Dear Ben Campbell,
Thank you for carefully reviewing the draft.
Please find inline replies.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Ben Campbell" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "General Area Review Team" <[email protected]>
Cc: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL
PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>; <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>;
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Tuesday, December 11, 2007 2:31 AM
Subject: Gen-ART Review of draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03
>
> I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
> reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
> http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
>
> Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
> you may receive.
>
>
> Document: draft-ietf-16ng-ps-goals-03
> Reviewer: Ben Campbell
> Review Date: 10 December 2007
> IETF LC End Date: 10 December 2007
> IESG Telechat date: (if known)
>
> Summary:
>
> This document is almost ready for publication as an informational RFC.
> There are some editorial nits that should be addressed prior to
> publication.
>
> Comments:
>
> General: There are many occurrences of missing articles ("a", "an", or
> "the") or the occasional use of an article where it does not belong.
> While I assume that the RFC editors will fix these, it would same them
> some work if you did an additional proofreading pass for this sort of
> thing.
Yes, additional proofreading will be done ASAP and the next revision will apply
the correction.
>
> Terminology Section, Definition of "Ethernet CS":
>
> It would be helpful to have a reference for 802.16 STD.
That part will be amended that part like below:
Ethernet CS: It means 802.3/Ethernet CS specific part of the Packet CS defined
in [IEEE802.16].
IP CS terminology will also reference [IEEE802.16].
>
> Section 4.1, paragraph 7: "In the first point-to-point link model..."
>
> I think you mean to refer to the first model in the preceding list,
> which is the point-to-point link model. The wording sounds like you
> mean the first of a set of point-to-point link models, which is
> incorrect. I suggest just dropping the word "first".
Right!
Let me drop that word.
> A similar issue occurs in paragraph 9 ("In the second Ethernet like
> link model...") and 11 ("The last shared IPv6 prefix link model")
Let me drop the 'second' and 'last' in them.
> Section 4.1, paragraph 9: "There needs mechanisms ..."
>
> It looks like some words are missing from this sentence.
Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: There needs mechanisms like IEEE 802.1D to realize multicast and
broadcast for Ethernet CS.
- To: Therefore, we need a mechanism like 802.1D to realize multicast and
broadcast.
>
>
> Section 4.1, paragraph 10, starting with "Moreover, the frequent IP
> multicast..."
>
> I had trouble parsing this paragraph in general. Also, Is "IP subnet
> like ethernet" the same as "Ethernet like link model"?
Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: Moreover, the frequent IP multicast and broadcast signaling within the
IP subnet like Ethernet needs to be avoided not to wake up sleep/idle
[IEEE802.16e] SSs.
- To: Moreover, the frequent IP multicast and broadcast signaling should be
avoided not to wake up sleep/idle [IEEE802.16e] SSs.
>
> Section 4.1, last paragraph:
>
> "According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the Point-
> to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model for IP CS under
> considering the multilink subnet problems. "
>
> I cannot parse this sentence--please rephrase.
Let me try to apply the following change:
- From: According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the
Point-to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model for IP CS under
considering the multilink subnet problems.
- To: According to the point-to-point feature of 802.16's MAC, the
Point-to-Point link model is the feasible IP Subnet model in case of the IP CS.
> Thanks!
>
> Ben Campbell.
>
Best Regards,
Junghoon_______________________________________________
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