Thank you very much for your review, Christer. I think I agree with the suggested edits. Eliot, over to you.
Jari On 09 Dec 2014, at 13:50, Christer Holmberg <christer.holmb...@ericsson.com> wrote: > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. For background on Gen-ART, > please see the FAQ at > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq> > > Document: draft-ietf-ianaplan-icg-response-06.txt > > Reviewer: Christer Holmberg > > Review Date: 9 December 2014 > > IETF LC End Date: 15 December 2014 > > IETF Telechat Date: 18 December 2014 > > Summary: The document is well written, and almost ready. > I do have a few editorial comments on the Abstract and Introduction, and a > general editorial comment. > > Major Issues: None > > Minor Issues: None > > Editorial nits: > > > General: > ---------- > > Q_1: > > In Section 2, the IETF reply text sometimes uses "we" to refer to IETF. > I think it would be good to say "IETF". > > For example: > > "We consider .ARPA part" -> "IETF considers .ARPA part" > "...few cases where we may further..." -> "...few cases where > IETF may further..." > > Etc. > > This may not be seen needed when reading the draft, but it will be > useful if e.g. the IETF reply text is quoted elsewhere. > > > Abstract: > ------------ > > Q_2: > > I think it would be good if the Abstract also would indicate that the > LS was primarily sent to ICANN. Currently the text only says that an LS was > sent somewhere, and that IETF was invited to reply. > > Q_3: > > The last sentence of the Abstract says: "The IETF community is invited > to comment and propose changes to this document." > > It is unclear what "this document" refers to. If it refers to the > aggregate proposal mentioned earlier, I think that should be more clear. > > > Introduction: > --------------- > > Q_4: > > In the 1st paragraph, I think it would be good to indicate that IETF > was invited to reply to the LS. > >
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