rotflmao !!!
---------- Forwarded message ----------
MS Forger
Introducing a new product in our Office line called Microsoft Forger.
We have been copying other peoples software ideas for years, so who is
better to provide you with a product that imitates other peoples style
and signature.
Microsoft Forger is the ultimate product for pundit-proof forgery.
Even if you are just getting into forgery or are an old hand, this
product will deliver all the power that you need to turn out credible
documents with little or no effort.
Just look at some of the incredible features included.
Output machine selection - Select from a variety of emulators for
everything from manual typewriters, IBM Selectrics, early model word
processors such as Wang and many others.
Font selection - Once you have selected the machine type, font
selection is limited to only those fonts actually available for that
machine. No longer will you make stupid mistakes like selecting Times
New Roman for memorandum that were suppose to be typed on a IBM
Selectric.
Proportional fonts and kerning - Again options are limited by machine type
Key emulation - Only those keys actually on the selected machine type
are activated. Special features such as subscript and superscript will
appear only as that machine would have outputted it. Some extremely
amateur forgers have actually used features such as reduced font sized
superscript "th" in documents that were suppose to have been from a
normal typewriter. Our product will prevent such simple mistakes.
Copy machine emulation - Before you print out your document you can
have it automatically appear to have been run through a copy or fax
machine multiple times. Lettering will look aged and blurred with
random specks according to our specialized algorithm.
Margins and document centering - Each document created is slightly
different to account for the non-exact centering of manual machines
and the variance of paper feeds. Nobody will be able to overlay your
forgery with his own created forgery and have them exactly line up.
Correction emulation - If your output type is for a device such as a
typewriter you also need proper correction emulation since these
documents were rarely perfect. Special effects such as type over,
white out smudges, or coffee stains can be selectively applied.
Signature scanning - Scan in a signature from a record in the pubic
domain and MS Forger will automatically store it in a vector signature
file for use in adding to your document. The signature scanner will
remove artifacts such as lettering found underneath the signature
scan.
Add-Ons - There are many specialized add-ons that can be used
depending on your document forgery needs. For a limited time only when
you buy Microsoft Forger we will include the Texas National Guard
Memorandum (TNGM) add-on for free.
Here are just some of the features of the TNGM add-on.
Military style dates. Date headers are automatically formatted to day
- capitalized three letter month - two digit year.
Subject lines. Automatically uppercased as this is the standard for
military memorandums.
Rank selector. Select from the service and the rank for the individual
who you are forging. This is especially helpful for those who the
closes they have been to the military is when they protested outside
the gate. Prevents mistakes in the abbreviations used in military
rank.
Unit selector. Select from a list of guard units with the option to
use their letterhead.
Command database. Our command database includes all officers and the
times they served in the Texas National Guard. The selections are
limited to the date used at the top of the memorandum. This ensures
you won't have the document addressed to someone that had retired a
year and a half before your document date.
Accreditation - Our documents have been accredited as undetectable by
the National Organization of Forensic Document Examiners. And we are
just not talking CBS's hired experts, but ones that can actually
detect forged documents.
So if you are a Kerry campaign operative or a CBS intern then this is
the program for you.
--
/\/\
(CR) Collins Richey
\/\/ "I hear you're single again." "Spouse 2.0 had fewer bugs than
Spouse 1.0, but the maintenance ... was too much for my OS."
- Glitch (tm)
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