what could be the reason for fvwm showing its kill icon on startup and
when restarting?

It seems to do that since after I made some change to the configuration,
and I don't remember what that change was.  When it first happened, I
thought "ok, it's been restarted like so often and might be confused and
this will go away on a fresh start" --- but it didn't.

The configuration is here: https://github.com/lee-/fvwm

Again we must be afraid of speaking of daemons for fear that daemons
might swallow us.  Finally, this fear has become reasonable.

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