Hi Kathleen, Thanks for the review. See inline Roni > -----Original Message----- > From: [email protected] [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf > Of Moriarty, Kathleen > Sent: 19 September, 2013 6:44 PM > To: [email protected]; [email protected]; > [email protected] > Cc: [email protected]; [email protected]; > [email protected]; [email protected] > Subject: [Gen-art] Gen-art review of draft-ietf-clue-telepresence-use-cases-07 > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, > please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > Please resolve these comments along with any other Last Call comments you > may receive. > > Document: draft-ietf-clue-telepresence-use-cases-07 > Reviewer: Kathleen Moriarty > Review Date: 9-19-13 > IETF LC End Date: 9-26-13 > IESG Telechat date: (if known) > > Summary: The draft is ready with nits to resolve. > > Major issues: > > Minor issues: > > Nits/editorial comments: > End of first paragraph on page 4 (section 2), change - to , > This state of affairs > is not acceptable for the continued growth of telepresence - > telepresence systems should have the same ease of interoperability as > do telephones. [Roni Even] this paragraph is duplicated, appears also in section 1. So I deleted it from here and reference section 1 and made the change is section 1. > > Last paragraph in section 2, first sentence. Consider correcting the > punctuation, changing from: > The receiving device that decides how to render incoming information > needs to understand a number of variables such as the spatial > position of the speaker, the field of view of the cameras; the camera > zoom; which media stream is related to each of the screens; etc. > To: > The receiving device that decides how to render incoming information > needs to understand a number of variables such as the spatial > position of the speaker, the field of view of the cameras, the camera > zoom, which media stream is related to each of the screens, etc. > [Roni Even] OK
> End of section 3, consider changing from "on one site" to "at one site". I would > use on if I were referring to one side of the virtual table and '"at" for a location. > Likewise, if a participant on one > site gestures to a participant on the other site, all > participants observe the gesture itself and the participants it > includes. > > This phrase is used in the rest of section 3, consider changing it. Section 3.3 > switches back to use "at a site". [Roni Even] OK > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > [email protected] > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
