Urmi Jadhav and R Urmi, a transgender, talks about the problems the couple will face when they come out to their family
R has the silhouette of Michael Jackson tattooed on his arm; his girlfriend Urmi Jadhav, a male-to-female transgender activist, is one of the founder-members of the queer performance collective Dancing Queens. Several superficial differences divide the two – he is a 20-year-old student in Lonavala, she is a “tees se aage” (past 30) research consultant with Humsafar Trust; he is quiet and blushes easy, she is articulate and demonstrative – but they are united by a love for entertainment. During the short while that we met them at Jadhav’s “one by one” room, perched on the first floor of a chawl just off Police Colony in Mahim, the television was tuned in to a music channel – the low hum punctuated by a passing train every few minutes. The tracks that Jadhav’s pad overlook, are the latitude and longitude along which their relationship is co-ordinated: the passing trains help fill up tense gaps when the conversation veers to the uncharted future. But they also bring R (who didn’t wish to be identified) down from Lonavala every few weeks, though in his own opinion, not often enough. To make up for the lack of physical presence, the two stay in touch online, which is how they met in the first place. Volunteering at the Kashish-Mumbai International Queer Film Festival in May 2012, R was smitten at first sight. “I saw her at a preevent meeting, and I had *that *feeling,” he said. “I was like, ‘Wow!’” He added her on Facebook the next day, put up with her gibes for a while, and finally mustered the courage to ask her out. Since then, the two have found a cosy spot under a carved tree on Juhu Chowpatty to frequent, when they are not dancing or eating out. “Other times, we watch movies,” said R. “She likes jadoo-wali (fantasy) films.” The films and old Bollywood music help dilute some of the anxiety the two feel about their future together. R is keen to tell his family, who believe Jadhav is his friend, about their intimate relationship; Jadhav is unequivocal in her opposition, and wants him to complete his studies and be financially independent. “His family, like several others, is a little conservative,” she said. “Love is fine, but I don’t want his studies to get affected. Agar humko oonchee udaan leni hai, toh humein chaar kadam peeche aana padta hai [We have to pause before we take flight].” R’s sanguinity is a fine counterpoint to Jadhav’s maturity. But he’ll bow to her woman-of- the-world judgment in the affair. As he said – pausing for the train to trundle past – “I just want her to love me.” -- *Email: modera...@gaybombay.in E Groups: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/gay_bombay http://groups.google.com/group/Gaybombay http://groups.google.com/group/GayIndia Public archives at http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay%40yahoogroups.com/maillist.html Rss feed: http://www.mail-archive.com/gay_bombay@yahoogroups.com/maillist.xml GB Internet Radio at http://www.gaybombay.in/gbradio Web Sites: www.gaybombay.in www.gayindia.org Orkut: http://www.orkut.co.in/Main#Profile?uid=15084918632470824129 Blogs: http://gaybombay.blogspot.com http://gaybombay.wordpress.com Twitter: http://twitter.com/gaybombay http://twitter.com/gayindia Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/gaybombay http://www.facebook.com/gayindia*
