating high but achievable expectations confers tools for real
success — the best route to true self-esteem. 

An internally motivated approach to building self-control plays to
traditional American strengths. Being self-motivated may lead to other
positive long-term consequences as well, like independence of thought and
willingness to speak out. 

Helping your children learn to manage themselves, rather than rely on
external orders, could pay big dividends in adulthood. With a little luck,
they may end up agreeing with the legendarily hard-striving Thomas Edison:
“I think work is the world’s greatest fun.” 

Sandra Aamodt, a former editor in chief of Nature Neuroscience, and Sam
Wang, an associate professor of molecular biology and neuroscience at
Princeton, are the authors of “Welcome to Your Child
<http://www.welcometoyourbrain.com/> ’s Brain: How the Mind Grows From
Conception to College.”

 

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