One of the hardest things to accept is that people aren't gay just because we want them to be. You obviously desperately want this guy to be gay and bf, so you're trying to close your eyes to the considerable evidence that he is quite straight and happy to have you as a friend, but that's it.
To be honest, reading your detailed account, the one thing I'm amazed at his how patient this guy seems to have been with you - I'd certainly have lost patience long back, somewhere around the 'taking his hall ticket to the temple' stage. I've known a couple of gay guys who have carried on in the most hysterical, obsessive way around straight guys they are in love with and, at some point, my instinct to sympathise with them tends to shift towards sympathy for the object of their affection. But this guy is being patient with you and that's the best evidence that he doesn't want to hurt you, appreciates your feelings for him and would be happy to have you as a friend. But he can't respond to you as a gay man because, well, he's not. So do both of you a favour and drop him and try and focus on unambiguously gay guys. And for God sake don't give us the Bobby Darling answer of how you can only love straight men because - the implication is - other gay men are all like you. There's a level of stereotyping and homophobia in the Bobby Darling sort of fetishization of straight men that is really disgusting. (For those who don't know, Bobby Darling is a Bollywood actor who's openly gay and positions himself as such for gay roles. There is very much to admire in his courage and tenacity, but not the rubbish he says about only being able to love straight men). I'm sorry if this sounds harsh and believe me I do appreciate how heart tearingly hard it can be to love someone who cannot or will not reciprocate. But life is often not fair and one example is, as I said, how it often makes the people we would like to be gay really straight. Its better not to delude onself and get on with one's life, Vikram --- In gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com, yamaha black <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > hai guys , > > > this is a 8 years love story. > > i am in love with a male, who is my friend since our college days. his name is sindoor. we were in our engineering days, when i fell for him. > > lately all our classmates came to know and also the girls, ofcourse his girl friend too. i was at first attracted by his hunky looks, his fair complexion. his height. his strong body. his sexy smile, his rosy lips. his naughty plays and looks. > > his stylish dressing sense used to drive me mad. during the fourth semester, he called home for combine studies. the whole nite, till 3 am we studied. and then he went asleep. > > we were getting calls from our other friends, who were making fun of us and atleast used to say sindoor, enjoy with your partner, he just used to give smile, nothing else. > > i did not sleep, i was continously looking at him tll 6 am. his legs, his bermuda, his hair on the legs, thighs, his face, his hand, and finally i got the chance to wake him up in the morning 6am. i touched him for the first time. first his hand, i called him by his name to wake him. he was still in deep sleep. > > then i started moving my hand around his body. first his hand, trhen shoulders, his face, his head, his hair, i started massaging. he was still in deep sleep. then his ears, his nose, his eyes and finally his lips. at that moment, i felt that i was on the top of the world. i was so happy. he got up. did not say anything. he dropped me home. > > next day onwards, i had a very bad time in the college. he stopped talking to me. he tried to be away from me. but he could not close the mouths of the classmates. cos, everyone knew that i ahd spent a nite with him. so each and everyone were asking what actually happened. we did not bother to give explainations. > > day by day he was going away from me. i was feeling very frustated. going to college had become a sort of punishment to me. after few months, things started getting better. he once agian started talking to me, but not as before. i used to ask his examination hall ticket, take it to the temple. and return it back. even this issue was highlighted by all friends. > > but, he never used to sit next to me. he was actually afraid of the people around. but i was not. this continued for a long time. at last semester we went to project tour. i was pretending to be happy. but under se i was not. cos, i had to encounter him every moment. i literally stopped talking to him, i tried to avoid him, becos, i was fed up of all things that used to happen after that. i prayed for his prosperity, but never showed. > > he never reciprocated to me. not even one day he came to me and said, i like u. i love is door ki baat hai. even his girl friend knew about it. one nite, i did not had dinner during the trip. i was sleeping at the last seat in the bus. i was not sleeping, i was aware what was going on outside the bus. everyone were having food outside. i was left, so all forced sindoor to call me. he finally entered the bus and called me. i did not go, then he said, plz come for my sake, at the moment, once again i was on the top. i went and had dinner. i saw his eyes, it was full of some kind of attachment. i was high. > > at the end of the college, time came to be apart. we exchanged our autographs. i wrote about 5 pages, everyone in the class read that. but i did not bother. i also gave him to write atleast three words, he said that he would, but i never got the book back. we were away, i tried to come out of that and start a fresh life in this professional front. > > after one year we were still no where. i thought of doing some software course. i was looking for it. he too was looking for it unknowingly. ( i did not know). he came to know from others that i was alos looking for it. he was alone those days. he called me once and said that he would be joining a course, if he gets one or two more people, the course fee would be greatly reduced. i was justing waiting for one all from him, soon i agreed. we had a good time together for 6-7 months. meantime, he got a job in call center. he joined that, then i was left once again alone. i did not join call center, cos, of my bad vocabulary and english. > > after some time, two years back i got a job in dubai. i am working presently in dubai. i told him that i would be going to dubai. he said that he wants to meet me before that. he found time the previous nite before my flight, next early morning. i went to coffee shop to meet him "coffee day" > he had two three gifts for me with the autograph book, he asked me, why was i smiling?, i replied- "cos, u r with me, walking with me, talking to me, looking at me". he smiled. > > he gave ne two gifts- one candle boy, one alarm clock, other gift was given by his girl friend. > we were sitting adjecant, touching each others' knees. the whole coffe shop had one boy-one girl sitting, but only we were boy- boy. anyway, i didnot bother. it was already 10 pm. 7 am i had flight. he asked me to read the autograph. i went through. i was soo happy. it said that, love shd be experienced, cldn't be said. he also had written.