Peter, thank you for your review. Jiazi, thanks for incorporating the feedback. I have ballotted no-objection.
Alissa > On May 9, 2017, at 3:56 PM, Jiazi Yi <[email protected]> wrote: > > Dear Peter, > > Thanks very much for the detailed comments. > We have updated the draft and will make a new submission soon. > > cheers > > Jiazi > >> On 5 May 2017, at 05:34, Peter Yee <[email protected]> wrote: >> >> Reviewer: Peter Yee >> Review result: Ready with Nits >> >> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area >> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed >> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just >> like any other last call comments. >> >> For more information, please see the FAQ at >> >> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. >> >> Document: draft-ietf-manet-olsrv2-multipath-12 >> Reviewer: Peter Yee >> Review Date: 2017-05-04 >> IETF LC End Date: 2017-05-04 >> IESG Telechat date: 2017-05-11 >> >> Summary: This Experimental draft is ready with nits. The draft >> specifies an interoperable, multipath extension to OLSRv2. Other than >> the nits, I find the draft to be a fine experiment to help determine >> how well OLSRv2 can be improved by allowing multiple, disjoint paths >> between nodes. >> >> Major issues: None >> >> Minor issues: None >> >> Nits/editorial comments: >> >> General: >> >> I'd suggesting changing occurrences of "multi-path" to "multipath" for >> consistency with prior works, including the primary work by the same >> authors [ADHOC11]. >> >> Consider changing "Multi-path Dijkstra Algorithm" to "multipath >> Dijkstra's algorithm". In any case, use the name consistently - it >> varies throughout the document. >> >> Change "Round-Robin" (and variations in capitalization) to >> "round-robin" throughout the document. >> >> Stick to one capitalization form for "MP-OLSRv2 Routing Process". >> >> Section 10 was not reviewed because it contains RFC Editor >> instructions to delete it. >> >> Specific: >> >> Page 3, section 1, 2nd paragraph, last sentence: append a comma after >> "reliability". >> >> Page 3, section 1, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: delete the leading >> "The". Insert "the "before "Multi-path Dijkstra". [See general >> comment about hyphenating multi-path]. >> >> Page, section 1.1, 4th bullet item: delete the second "the". >> >> Page 4, 1st full paragraph, 2nd sentence: change "Standard" to >> "Standards". Delete comma after "Track". >> >> Page 4, 2nd bullet item, 3rd sentence: change "setting" to "applying". >> (This is an aesthetics comment - take it or leave it.) >> >> Page 4, 4th bullet item, 3rd sentence: expand acronym "MPR" on first >> usage and in general do so for all acronyms that would not be >> immediately obvious to a large audience. >> >> Page 4, 5th bullet item, 4th sentence: delete "the" before "loose". >> >> Page 4, 6th bullet, 3rd sentence: append "parts" after "following". >> >> Page 6, section 3, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete both commas. >> >> Page 6, section 3, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "the" before >> "information". Insert "a" before "DiffServ". Change "Code Point" to >> codepoint. [RFC 2474 only refers to these a "Code Point" in specific >> names, but otherwise uses the generic form "codepoint". >> >> Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "a" before >> "new". >> >> Page 6, section 3, 3rd paragraph, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before >> "loose". >> >> Page 7, section 4, 3rd bullet item: insert "the" before "shortest". >> >> Page 8, partial paragraph at top: change "as" to "using the". >> >> Page 8, section 5.1, SR_TC_INTERVAL definition: change "a" to "an". >> >> Page 8, section 5.1, SR_HOLD_TIME_MULTIPLIER definition: change >> "minimal" to "minimum". Change "a" to "an" unless that acronym is >> spoken like a word and not spelled out. >> >> Page 8, section 6, 2nd sentence: delete comma after "datagram". >> >> Page 9, section 6.