Hi, Thank you Thomas for considering the changes. Only point, at first read it was not clear in abstract that only RELOAD was being extended (from a general reader perspective), although the Intro clarifies this.
Best, Meral > -----Original Message----- > From: Thomas C. Schmidt [mailto:[email protected]] > Sent: Thursday, April 07, 2016 12:51 PM > To: Meral Shirazipour; [email protected]; > [email protected] > Subject: Re: Gen-ART Last Call review of draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17 > > Dear Meral, > > many thanks for your review. Please see comments inline. > > On 06.04.2016 21:38, Meral Shirazipour wrote: > > I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area > > Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed by > > the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just like > > any other last call comments. > > > > For more information, please see the FAQ at > > <http://wiki.tools.ietf.org/area/gen/trac/wiki/GenArtfaq>. > > > > Document: draft-ietf-p2psip-sip-17 > > > > Reviewer: Meral Shirazipour > > > > Review Date: 2016-04-06 > > > > IETF LC End Date: 2016-04-06 > > > > IESG Telechat date: 2016-04-21 > > > > Summary: > > > > This draft is ready to be published as Standards Track RFC but I have > > some comments. > > > > Major issues: > > > > Minor issues: > > > > Nits/editorial comments: > > > > -[Page 1] Abstract: some suggestions for clarity: > > > > -After "(RELOAD)" it would be clearer to add [rfc6940]. > > This is a matter of style, I suppose: In the old school, we were told not to > place refs in an abstract ;) Reload is referenced in the first sentence of the > intro. > > > > > -"Uris"---->"URIs" > > > > Thanks, fixed. > > > -"the AppAttach method"---->"the RELOAD AppAttach method" > > > > Thanks, fixed. > > > I find the first paragraph of the Introduction more suitable for > > abstract text. > > > > The abstract should clarify which protocols are being extended here SIP, > > RELOAD, both. > > > > Actually, the first sentence of the abstract reads > > "This document defines a SIP Usage for REsource LOcation And Discovery > (RELOAD)." > > This is exactly what this document does: It extends RELOAD by a new > Usage (an application-specific extension in the language of RELOAD). It > does nothing to SIP and does not claim to do so. > > > -[Page 4], "ICE" to be spelled out at first use. > > Thanks, fixed. > > > > -[Page 7], "PDU" to be spelled out at first use. > > > > -[Page 12], "either SIP scheme"--->"either SIP schemes" > > > Thanks, fixed. > > > -[Page 13], "Uris"---->"URIs" > > > > Thanks, fixed. > > > -[Page 13], "gr URI"--->" "gr" URI " > > > > Thanks, changed. > > > -[Page 18], ietf-p2psip-share ref to be updated to latest > > > > Yes, will be automatic. > > Thanks again, we will submit a sanitized version asap. > > Best, > Thomas > > > -- > > Prof. Dr. Thomas C. Schmidt > ° Hamburg University of Applied Sciences Berliner Tor 7 ° > ° Dept. Informatik, Internet Technologies Group 20099 Hamburg, Germany ° > ° http://www.haw-hamburg.de/inet Fon: +49-40-42875-8452 ° > ° http://www.informatik.haw-hamburg.de/~schmidt Fax: +49-40-42875-8409 > ° _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
