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Document: draft-ietf-pwe3-dynamic-ms-pw-19
Reviewer: Christer Holmberg
Review Date: 24 November 2013
IETF LC End Date: 27 November 2013
IETF Telechat Date: N/A
Summary: The document is well written, but there are some minor editorial nits
that the authors may want to consider addressing before publication.
Major Issues: None
Minor Issues: None
Editorial nits:
Abstract:
-----------
Q_A_1:
The first sentence says:
"There is a requirement for service providers to be able to extend the
reach of pseudowires (PW) across multiple Packet Switched Network
domains."
I would suggest to replace that with the sentence you are using later in the
Introduction:
"RFC 5254 describes the service provider requirements for extending
the reach of pseudowires across multiple Packet Switched Network
(PSN) domains."
...assuming, of course, that you are referring to the requirements in 5254 :)
Section 1:
------------
Q_1_1:
In the text, and in Figure 1, you use "CE" and "PE" terminology, but they are
nowhere extended (e.g. on first occurance). In addition, "CE" is not defined in
the document, and it is unclear whether the definition exists in some other
document.
Q_1_2:
Should MPLS be extended on first occurance?
Q_1_3:
Should there be a reference to MPLS?
Q_1_4:
There is text saying "Attachment Identifier (AII)" and later in the document
(section 3.2) "Attachment Identifier (AI)". Please make sure that both "AII"
and "AI" are correctly extended (e.g. on first occurance).
Section 2:
------------
Q_2_1:
I suggest to say "This document describes..." rather than "In this document we
describe...".
Q_2_2:
Should "LDP" and/or "TLV" be extended on first occurance?
Section 4:
------------
Q_4_1:
Should there be a reference for "Target Attachment Individual Identifier
(TAII)"?
Q_4_2:
I would suggest to not use roman numbers in the bullet list in 4.2.3. It will
become unclear if you need to reference (in a document, or elsewhere) a
specific bullet in the list.
Section 5.1:
--------------
Q_5_1:
I think it would be useful to have a reference, and perhaps an example, or what
is meant by "PSN mechanisms".
Q_5_2:
See Q_4_2 regarding usage of roman numbers.
Section 6:
------------
Q_6_1:
There is a sentence saying:
"However, note that the length MUST be set to 14."
As the sentence contains a MUST, I would suggest to make the sentence more
stronger, and remove "note". Perhaps simply something like:
"The length value MUST be set to 14."
Section 7:
------------
Q_7_1:
The text indicates that the existing protocols may have security issues, but
that they are not affected by this document. When I read it, it sounds like you
are not very sure whether there are security issues, but you still know that
they are not affected :)
I would suggest to re-word the second sentence to something like:
"The extensions defined in this document do not affect the security issues
associated with those protocols."
Section 8:
------------
Q_8_1:
In section 8.1, s/"IANA needs to"/"IANA is requested to"
Q_8_2:
In section 8.2, s/"The IANA is requested to"/"IANA is requested to"
Section 10:
--------------
Q_10_1:
I would suggest to move the paragraph to the beginning of section 11. Something
like:
"11. Acknowledgements
The editors gratefully acknowledge the following additional co-
authors of this document: Mustapha Aissaoui, Nabil Bitar, Mike Loomis,
David McDysan,
Chris Metz, Andy Malis, Jason Rusmeisel, Himanshu Shah, Jeff
Sugimoto.
The editors also gratefully acknowledge the input of the following
people: Mike Duckett, Paul Doolan, Prayson Pate, Ping Pan, Vasile
Radoaca, Yeongil Seo, Yetik Serbest, Yuichiro Wada."
Regards,
Christer
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