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "MP-OLSRv2". >> >> Page 9, section 6.1.1, 1st paragraph, 1st sentence: change >> "signalling" to "signaling". [Other words in the document tend to >> suggest that the American spellings are being used rather than British >> forms.] >> >> Page 9, section 6.2.1, 1st sentence: insert "the" before "loose". >> >> Page 10, section 7.1, 1st paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete the comma. >> Insert "the" before each of "MP-OLSRv2" and "OLSRv2". >> >> Page 11, section 8, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "topology". >> >> Page 11, section 8, 3rd sentence: change "between" to "from the". >> >> Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before >> "SR_TC_INTERVAL". >> >> Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 3rd sentence: delete "The". >> >> Page 11, section 8.1, 2nd paragraph, 5th sentence: insert "the" before >> "SOURCE_ROUTE TLV". >> >> Page 12, section 8.3, 1st bullet item: change "possiblity" to >> "possibility". >> >> Page 12, section 8.3, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: perhaps change >> "Or else" to "Otherwise". >> >> Page 12, section 8.4, 1st paragraph: insert "a" before "DiffServ". >> Change "Code Point" to "codepoint". >> >> Page 13, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2". >> >> Page 13, 3rd paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "format". >> >> Page 13, the paragraph: insert "the" before "following". >> >> Page 13, last paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before "outer" and >> "source". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 1st paragraph after the 1st set of bullet >> items: insert "the" before "SR-OLSRv2". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet >> items, 3rd sentence: insert "the" before "OLSRv2". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet >> items, 4th sentence: change "much" to "many". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 3rd paragraph after the 1st set of bullet >> items: shouldn't this be up to "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" rather than always >> "NUMBER_OF_PATHS" paths that are created? Meaning that it's possible >> the algorithm will not have sufficient disjoint paths to choose from >> in some (probably degenerate) cases? Delete the second comma in the >> sentence. >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 1st >> sentence: change "A" to "An". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.1, 2nd set of bullet items, 2nd bullet item, 2nd >> sentence: insert "the" before "Multi-path". >> >> Page 14, section 8.5.2, 1st sentence: insert "the" before >> "Multi-path". >> >> Page 15, 1st full paragraph, 1st sentence: change the second >> occurrence of "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's". >> >> Page 15, 2nd bullet item, 2nd sentence: change "is" to "does". >> >> Page 15, 1st paragraph after bullet items, 3rd sentence: change >> "vetex" to "vertex". >> >> Page 15, 1st paragraph after figure, 2nd sentence: change "of" to >> "for". >> >> Page 16, 1st sentence: change "Dijkstra" to "Dijkstra's". >> >> Page 16, 1st paragraph after numbered list: insert "the" before >> "Multi-path". >> >> Page 16, section 8.6, 1st paragraph, last sentence: insert "whether" >> before "the set". >> >> Page 16, section 9, 1st sentence: change "guideline" to "guidelines". >> >> Page 16, section 9, 2nd sentence: delete the comma after "certain". >> >> Page 17, "if id<fe<fp" bullet item: would it make more sense to use "a >> greater" instead of "more"? >> >> Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 1st sentence: change "Process" to >> "Processes". >> >> Page 19, section 11, 2nd paragraph, 2nd sentence: delete "be". >> >> Page 19, section 11, 3rd paragraph: append "with" after "As". >> >> Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 1st sentence: insert "The" before >> "MP-OLSRv2". >> >> Page 19, section 11, 4th paragraph, 2nd sentence: insert "the" before >> "source". >> >> Page 20, 1st paragraph, 4th sentence: should "ancient" be "the >> oldest"? >> >> Page 20, 1st paragraph, 5th sentence: delete comma after "that". >> Insert "a" before "large". Maybe change "initiates" to "sends". >> Delete the comma after "which". >> >> Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 1st sentence: insert "the" >> before "name". Change "name" to "names". >> >> Page 24, 1st paragraph after Figure 2, 2nd sentence: change >> "parenthesis" to "parentheses". >> >> Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 2, 3rd sentence: while I >> understand "punishment", that term hasn't been used previously and >> might be confusing. A variant occurs elsewhere in the document. >> Consider explaining what you mean by punishment. >> >> Page 24, 2nd paragraph after Figure 3, 1st sentence: change "path" to >> "paths". Append "in order" after "paths". >> >> Page 24, 3rd paragraph after Figure 3, 2nd sentence: change >> "undesired" to "undesirable". >> >> _______________________________________________ >> manet mailing list >> [email protected] >> https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/manet > > > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > [email protected] > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
