http://www.deccanherald.com/deccanherald/jan132006/living161456200611 2.asp
Look now we're changing For long bogged down by societal norms, people with alternate sexuality are no longer trying to hide their way of life, finds Bala Chauhan. I am homosexual, not gay. I like men but I don't conform to a lifestyle, which has become the gay culture, he says, lighting a Marlboro. Vikram Kiron Sardesai has just finished his lunch and has some time to chat before getting into the afternoon meeting. One of India's leading designers, Vikram is a busy man who believes that "you only live once, so live it well." A product of the National Institute of Design, Ahmedabad, Vikram is at ease with his sexuality. "I always knew I was different and I don't want to be straight. If that's what you want to know from me," his smile from behind the cigarette smoke is honest and in the face. "To me religion and sexuality are two very private things. It is nobody's business to know what I do in my bedroom. To me being a homosexual is a way of life. I work the way I want to and that has nothing to do with my being homosexual," he makes his point. Vikram `came out' when he was 20 years old, in Delhi. His being a homosexual wasn't an issue with his family and friends. In due course of time, he found a partner, who was in the same field as him. The two lived together in Mumbai for nine years. And when they outgrew each other, they parted as friends. With time and his own growing up, he realised that he was not cut out for one-to-one relationships. "It's too much to expect of one individual because no one is perfect. It's much easier with multiple partners. There's a lot of affection. I derive my intellectual and creative stimulation from different people I know and care for. I am not possessive about any of them. I don't believe in long-term relationships. It doesn't work out. It's important for people to give each other time and space. Even if I had a permanent lover we would have lived in separate spaces," he says. Unlike Vikram, there are people with alternate sexuality who believe in long-term partnership and life long commitment. Anna and Leena (names changed) are a lesbian couple who live together in a rented apartment in Bangalore. They met four years ago, in Delhi, fell in love with each other and decided to stay together. "I found Anna very attractive. I proposed to her and she accepted me," says Leena, who is a transgender. "I was born a girl but felt, behaved and dressed like a man. It took my parents some time to understand that I was a lesbian. It was more difficult for Leena as her parents filed a police complaint against us and for some time we faced hell from them," says Anna. As a couple they share their responsibilities equally though Anna has taken on a man's role (in gay parlance, she's the butch) and Leena is fem (short of feminine). For them getting married is important though they are aware that same sex marriages don't have the sanction of the church. Rukmini and Seema (names changed) are also a lesbian couple living together for the last five years. They met each other while in college and after a year-long courtship, got `married' in a temple. "For us marriage was necessary to cement the bond. It does not bother us if it is illegal in the Indian society. We are looking forward to adopting a child but before that, we need to stabilise ourselves economically," says Seema. Relationships and expectations between same sex people are as different and diverse as those between heterosexuals. "They wake up and brush their teeth the same way as anybody else does. Why is the society so interested in the lives of people with alternate sexuality? The problem is not what they are doing in their bedroom. The question is why is the world or the law inside their bedroom?" Questions Vinay Chandran, executive director, Swabhava Trust a Bangalore-based voluntary organisation working for the rights of LGBT (lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender) people and those afflicted with HIV/AIDS. Vinay holds socialisation responsible for stereotyping gender and relationships. "The optics of a gay relationship is always viewed from a heterosexual viewpoint. Regarding marriage there are divided views in the community. Many feel that there is no need to replicate the institution of marriage in which women have borne the brunt of violence for ages. But there are others, who feel that marriage is a must," he adds. "Why do gay people have to mimic heterosexuals?" Asks Vikram. "A growing number of people, gay included, are beginning to question societal pressures on people to be in single partner relationships," says noted theatre personality Mahesh Dattani. The question is one of rights of people, who are "not straight." Section 377 of the Indian Penal Code criminalises sodomy. Whether they wish to conform or not to `straight' norms, should be left to them. At best. Elton John Pop star Elton John (58) and his partner David Furnish (43), a Canadian, tied the knot on December 21, 2005 in a ceremony that capped the first week of civil partnership ceremonies in the UK. The couple exchanged vows during a ceremony at Windsor's town hall -- the Guildhall -- where Prince Charles and Camilla Parker Bowles wed in April. George Michael In 1998, for the first time in his two-decade music career, British pop star George Michael confessed to an American news channel that he is gay. In December 2005, he announced he would tie the knot with his partner Kenny Goss. Group Site: http://www.gaybombay.info ========================== This message was posted to the gay_bombay Yahoo! Group. Responses to messages (by clicking "Reply") will also be posted on the eGroup and sent to all members. 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