This looks good to me. Please submit a new revision when you are ready. Since these changes look minor and not likely to be controversial, I am going to go ahead and create a ballot for this. It will likely end up on the 10 January telechat.
Thanks! Ben. > On Dec 21, 2018, at 2:50 AM, Christer Holmberg > <[email protected]> wrote: > > Hi, > > Based on the gen-art comments from Stewart, I have created a pull request for > the suggested changes. > > https://github.com/cdh4u/draft-sip-push/pull/31 > <https://github.com/cdh4u/draft-sip-push/pull/31> > > Regards, > > Christer > > From: Christer Holmberg <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>> > Date: Thursday, 20 December 2018 at 17.37 > To: Stewart Bryant <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, "[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>" <[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>> > Cc: "[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>" <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, "[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>" > <[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>>, > "[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>" > <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>> > Subject: Re: [Gen-art] Genart last call review of > draft-ietf-sipcore-sip-push-21 > Resent-From: <[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>> > Resent-To: Christer Holmberg <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, "A. Mahoney" <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, Brian Rosen <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, Ben Campbell <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, "[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>" > <[email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>>, <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>>, Brian Rosen <[email protected] > <mailto:[email protected]>> > Resent-Date: Thursday, 20 December 2018 at 17.37 > > Hi Stewart, > > Thank You for the review! Please see inline. > > >Summary: A well written document with some minor points that could use a > >little > >attention. > > > >Major issues: None > > > >Minor issues: > > > >In Figure 1 the following is included: > > > > REGISTER sip:[email protected] <sip:[email protected]> SIP/2.0 > > Via: SIP/2.0/TCP alicemobile.example.com:5060 > > <http://alicemobile.example.com:5060/>;branch=z9hG4bKnashds7 > > Max-Forwards: 70 > > To: Alice <sip:[email protected] <sip:[email protected]>> > > From: Alice <sip:[email protected] <sip:[email protected]>>;tag=456248 > > Call-ID: 843817637684230@998sdasdh09 > > CSeq: 1826 REGISTER > > Contact: <sip:[email protected] > > <sip:[email protected]>; > > pn-provider=acme; > > pn-param=acme-param; > > pn-prid=ZTY4ZDJlMzODE1NmUgKi0K> > > Expires: 7200 > > Content-Length: 0 > > > > SB> However I don't at this stage of the text see the relationship between > > the > > SB> packet flow digram and the text that follows. > > I could add the following: > > “Below is an example of a SIP REGISTER request in Figure 1.” > > ========= > > > Contact: IESG ([email protected] <mailto:[email protected]>) > > > > SB> Is the whole IESG the most appropriate first point of contact? > > That is what I was told :) > > Note that I have used it also for other documents. > > ========= > > >Nits/editorial comments: > >Presumably the references to RFC XXXX will be replaced by RFC <this RFC> but > >that does not seem to be noted in the text > > I will add a note to the RFC editor about that. > > “[RFC EDITOR NOTE: Please replace RFCXXXX with the RFC number of this > document.]” > > ======== > > > SB> As dicussed in [RFC4320] and [RFC4321], non-INVITE transactions must > > SB> Typo s/dicussed/discussed/ > > I will fix as suggested. > > ======== > > > Example: pn-prid = 00fc13adff78512 > > > > For more information about the APNs Topic and device token: > > > > SB> Is the following part of the example? If so it could usefully be > > delimited > > SB> as such, otherwise, I don't understand why it is not a normal document > > SB> reference. > > > > https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/NetworkingI > > <https://developer.apple.com/library/archive/documentation/NetworkingI> > > nternet/Conceptual/RemoteNotificationsPG/CommunicatingwithAPNs.html > > > > SB> Similarly in the following section > > The link reference is not part of the example. Perhaps I could place to > reference before the examples, to make that more clear? > > Are you suggesting that I add the link to the reference section, similar to > document references? > > ========= > > Regards, > > Christer
signature.asc
Description: Message signed with OpenPGP
_______________________________________________ Gen-art mailing list [email protected] https://www.ietf.org/mailman/listinfo/gen-art
