Hi Mallory, I've uploaded a new version that includes all the updates addressing your comments: Name: draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework Revision: 10 Title: Framework of Operations, Administration and Maintenance (OAM) for Deterministic Networking (DetNet) Date: 2023-12-27 Group: detnet Pages: 16 URL: https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10.txt Status: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework/ HTML: https://www.ietf.org/archive/id/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10.html HTMLized: https://datatracker.ietf.org/doc/html/draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework Diff: https://author-tools.ietf.org/iddiff?url2=draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-10
Thank you for your help in improving the document. Regards, Greg On Tue, Dec 19, 2023 at 3:22 PM Greg Mirsky <[email protected]> wrote: > Hi Mallory, > thank you for the review and your thoughtful comments that helped improve > the draft. Please find my notes below tagged GIM>>. Attached, is the > updated working version that includes changes addressing your comments. > > Regards, > Greg > > On Mon, Dec 18, 2023 at 12:58 PM Mallory Knodel via Datatracker < > [email protected]> wrote: > >> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel >> Review result: Ready with Nits >> >> I am the assigned Gen-ART reviewer for this draft. The General Area >> Review Team (Gen-ART) reviews all IETF documents being processed >> by the IESG for the IETF Chair. Please treat these comments just >> like any other last call comments. >> >> For more information, please see the FAQ at >> >> <https://wiki.ietf.org/en/group/gen/GenArtFAQ>. >> >> Document: draft-ietf-detnet-oam-framework-?? >> Reviewer: Mallory Knodel >> Review Date: 2023-12-18 >> IETF LC End Date: 2023-12-19 >> IESG Telechat date: Not scheduled for a telechat >> >> Summary: The document summarizes the OAM requirements of DetNet networks. >> The >> document provides a good background of the necessary OAM components and >> presents the requirements of the OAM solutions. >> >> Major issues: >> * Figure should be svg because on a device that rewraps the text this >> will get >> (is already) totally messed up on smaller screens. > > GIM>> I'll gladly convert from ASCII-art to a friendlier format. Could you > help me to find a reference to the process? > >> * Suggest a privacy >> considerations section that at least references the text in rfc9055, or >> perhaps elaborates on it given the OAM provides a lot of signals. >> > GIM>> Thank you for the suggestion. Please consider the following: > NEW TEXT: > > 9. Privacy Considerations > > Privacy considerations of DetNet discussed in Section 13 of [RFC9055] > are also applicable to DetNet OAM. If any privacy mechanism is used > for the monitored DetNet flow, then the same privacy method MUST be > applied to the active DetNet OAM used to monitor the flow. > >> >> Minor issues: >> * It seems to me that there is no meaningful difference between >> definitions >> and terminology so perhaps just collapse these two sections, or provide >> some >> other compelling reason to present them separately to the reader. > > GIM>> Thank you for pointing this out to me. I think that the > "Terminology" is not reflective of the content. Perhaps > s/Terminology/Abbreviations/ is more suitable? > >> * This is a >> general review and I am not an expert so take this for what it's worth, >> but I >> am unclear on why there would be so many MUSTs for monitoring >> requirements and >> perhaps they should be should? >> > GIM>> Thank you for a great question! In my opinion, a normative > recommendation might be the source of interoperability concerns for cases > when an implementation doesn't support the recommended behavior. Also, more > options usually result in a more complex implementation. DetNet WG > discussed the requirements for DetNet OAM and has agreed with the normative > language used. > >> >> Nits/editorial comments: >> >> * 5. Are the paragraph indents intended to be bulleted or numbered? >> > GIM>> Thank you for catching it. For the sake of consistency, I switched > to the default bullet, i.e., '*'. > >> * 6.1 and 6.2 subtitles can remove "Requirements on OAM for DetNet" as >> they >> are redundant >> > GIM>> Agreed. Please check the attached working version. >
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