-- though we r not close, we have a sense of belonging. i was touched when i read that he is bad at expressing. > > i said that he is now feeling bad cos i am going away. i was really missing me. he said that now he is alone. he said that u cld now make out the difference between me and others who r no more with him. he hugged me. i was waiting for his touch. it was december 25th night 10:10 pm. everyone around saw that. my underwear became wet. i can even now feel the happyness i felt. the peak point of my life. > > even now i call him, mail him. in this two years i went to india more than 8 times, everytime i meet him, go to movies, restaurants. we enjoy. once i had a nite out also, but we were so tired that i cld not do anything. > > this time also he invited me for a nite halt. i did not agree, cos, i am afraid that if something happens, then the same relation he break, for take some other way. but even to this day, i have a basic doubt, > > does he love me? > does he love me? > > does he love me? > > plz decide. > > > > > > > > raahu an <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > Hello, > > There are several issues to gay sexuality in India, which in a way I feel will be sorted only slowly with the passage of time when society evolves further. > > I feel that basically human beings are empathetic and society will slowly start accepting gay sexuality as an integral part of it when it understands the fundamental processes behind gay sexuality and realizes how a gay person is not a threat to the family culture or the basic need to procreate the human race. Inducting gay sexuality as a normal part of human life would definitely not make everyone homosexual and sound the death knell for human race, but would just allow yet another individual [gay] to live in peace with himself and realize happiness and fulfilment. > > It is my personal opinion that attempts to regularly educate the society about the sensitive and scientific issues behind gay sexuality and clearing its [ society's] genuine anxieties as to what such a change could bring about to humanity would do much better than flagrantly and gaudily parading one's sexuality in front of people once a while. It is something like this: When things are told the way it has to be told then people will be more receptive to your ideas and this will bring about a lasting change. I reiterate that this is just my personal opinion. > > ****************** > > One problem a gay individual feels in a society which doesn't accept gay sexuality is ego dystonia [ an inner distress felt , when one's feelings are inconsistent with what one perceives one ought to feel ] and a feeling of diminishing self esteem when he perceives the whole world around him straight, excepting his close gay friends or the contacts at internet sites. > > Also, what some of us indulge regularly is visit gay pornographic sites, speculate immaturely as to which celebrity could be gay, morph pictures of our favourite celebrity in gay postures etc. One can see these aplenty in yahoo groups dedicated to indian gay individuals. Since this challenged my sensibilities I have quit from most of these groups. > > But what has helped me to keep up my morale as a gay man and has also enabled me to view and also conduct myself with both dignity and grace is regular visits to sites such as > like http://gayinfo.tripod.com/ which enlist the life , pictures and achievements of famous gay individuals around the world [ except India of course!!!] who have contributed significantly to humanity. > > Though I am closeted, going through such sites, has given me the inner strength, the ability to view myself with respect, the ability to face criticism and the ability to come out about my sexuality when the time comes. > > I wish a discerning reader of this forum goes through such sites at least once in a while. > > Best wishes, > > R > > 4.8.2005 > > > > > --------------------------------- > How much free photo storage do you get? Store your friends n family photos for FREE with Yahoo! Photos. > http://in.photos.yahoo.com > > Group Site: > > http://www.gaybombay.info > ========================== > This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages (by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all members. If you'd like to respond privately to the author of any message then please compose and send a new email message to the author's email address. > > Post:- gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com > Subscribe:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Digest Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] > No Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Individual Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] > Contact Us:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Archives are at http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay% 40yahoogroups.com/maillist.html > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > YAHOO! GROUPS LINKS > > > Visit your group "gay_bombay" on the web. > > To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: > [EMAIL PROTECTED] > > Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to the Yahoo! Terms of Service. > > > --------------------------------- > > > > > --------------------------------- > Start your day with Yahoo! - make it your home page ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> <font face=arial size=-1><a href="http://us.ard.yahoo.com/SIG=12h0n11a9/M=320369.6903865.7846595.3022212/D=groups/S=1705064406:TM/Y=YAHOO/EXP=1123533698/A=2896110/R=0/SIG=1107idj9u/*http://www.thanksandgiving.com ">Help save the life of a child. Support St. Jude Children¿s Research Hospital</a>.</font> --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> Group Site: http://www.gaybombay.info ========================== This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages (by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all members. If you'd like to respond privately to the author of any message then please compose and send a new email message to the author's email address. Post:- gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com Subscribe:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] Digest Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] No Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] Individual Mail Mode:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] Contact Us:- [EMAIL PROTECTED] Archives are at http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay%40yahoogroups.com/maillist.html Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
