News Flash! Microsoft Corporation today announced buying RedHat, Inc. for an undisclosed sum. To avoid additional monopolization charges, the new company, to be called "RedMond, Inc.", will be headquartered in the Cayman Islands. Actually, the islands were also purchased, and are being renamed "The RedMond Islands". The first product of the combined company will be an enhanced release of RedHat Linux 7.0, which will be named "LinMe". The new LinMe product will have several ease-of-use advantages over traditional Linux: 1. All shell programs (bash, csh, tcsh, sh, etc.) have been removed, to eliminate the fear and confusion many user experience when faced with a shell prompt and a blinking cursor. Additionally, all terminal programs have been removed, as have all window managers other than fvwm. 2. A patch to Netscape has been provided to allow viruses^H^H^H^H^H^Henhancements to have direct access to your address book. 3. ioctls? We don't need no stinkin' ioctls! All device access will be through undocumented APIs, to enhance security. 4. "/dev/null" has been renamed to "C:\". This feature is expected to make file loss more manageable, and eliminate filesystem fragmentation. 5. The Linux kernel has been renamed to "The DOS Box", and has been modified to allow ANY code to run in Ring 0. 6. Root? We don't need no stinkin' root! All users are now equally God-like. 7. LinMe will be released in binary form only under the GPL (Greedy Proprietary License). The source code does not officially exist. Additional enhancements (such as old Win9x apps ported to the new platform) will be listed Real Soon Now on the RedMond Web site (http://www.WhereTheHellDoYouThinkYou'reGoing.com). (Note: We really wanted www.LinMe.com, but that was already taken by a typing-challenged person who was trying to register the fruit "lime" as a domain name. We also wanted www.RedMond.com, but some city in Washington state has got it - but we're buying that next. The city, not the domain name. We intend to capture all their rainfall and ship it to the RedMond Islands.) A couple of related announcements: 1. RedMond, Inc. has also purchased a small nuisance of a company called "NeTraverse" and has put it out of its misery, given that its primary product is now superfluous. All former NeTraverse employees will be shackled^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^Htransferred to the LinMe Support Desk. 2. RedMond, Inc. has also purchased Transmeta just to keep Linus Torvalds from changing the old Linux kernel any more, and to get him to stop calling the RedMond enhancements "malicious bugs". He has been assimilated. -The RedMond LinMe PR Dept. ********************************************************** To unsubscribe from this list, send mail to [EMAIL PROTECTED] with the following text in the *body* (*not* the subject line) of the letter: unsubscribe gnhlug **********************************************************
Humor(?) from the Win4Lin mailing list
Bayard Coolidge USG ZKO3-3/S20 Thu, 28 Sep 2000 10:41:22 -0700
