Sunday, February 10, 2008 3:39:00 AM ** 'Mumbai is my oxygen' *Praful Baweja talks about life as a gay in the metropolis*
I am a gay man, and my wardrobe has only one pink shirt. I don't wear flowery patterns or talk home décor with my female colleagues, or tell them "You should wear red, it looks so darling on you." I dress in boring browns and blacks, and don't feel the need to colour my hair blonde and get regular manicures just to conform to what people feel a gay man should look like. Straight men think gay guys will settle for anything. Big myth. You walk into a room and you can see the straight guy thinking — 'Uh oh, I'm going to get molested', as if he's some sort of irresistible magnet. In fact, I think gay men are more discriminating than women, maybe because being men ourselves, we know what to avoid. At home, my parents were initially not really aware of my sexuality. I got all my support from my sister. Once I was supposed to be on a chat show on TV, talking about homosexuality. The whole time, my sister and I were fervently hoping that my parents wouldn't understand what it was about, and how to respond if my family asked questions. In situations where even my friends have gotten scared and backed out, she has stood by me completely. To me, this is a sign of changing times and increasing support. Mumbai is my oxygen. I cannot fathom and would not prefer my life any other way and any other place. Today in Mumbai's offices no one really cares what their colleague does in bed as long as he / she is getting their work done. I have gone on overnight picnics and slept in the same bed with my colleagues without any eyebrows being raised. You do have to deal with some pretty nosy questions, though. Like men who want to know "Who is the woman in the relationship." Actually, there isn't one. It's just two men. That's really hard for them to understand, somehow. There's this huge curiosity amongst straight men about what gay men actually do. It's amusing, but I don't see why I should satisfy it. Only this city gives you the freedom to pick your sexual position with complete freedom. In other places, you have to be either in or out. Here, you can be curious, experimenting, fence sitting, swinging on one side, or both sides or just pretending. It is a true metropolis, where everyone finds a place. When incidents like the recent police raid [at a private party in Thane] occur, the reaction from part of the community is panic. After the raid, I got dozens of freaked out SMS's from friends. I finally had to tell them to stop being such chickens. Spreading this kind of fear isn't really responsible, as it may discourage others from coming out. For me, the only way to deal with such situations is to arm myself with information. I stay in touch with networks and social forums. I've put Article 377 on my Google alerts. I make sure I know my rights and can ask the right questions if I'm ever bothered. I do all this so I don't have to live in fear. Right now the city has no special gay joints or spaces, because of the law. Once Article 377 is changed, I am sure the city will boom with gay hang-out clubs and joints, which will be throbbing with people. Advertisers will be chasing this market. There will be coffee shops and non-sleazy bars where we can just chill and be ourselves. Mumbai, will be perfect, then. *Praful Baweja is a scriptwriter and an event consultant. He blogs at pinkindiancurries.blogspot.com.* -- www.gaybombay.in www.gaybombay.info
