Guys,
Almost an year ago I had written the following email (the one at the bottom of
this mail) to our GB group, and received lot of support from various members...
My heartful of thanks to all those members who wished me Good Luck! Their
prayers have been heard and today I am free with all my tensions , worries
whatever u call it....
To begin with my story let me formally announce my name here first. I am
Rahul. I have done my engineering and I have been working for last 10.5 years
in the field of information technology....I have enjoyed a great career and
travelled the world over....With ambitious mind and with high expectations from
my happy go lucky kind of life...I purchased a new big flat for me, my parents
and to start my new family life (yes even though I knew I was a gay)....I got
engaged to a beautiful, charming and intelligent girl...she was my distant
relative....after our engagement we started roaming around like free
lovebirds...exchanged emails...kisses...and lot more that any two lovers would
do. But after almost 2-3 months I started observing changes in her
attitude...her behaviour
and her wish list that she was trying to propose me
with
I was a very straight forward guy..and I had never got any chance to understand
any woman so closely. At this point in time I had no thoughts of staying single
as I was already attached to her and had started dreaming about my family life
with her
but as the time went by
she started showing her true colours
.she
started avoiding me whenever I used to go and meet her while she was with her
friends
.she started giving excuses for not meeting me and started telling me
that she had received lots of better marriage proposals and she could have
opted for someone better than me
I used to get upset and try to find flaws/loop
holes in my relationship
.I used to question myself if I had done anything
wrong to her for which she had started showing disrespect and disregards to my
feelings
.Our tiffs took a shape of small disputes which in turn triggered new
arguments and fights
. She went to an extent of breaking our engagement and
cancelling the marriage hall which we had booked for
our wedding
. My father was a very sensitive person and he was deeply attached
to his LADLA BETA.. He couldnt see his sons engagement being broken and soon
he met with his first heart attack
I couldnt see my dad suffering in pain and
physical torture
I promised myself whatever it may cost I will try to make
my relationship with her again and try to keep my dad happy So me and my Mom
tried to convince her to patch up again and make a fresh start. She agreed. My
dad started feeling better and he began our marriage preparations in full
swing
but may be god didnt want to see me happy for a long time! Just one
month before my marriage on a black Saturday I lost my father
He suffered
cardiac arrest and left me and my Mom alone. My Mom also collapsed on seeing my
dad dead and I had to hospitalized her in an ICU
.I brought my Mom back home
just 2 days before my wedding
.my relatives and family friends advised us to go
ahead with my marriage as it would only add a new
member into our family and that might help my Mom feel better
I had no choice
but to accept the wedlock
I was feeling guilty from within as at one end my
Mom had turned into a widow and at other end I got married to begin my family
life
Was it really justified for a Son to get married especially when he had
lost his father just a month before his wedding? Anyways
everything said and
done..I made a fresh start!
But the pain of loosing my dad was still pinching me deep in my heart
I
always used to feel guilty whenever I slept with my wife
In my dreams I used to
see my Mom crying and see the dead body of my father! I had no clue whats there
in store for me and I could see my future in the dark
. I went into depression
and our relatives advised my Mom to take me to a psychiatrist as only he could
pull me out of the mental stress and trauma that I was suffering through
I was
under medication for 3-4 months
Used to take 6 pills a day and sleep for 12
hours a day
it started affecting my career
I could not concentrate on my work
it also started affecting my health
My testosterone levels went down, my
haemoglobin/ RBC levels went down
and my mind become slow and Iess responsive
to the outside world! I realized that my psychiatrist had given me overdose of
the pills which would cause imbalance of the chemical compounds in the human
brain so that it became less responsive
If I had
continued with those pills for even a month longer then it would have
definitely killed me to death
one fine day, while alone
I cried and screamed
loudly and begged Lord Ganesha to help me come out of this situation as I knew
my wife wouldnt take care of my Mom and she had only intentions to grab my
money and property! I spent many nights just by watching the ceiling from my
bed
and by looking at the rotating fan!!!! It took me 1 year to come back to
normal and focus on my career again
I went to UK for my official work. and soon
I realized that my wife had started withdrawing cash from my bank accounts,
valuables from my safety locker and give it to her parents
.I caught her red
handed many a times but always took it lightly as I didnt want my mom to know
about it.and loose her health again.
I had already lost my dad
and didnt want to loose my Mom now! Another year
passed. I changed my job and I went to Switzerland for my official work
again
.I used to call my Mom everyday and check whether she was keeping well,
eating properly and taking care of her health or not
..One fine day my elder
sister gathered courage to call me from our native place where she lived and
told me that my wife used to abuse my mom always and not leave a single chance
to umiliate her
and my Mom used to weep for days and for days
my wife also put
my granny (My Moms Mom) forcibly into VRIDHHASHRAMA without our consent
I
left my job halfway and returned back to India
I brought my granny back home
from VRIDHHASHRAMA..upon which my wife got upset.. I realized that it was high
time to take strong action against her and expel her from my life. I had big
arguments with my wife and ultimately I asked her to leave my house
she
started staying with her parents
soon after that my granny
passed away and now only me and my Mom were left in my new..fully furnished
flat which I had purchased with lots of dreams and high hopes!!! We started
staying separate since March 2005
We filed out divorce petition in August 2006
and TODAY by the grace of God the court has approved the order of my divorce
petition..and now I am completely free
I paid my wife the sum of Rs.10 Lacs as
alimony, jewellery worth Rs.3 Lacs, along with all the items that were gifted
to me during my wedding
. While engaged in a wedlock I never thought of
sleeping with a guy as I had committed myself to her and I personally believed
in loyalty and maintaining a faithful relationship
but what did I gain in
return? During last 5-6 years I literally lost the entire charm of my life..I
lost my hair
I put on weight and started looking older than what I am
today
(just 31)
Now I swear by God that I would never marry again and even I would then it
would be with sole intention of having a lifetime made servant for me, who
would serve me until my last breath!
Anyways
that was really a lengthy mail
.but I thank all of you for coming
forward and giving me advise n helping hand when I was low
some of you even
gave me valuable tips which helped me fight my legal battle!
Now I am working as a Sr.Project Manager in one of the IT firms, and have
started going to the gym again to stay fit and look sexy again. So again wish
me good luck so that I gear up to add charm to my personality again!
I love you all!
With regards,
Rahul
>
>
><[EMAIL PROTECTED]> Sat Mar 11, 2006 10:07 am
>
>Dear Friends,
Good Morning!
From today onwards I will be entering the toughest phase of my life and it
would definitely have some, either stronger or lighter, impact on my personal
life, physical health and mental peace!
I am bit nervous and scared of the repercussions and still see no clue of
whats gonna happen next in the darkness ahead.
I am so nervous that I can not share this personal thing with you all, at this
point of time, and some of you who know me very well, know what I am going
through.
I am writing this email because there is no one close to me other than the
group members, and I find this group like my family when I am low, disheartened
and disappointed.
I would definitely share my experience with everyone, the moment the tough
part is over, but to overcome this challenge I need your best wishes, blessings
and moral support.
I would continue to lead my normal life but from within I would always be
worried, scared and broken.
Please pray for me to your God, Allah, Bhagvan everyone and wish that I come
out winning with flying colours!
I need your support.
With Luv,
Yours sincerely,
Walnut
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