Mahesh, U say - Love is Blind.......... Yes I also know that dear, but then we are living in this world where such blindness only causes pain to ourselves. I very well understand what feelings & agony U have gone thru' & are still going thru'.
If possible just meet him once & talk to him openly.Kill yourself only ONCE, instead of killing U everyday! Take all that gutts & will-power in U & disclose the love U have for him. May be if GOD wants he will also reciprocate what U really long for. I have a feeling he wants U to say it first.( I may be wrong too ) Mahesh my dear, life is short(ask me), Live it well or else one has to repent after it has gone away from our own hands by our own saintly delays. My best wishes & moral support is there for U. Give it a GO & SPEAK out. Kyaa hogaa Zyaada se Zyaada..........Sau baar Marne se Achhaa hai Ek Baar Maut Aa Jaaegi!! Hai Naa??? Pyaar Andhaa Zaroor hota hai, par Uske Andhepan ko apne andar Nasoor Banney Mat Do!! Un Zakhmo ka Marham Tumhe Khud Karnaa hoga..........(I know ure a Doc, but these wounds dont need your medical attention, they need your will power & inner strength) Warm regards, SAHIL. mahesh patil <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: The phone was ringing incessantly that day.I picked up the reciever and a very familiar voice called out" Many happy returns of the day".Well I shouldnt lie,actually I knew who it was at that very instance but pretended as if I was talking to a stranger....It was "he" who had given a meaning to my life,ya it was a bit kiddish I must admit but i was in love with him.. He was Jay! My college buddy..Hey dont get me wrong he's straight!(unfortunately!)...I was going through a bad phase in life...I had given my 12 std.exam and I had come out with flying colours,but the colours were not vibrant enough for me to fetch a medical seat which I desperately wanted...There was a stay on the admission process that time and the authorities were thinking of a reassestment process...Well thats how I am a doctor now! Ha so coming back to Jay....I had started my B.Sc (Microbiology) course. I vividly remember the day i first saw him...He was wearing a Blue T-shirt and a jeans....I could see fine drizzling droplets of rain on his shiny hair and a day old stuble on his prognathic jaw...That kind of a profile (called class 3) looks good on some people...well thats a dental point of view... He had a perplexed look on his face ,probably he was finding the right person to share a seat with...I had a seat vacant next to me but he did not pay any heed to my offering! I had liked him at that very moment...after the class I tried to find him but he was out of view.. A couple of days later he sat next to me and my heart skipped a beat! We began talking generally and thats when I figured out that we shared the same surname...No we were not cousins! but there was some really entangling relation which i still cannot understand....from his mothers side... Thats how we began hanging out and spending time together....I just liked being with him...I had found a new incentive to come to college! He was all alone and had no siblings,and it was me who was so very wanting "male-love"...I might sound a little vulgar by saying so but dont get me wrong...I wanted a strong shoulder to cry on, strong arms and chest wherein I could just crash...I warm hug,....I was craving(and continue to do so) for a intimacy that I have never got from my Father....He had everything I wanted besides he liked me a lot and he had said to me that he did find me "cute"....and I was so flattered.I had come to know that he had a girlfriend and that he has had a recent break-up! The entire college was talking about our friendship....They called us"counter-parts" of each other.I never liked him talking about other girls, I was being so possesive.....I could not think of a day without him...As days were passing by we were getting more and more closer...He did kiss me on my cheek and used to hug me often.... Then I got an admission finally, in Mumbai and I was in tears because I was going to loose his warmth and touch...I carried with me his photographs, gifts, infact I carried the same perfume he used, It was...Aqua-cool...for me to feel his fragrance when i missed him...The fragrance that mesmerized me....made me forget pain.... I always used to visit him whenever I came home...I found out that we were no longer that close now...maybe he was not understanding me...I was in Love with him...How could he Love me?He was straight.....he was going to be happy with a girl....I actually played the cupid and tried to fix him up with the girl he liked....why? because I wanted him to be happy.... Once he had come to my house to spend the night and we were sleeping on the same bed....I dont know how...but i SMOOCHED HIM.........Oh god! He was zapped...He did not react repulsively but he went to sleep...I was filled with guilt and fear...i just couldnt sleep that night......after that we were in touch very formally...eventually we had completely stopped talking to each other not because I had kissed him but various reasons not woth mentioning here....until my birthday last month.... How do i feel about him Now!!!!? just as any other straight friend....Hey i am not some straight man seducer....Hello!!!! Well thats all i have to say....I so firmly believe that LOVE's BLIND........ Group Site: http://www.gaybombay.info ========================== This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages (by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all members. If you'd like to respond privately to the author of any message then please compose and send a new email message to the author's email address. 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