Francis, thanks for your review. Brian, thanks for your response. I have entered a No Objection ballot.
Personally I think the usage of “may” in Section 2 is fine. Alissa > On Oct 9, 2017, at 8:25 PM, Brian Weis (bew) <[email protected]> wrote: > > Hi Francis, > > Thanks for your review. I’ve addressed the nits as you’ve suggest, although > there are a couple of notes inline. > >> On Oct 9, 2017, at 6:32 AM, Francis Dupont <[email protected]> wrote: >> >> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area >> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed >> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just >> like any other last call comments. >> >> For more information, please see the FAQ at >> >> <https://trac.ietf.org/trac/gen/wiki/GenArtfaq>. >> >> Document: draft-ietf-sidrops-bgpsec-rollover-02.txt >> Reviewer: Francis Dupont >> Review Date: 20171007 >> IETF LC End Date: 20171017 >> IESG Telechat date: unknown >> >> Summary: Ready >> >> Major issues: None >> >> Minor issues: None >> >> Nits/editorial comments: >> IMHO the language itself needs some improvements. Unfortunately I am not >> a native English writer so I can only be a limited help... >> >> - Abstract page 1: bad wording in >> "... certificates BGPsec router certificates" >> >> - Abstract page 1: Normal -> normal >> >> - Abstract page 1: "creating" does not fit in grammar. Perhaps >> "which create”? > > BEW: I’ve made this much simpler and removed “create” altogether: > > “The rollover must be carefully managed in order to synchronize the > distribution of router public keys with BGPsec Update messages > verified with those router public keys." > >> >> - Abstract page 1: I suggest accomplished -> performed >> (this point is typical of why a native English writer will really help) >> >> - ToC page 2 and 4/4.2 page 7: titles of 4 and 4.2 are too close > > BEW: I’m not sure what I can do here, and looking at the .txt file I don’t > see the spacing issue. I’ve used xml2rfc, which chooses the way titles are > spaced. Can you clarify? >> >> - ToC page 2 and 7 page 9: Acknowledgements -> Acknowledgments >> >> - 2 page 2: I suggest >> the local policies of a network. -> the local policies of network. > > BEW: How about "This process will need to happen at regular intervals, > normally due to policies of the local network.”? > >> >> - 2 page 3: as the 2119 lowe case keyword issue is now solved you may >> use "may" as in "documents may reference" but perhaps with an upgrade >> to the standard 2119 reference text. I am asking to the gen-art what >> to do (and I expect to get an answer before the LC). > > BEW: Thanks, will wait for guidance. > > Thanks, > Brian > >> >> - 2 page 3, 3.1 and 4 page 6: >> roll-over -> rollover (i.e. keep one spelling) >> >> - 4.2 page 7: i.e. -> i.e., >> >> Regards >> >> [email protected] > > -- > Brian Weis > Security, CSG, Cisco Systems > Telephone: +1 408 526 4796 > Email: [email protected] > > _______________________________________________ > Gen-art mailing list > [email protected] > https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art _______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
