I have been selected as the General Area Review Team (Gen-ART)
reviewer for this draft (for background on Gen-ART, please see
http://www.alvestrand.no/ietf/gen/art/gen-art-FAQ.html).
Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments
you may receive.
Document: draft-ietf-nsis-ext-06.txt
Reviewer: Miguel Garcia <[email protected]>
Review Date: 30-March-2010
IETF LC End Date: 31-March-2010
Summary: The document is ready for publication as an Informational RFC.
Nits/editorial comments:
The document is well written, and I bet the community highly appreciates
this kind of documents. I have a couple of minor comments and nits.
- The texs in Section 8.2 reads:
In these subsections, references to document sections refer
to the GIST specification [I-D.ietf-nsis-ntlp].
I must say that I do not get the point. Sections 8.2.1, 8.2.2, and so on,
make reference to Section x, and Section, and the reader has to add "of
the GIST specification [ref]". This makes the subsections not self
contained. Besides, as a reader, I need to have a clear understanding
whether I have finished reading Section 8.2 and its subsections, because
they have this implicit references to the GIST specification, or make
sure that I am outside Section 8.2 where the explicit references are back.
I _highly_ recommend the authors to use a few more words and make
explicit references to a document, which means reference in subsections
of Section 8.2 would read "See Section 3.8 of the GIST specification [ref]".
- I encourage the authors to review the number of the sections pointed in
the GIST specification. I think some of the might have changed. For
example, in Section 8.2.1 of this draft, the text in the first paragraph
says:
Currently only two message routing methods are supported (Path-
coupled MRM and Loose-End MRM), but further MRMs may be defined in
the future. See Section 3.8. One possible additional MRM under
Section 3.8 of the GIST specification deals with signaling applications,
which I believe is not what you want to refer to. I think the reference
should be towards Section 3.3.
- Section 1, last paragraph, the sentence has double verb and makes no
senses:
This document gives an overview of the NSIS framework and protocol
suite is at the time of writing (2009)
^^^^
Probably it should read:
This document gives an overview of the NSIS framework and protocol
suite at the time of writing (2009)
- Section 4, collection of bullet points, 5th bullet point. The text reads:
o Session binding, session X can be valid only if session Y is too
Probably the word "valid" is missing:
o Session binding, session X can be valid only if session Y is valid too
/Miguel
--
Miguel A. Garcia
+34-91-339-3608
Ericsson Spain
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