I disagree. It is very uncommon. Children today have very few preconceived ideas about how families "should" be structured. There is so much variety that they just don't think of the so-called nuclear family as particularly usual. I just asked my son - who is now 18 and a senior in high school - if anyone had ever berated him about his parents never having been married, and he said no. He said some kids would ask him why, but no one ever made fun of him or berated him for it. Some of them thought he was pretty much just like the countless other children whose parents weren't together, whether they had ever been married or not.
Trevor is well aware that he was the much-anticipated and planned for baby of two people who cared deeply for each other but were never married. His dad and I are still very close friends, talk often, spend some of nearly every holiday together with our son, are affectionate with each other, etc. He never has to wonder if his parents love each other, and he has never once had to see us being mean, loud or disrespectful towards one another. I wish all kids could make that claim. Cee ----- Original Message ----- From: Jerry Belloit To: [email protected] Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 5:13 PM Subject: RE: [gatortalk] Athletic Director Comparisons Charlie, You are correct, but unfortunately, it has also sometimes becomes a stigma for the child especially if the parents never marry. It is not uncommon for other children (even today) to berate other children in that circumstance. Interestingly, some years ago, I had a young couple who came to me where the woman had an unplanned pregnancy. The pastor in me said I would gladly marry them as soon as they would like. They decided that they wanted to plan the wedding a few months AFTER the baby was born. They said that they always wanted the baby to know that they were getting married because they loved each other and not because they "had" to. While the baby would obviously not remember this, the baby was included in the wedding ceremony and presented with "marriage gifts" by both parents. Someday, I suspect the child will learn about how her parents loved her so much they wanted her to be part of their love for each other. Jerry From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Charlie Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 4:35 PM To: [email protected] Subject: RE: [gatortalk] Athletic Director Comparisons I am reasonably sure that the term "illegitimate child" historically has meant a child born of an unmarried couple. I don't believe this term was meant to label the child specifically, only the circumstances of it's birth. Charlie ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Jerry Belloit Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 4:13 PM To: [email protected] Subject: RE: [gatortalk] Athletic Director Comparisons I was driving South all day yesterday and my Gator in-box was full of email and had not read them all when I replied. I see now that Cee and I were on the same wave length. I think that any adjective that refers to the child will be problematic, especially when the real criticism is directed toward the parents assuming that the baby was unplanned. I believe a better way to say what was intended was to simply say that the guy had a fight with the woman in front of a child that he had fathered outside of marriage. Jerry From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of John Vega Sent: Thursday, January 06, 2011 11:58 AM To: [email protected] Subject: Re: [gatortalk] Athletic Director Comparisons On Jan 6, 2011, at 10:41 AM, Jerry Belloit wrote: I agree with your general comments, but I want to take a small exception to a choice of words, "illegitimate child". The child is not responsible for the poor decisions of his parents. (S)he is legitimate. Hmm. Surely there must be a term that is not pejorative to the child yet allows the poor decision making ability of the parents to remain an issue for discussion. Nominations? -Zeb -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us -- GATORS: ONE VOICE ON SATURDAY - NO VOICE ON SUNDAY! 1996 National Football Champions | 2006 National Basketball Champions 2006 National Football Champions | 2007 National Basketball Champions 2008 National Football Champions | Three Heisman Trophy winners: Steve Spurrier (1966), Danny Wuerffel (1996), Tim Tebow (2007) - Visit our website at www.gatornet.us
