I thought you all might enjoy this, though I don't want you getting any ideas Jerry > >How to run a LUG by dogbert > >We have a great model, based on south american politics of the 1950's. > >I'm the president for life, or at least until I get tired of it. All >meetings are >free, but one must buy food and share when one has money. We hold >our meetings at a pizza place with beer but that still allows kids in. No >money? Well, someone will feed you, especially if you're quick. We make >newbies who need serious help buy a pitcher of beer - cheap tech support >at the price - or sometimes a pizza for the gurus. Everyone wins. > >Sadly, we discovered that minors will drink beer when no one is watching, so >we now force them to wear fake diamond tiaras. The waitresses know not >to serve anyone wearing a tiara. The alcohol is dispensed well away from >the meeting area, which is a fairly quiet dining room. Admittedly, lost or >crushed tiaras are common, so we are switching to bright red wigs and >lipstick. > >When we first started meeting in 1997, they had no respect for us, so we >suffered from noisy music, distracting noises of the espresso machine, bad >smells as they disinfected the surrounding area. Also, management kept >forgetting that we had reserved the room - usually when a large group of >tourists would show up and perhaps indicate slightly higher revenues to the >establishment. They also have a TV in the room without a volume control, >which has since mysteriously developed reception problems and suffers >from frequent power outages. > >In order to solve these many difficulties, we adopted the revolutionary >slogans >and cheap cigars of many famous south american heroes, including che and >fidel. The cheap cigars solved the problem of casual diners invading the >area, >and although it is illegal to smoke in a restaraunt here, we tend to allude >to >the imminent beginning of a cigar lovers meeting. The diners eat quickly and >leave in most instances. For particularly hard cases, we have a member >who can do absolutely amazing Richard Stallman impressions with a bit of >notice. It never fails to clear the deck, and we often have a lot of fun >with >lincoln-douglass style debates between our faux RMS and a member who >looks exactly like Bill Gates. Once we've cleared the arena, the meetings >are simply smashing successes. > >The tendancy to clean the restaraunt while the meeting was in progress began >to cause many problems, and guest speakers would have to stop in the >middle of presentations due to noise and clatter. Later, we discovered that >the cleaning process would invariably make the floor slippery, resulting in >beer and pizza spills - making it eventually clear that if the cleaning was >done >AFTER the meeting, it would be much less work. > >We have door prizes, ranging from a beautiful and ornate espresso machine >that we found sitting on the counter, to free copies of Win2000 & VB that >micro >soft sends us. (Our LUG is an official Microsoft Solutions Provider because >a few of us have MCP cards. Because we can solve any Microsoft problem >within a few minutes, we proudly proclaim that we do indeed have the >ultimate Microsoft solution.) > >Last year we bought a 16 person jacuzzi and a 1971 Cadillac El Dorado, all >paid for with operating funds raised from selling off the servers that VA >research keeps sending us as part of their Linux aid package, as well as the >proceeds from reselling all the microsoft licenses we've liberated as we >install >linux on the machines of major companies. We've also constructed a lovely >cabana from Redhat linux boxes and AOL 5 disks. We're still looking for >lawn furniture. Our cadillac has a very large penguin of the hood, which >never >fails to attract attention - especially when it's full of kids in tiaras >coming to >a meeting. > >We've recently befriended the new manager, as the old one has left to work >at another restaraunt. Our new friend pockets 15% of the cash register >receipts, >and everyone is happy. The staff is quite curteous to all of us, and we're >very >content. > >On another topic, we have no laws, bylaws, dues, agenda or officers, which >keeps the meetings 100% focused on Linux and not on petty politics. When >another rival club (We suspect they are supporters of United Fruit Company, >a Microsoft shill.) began attempting to pass themselves off as the new >regime, >we sent several members in a show of support and distributed coupons good >for 50% off on the cost of a pizza provided they were members of our group. >Enrollment swelled quickly. > >We believe that this is the best of all possible arrangements, and have >no active dissidents. > >Dogbert > > >----- Original Message ----- >From: Shawn Bakker <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> >Sent: Thursday, April 20, 2000 5:44 PM >Subject: Re: [GLUE] What I'd like to get out of GLUE [was Re: [BLUGMETA] Re: >BRLUGtalk] > > >> At 08:59 AM 4/20/00 -0600, you wrote: >> >I've considered using the Public Radio or Public TV model for dues. >> >Dues are optional, not manditory. Periodically members would be >> >asked to contribute for the good of the club. Hopefully the club has >> >a few perks for official dues paid members. > > > >========================================================================= >Contributions/Posts To: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >To Unsubscribe: [EMAIL PROTECTED], "unsubscribe" in message body >Report Problems to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] >List archive at: http://www.ssc.com/mailing-lists/ > ----------------------------------------------------------------- Jerry Kubeck Customer Support Appropriate Solutions, Inc. [EMAIL PROTECTED] www.AppropriateSolutions.com ********************************************************** To unsubscribe from this list, send mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the following text in the *body* (*not* the subject line) of the letter: unsubscribe gnhlug **********************************************************
